I haven't been posting a lot lately, because since Christmas I have been really struggling with depression. I have had a problem with this all my life, but it has been much worse since getting neuropathy. Other than the pain, I don't have any serious problems, in fact many blessings. I'm not depressed ABOUT anything, it just settles down on me and I just can't function. I haven't been off the couch for several days. My plan is to force myself to get up and go to church tomorrow. Sometimes forcing myself to get out helps, and sometimes not. I am under a psychiatrists care. I just don't seem to get any benefit from antidepressants. I do take trazadone at night to help me sleep well. AT 59, I don't think I would benefit from "counseling" -- I have had counseling several times in the past. I just don't know where to turn. I guess I will just keep on "keeping on" and hope things take a turn fo rthe better. I am so frustrated! But I wanted to let you know that reading this forum and the people here really help me so much. I do not feel so isolated or cut off from people. Thanks to everyone on the forum for this.

Have you had your serotonin levels checked? Also, what about Vit. D levels. All of the above contribute to depression.

I'm thinking about you.

Billye

Susan:

Hi. I am a big fan of counseling. People need to get stuff off of their chests. They sometimes need better coping mechanisms. Don't discount counseling, you never know. And a counselor can be objective. Friend's and even neuro-board friends, well all we do is give you support and cyber hugs, but sometimes more is definitely needed..

I have a friend who is close to my age and she had a falling out with her mother. Her mom is 78. Bad from the get-go. No parenting skills at all. My friend went to a counselor recently all upset because of how her mother has been treating her. Guess what the counselor said? "your friends can't tell you this but I can, "your mom is a piece of cr*p mom" (Only she didn't use the word cr*p). And she's been talking her heart out and getting all the rage out and frustration and the counselor has helped her deal with her feelings.

So think about it. Might help, might not. You never know.

Right now, you need some puppy hugs!!! Take care!!!

Thanks for the thoughts, hugs and suggesstions. Billye, I will ask my doctor about the seratonin and vitamin D levels. And Mel, I will consider counseling. I think it is hard to find a good counselor. You guys are the best.

I need to literally talk myself into going out to the grocery store (2 blocks away). I'll use every excuse I can to avoid it. But once I'm out, I always marvel at how I could stay indoors rather than go out in the world and see life around me.

I subscribe to a Johns Hopkins newletter and was reminded of an article they emailed a few days ago. Maybe it can help you. Here it is:

Light Therapy and Wellbutrin XL for SAD
January 30, 2008
By Johns Hopkins Health Alerts, www.johnshopkinshealthalerts.com

Now patients with seasonal affective disorder have two effective therapies to relieve depression in the winter months – light therapy and the antidepressant, Wellbutrin XL.

At this time of year, changes in the amount of daily sunlight cause changes in the body’s internal biological clock, known as circadian rhythm. This rhythm is a 24-hour cycle that affects our eating and sleeping patterns, brain wave activity, hormone production, and other biological activities. In some people, less daily sunlight and changes in circadian rhythm can bring about depression. One theory is that the relative lack of sunlight during these times may alter brain levels of certain mood-related chemicals.

If you have SAD, what can you do?

* Light Therapy

Some people with seasonal affective disorder can be successfully treated with exposure to bright light. In one study, 57% of 191 people with SAD responded to light therapy. In another study, light therapy was comparable in effectiveness to antidepressant therapy but worked faster and caused fewer side effects.

Light therapy involves sitting in front of a bank of full-spectrum fluorescent lights for 30–60 minutes each day. Improvement can often be seen within a few days, with symptoms disappearing after two to three weeks. Continued light therapy is needed to prevent a relapse.

* Wellbutrin XL

In 2006 the FDA approved bupropion HCL extended-release tablets (Wellbutrin XL) for the prevention of major depressive episodes in people with a history of SAD. Wellbutrin XL is the first drug officially approved for SAD.

The efficacy of Wellbutrin XL for the prevention of SAD episodes was demonstrated in three double-blind, placebo-controlled trials -- the gold standard of medical research -- in adults with a history of recurrent major depressive disorder in autumn and winter. Treatment was started before the onset of symptoms in the autumn (September to November) and was discontinued following a two-week taper starting the first week of spring (fourth week of March).

In these trials, the percentage of patients who were depression free at the end of treatment was significantly higher for those on Wellbutrin XL than for those on placebo. Combining data from all three studies, the overall rate of people depression free at the end of treatment was 84% for those on Wellbutrin XL, compared with 72% for those on placebo.

These findings have not surprised psychiatrists and primary care physicians, who have long been using antidepressant drugs off label for treating SAD. But the approval of Wellbutrin XL by the FDA adds credibility to the treatment approach.

Clearly I don't know if you have SAD and the article may not resonate with you. Also, Atlanta may have much more sunlight than NYC so SAD may not be an issue.

I'm going to see a psychiatrist in a few weeks and will ask about Wellbutrin. I don't think it can make me more depressed than I am now...lots of weeping episodes over not very serious stuff. Mostly caused by my crappy physical state and wishing I could step outside without a walker. I send you lots of hugs & good wishes.

This is a subject I know well. Before the pn I suffered from severe depression. I had been to many therapists,psychiatrist,meds etc. Even at times when my ed was better I suffered from depression at points I would not leave my home. During this time I had many blessing like you say but there was an inner sadness. Many times I felt I could not face my days. I knew in my life the way I was coping was not working and I had to change. The more you hide from this and stay in the harder the cycle is to break. I really believe if able to through the pain part that you should push through the mental don't want to. Even sometimes when you don't think it helps in the long run it may. As for therapy you are never to old and just because it didn't work in the past doesn't mean it can't now. I wonder if some is fear of having to face the issues and make a change. It may not be but sometimes it is. I spent many years in and out of treatment and the combo that worked for me was therapy but being proactive and pushing myself when I didn't want to and really digging deep on issue like my sadness,anxiety,lonliness etc.You deserve more and just because there is not a concrete like abuse doesn't mean there are not other things contibuting. Many hugs

Hi Dakota,
I've been there too and it is tough. I came to this board after losing my mom to suicide and it was a really hard time for me. I went through a serious depression myself after losing her.

After losing someone so close to you do a suicide, you feel the deep depression yourself. I was actually hospitalized myself. I knew I didn't want to do that, but believe me, it was there, in the front of my mind. I wanted to go there. I wanted to make the pain go away. I couldn't find a way to stop the hurting, physically and emotionally.

I am now strong, healthy, and on my way up. I have gone to the survivors of suicide board. I reached out for help not so much for myself, but more for those who love me. For my children and grandchildren so they wouldn't have to deal with what I was going through.

I am stronger now. I still have days. We all do. When I was diagnosed with PN I went back into that deep hole, and it is hard to climb out of. However, there are so many people who love us that NEED us to climb out of that hole! When we've climbed out of it, then we do it for ourselves. But while we are in there, we do it for them. I couldn't do anything for myself while I was there. It didn't matter, I didn't matter. But my children, my grandchildren, they mattered.

Find something that matters to you and focus on that. Stay focused on that and hold on to it. Don't let go of it!
We are here for you and we look forward to hearing from you EVERY DAY! Get up , go outside and do the things that you HATE to do, cuz those are the things that force you outside your hole. Get outside for a walk, take a shower, talk to your neighbor.

Oh, I have one more little thing to add.

I think I've been depressed most of my life. I used food TO MAKE THE PAIN GO AWAY. Food was my thing. I can't even imagine doing this NOW, because I've re-trained my brain not to think this way. Took some time, but coming on these boards, learning about diabetes, talking to people, etc. Well, I got it through my head that my eating was destroying me.

I remember happily pigging out in front of the tv with chips, dips, doodles, ding dongs. dong dings!!!! lol. You get the message.

When you self-medicate WITH ANYTHING, you no longer feel ANYTHING. And while this may be a temporary fix, in the long run, it ruins out health.

And even my own mother getting on my case all my life (since I was 12 or so), well that didn't do a darn thing for me besides make me eat more. She used to hide food in the closet. My mother was 5 feet tall and normal weight. My grandmother was 4 feet 11 and normal weight. EVERYBODY IN MY FAMILY WAS NORMAL WEIGHT. Except for me.

Do you have any idea what it is like to be the LARGEST member of your family? It ain't pretty, believe me.

And when I was 40 something, (and I thought I looked good at the time), we all went to Florida to visit my parents. We took our 8 year old son at the time. I was 300 lbs and a size 24 and a half. Want to know what my mother told my husband?? "how can you sleep with Melody, she's a fat pig".

Alan came running over to me and said "we're leaving now, I can't be around this woman". He wouldn't tell me what she said but I dragged it out of him later. I almost died. EVEN THAT DIDN'T MAKE ME GET HELP. No, I still ate in front of the tv every night.

I believe that depression makes us do all sorts of irresponsible stuff to our bodies and we pay for it in the long run.

So you start talking to people.. You get off the couch. (And if you have ding dongs and yodels in the house, throw them out).

If you are having a bad pain day, and you have a med for that, take it, and go for a walk, if possible. Get out in the sunshine. I try and do this every day.

I had to PUSH myself to really LOOK at myself. I never SAW myself truthfully. It's amazing how one can be obese and never fully SEE themselves.

We all have our BAD MOMENTS going on.

What really devastated me and Alan is our son's walking away from us and never looking back. Let me tell you something, If you think I didn't want to take a bag of chips and stuff my face in front of the tv over that one, believe me, I did. The night he left, I ate more cupcakes and ding dongs than you might think possible. I fell asleep all drugged out from all that sugar.

In my case, it took talking to people, getting it off my chest, going on gamanon forums, whatever it took, I did it. I spoke to my doctor, I remember crying in his office about my son. The poor guy didn't know what to do with me. He kept saying 'I'll give you an anti-depressant".

He did. I took Zoloft. Wow, that was a wonder. I didn't care what the hell went on in my life. I ate because I wanted to eat. I gained weight.

I told him, and we weaned me off of the Zoloft. I didn't want to take any more pills.

So I just reached out and learned about what was happening in my body.

I trained my brain to understand what food does to us and what is good and what is bad. You would have thought I might have done this 30 years ago, but I guess I wasn't ready.

Pain makes people feel awfully depressed. I know this. When my scoliosis acts up, it's like a lightening bolt between my shoulder blades.

But I sit it out and I go and walk. I lift 5 lbs dumbells so I can make my bones strong.

My mind is completely switched off to self-medicating with food now.

My mind is most definitely switched on to finding that perfect summer skirt to go with my pretty white blouse (which I neve was able to wear because I was 300 lbs).

It's amazing what a pretty skirt and blouse will do to one's ego.

So when you feel up to it, get off the couch and put your face to the sun and remember, we are your friends and we care!!!

Oh, and if this graphic doesn't put a smile on your face, NOTHING WILL!!!

It sure put a smile on mine. (and nothing is showing so it's legal).lol

Sorry, Mel
but there's a 90+% probability,
that he's gay.
Same goes true for the opposite sex,
who does the same type of thing.
Fantasies are nice, but they are just that- fantasies.

Oh my god, you ruined my whole fantasy experience.

This guy is a HUNK!!! Never even thought he might be gay. God, I'm getting more clueless as I get older.

Oh well, I still had my moment. lol lol lol