Hello, I just found this forum I was diagnosed with rsd/crps in my left foot/ankle in July 2009.

About last October I started dating a guy, and he has been really wonderful and supportive during all this. But, and I don't know if I'm being paranoid or what, but it just seems like something is wrong. He is almost too nice, too helpful, he always wants to carry me somewhere, or rub my back or legs, or do stuff for me.

I'm starting to wonder if he just needs someone to take care of? And if this does start to get better/go into remission that it would ruin our relationship? He wants to get married, but I'm really starting to worry that if I get better he will not like me anymore. I used to be very independant, did everything for myself, and didn't like people trying to take care of me.

I know this is the opposite of what normally happens, most spouses and significant others aren't always very supportive, and don't try to understand. I know rsd has ruined many relationships. Has anyone ever had something similiar? It almost seems to me that he has a pathological need to try and take care of me . . . . .

Holley
You may be over thinking this,,,If someone really does love you, than they are supportive and will ask [if they trully care] what they can do for you when they are around you or before they leave the house,,my wife of ten years does this for me,,,,,Another thing that you need to factor in , so you wont be so paranoid,is your relationship is still in the "new relationship stage ',,,meaning he is still infatuated with you because of the newness of the relationship and it appears from your post that he is really into you,,,,let it play out,,I dont see any red flags from your post,,,It is a blessing that God has sent you someone to love and care for you,,,,,,,,bobber P,S ... In the event that you conditions worsens{ I Hope and Pray it doesnt } you will be glad that you have someone there that loves you enough to be there for you and help with your needs,,good luck to you on both the relationship and RSD,,,sounds ike your in the early stages,,,please seek aggressive medical attention, it is inperitive , exspecially in the early stages,

I would take this dating time to access if he is a good future husband candidate - RSD or not. Time will show you if it is right or not.
4 months is still in the romantic , lovey dovey stage.

Dr Laura suggest dating for at least 2 years before marriage to really see the true personality. Learn about his family also, that gives insight to the whole person.

Thanks, I'm just worried that the dynamic will change so much if he doesn't get to take care of me. He is a godsend, I'm sooooo thankful that he is there because my family isn't very understanding. We are going to wait a while to get married, I've known him for a while, but we have not been dating long. He wants to get married soon, because he's a federal employee and gets like 30 choices on health insurance, while my insurance sucks. And he has an 8 year old son, so the cost of adding me to his policy doesn't even change. I would not rush into marriage for that reason, but do love him and do want to marry him, so it's a hard call.

And yeah, I was diagnosed in October, so I was lucky in that it only took about 3-4 months to get the diagnosis. My ortho told me about 2 months into seeing him for my foot fracture that he thought it was crps, then once I got that confirmed by 3 other doctors he told me that I was really lucky to have seen him because he had seen it before and recognized that signs. I have been doing everything possible, sympathic nerve blocks (didn't work) pt, which helped a lot to restore my movement and function, although I am still bad about wearing my aircast a lot because it hurts so much without it. I know it's a huge no no but I can't function much without it, and religiuosly take it off everyday and make myself walk around and move my ankle and toes to keep it moving. I've gone through tons of meds, am doing infrared light therapy, biofeedback, tens unit, etc . . . . One of my docs thinks there's a good chance to make it go into remission since it was caught so soon and there's no permanent damage yet. But my pain doc keeps bringing up the spinal cord stimulator, which I am dead set against.

Let me first say ur boyfriend sounds great..
My hubby was never home or around cuz he was a truck driver.. He quit driving over the road and got a local job the year i got hurt luckily.. I always complained he was never there for me.. Then i got hurt. and he did a complete 360. he makes me eat.. he takes complete care of me, sometimes too much..lol.. Sometimes i have to tell him to back off and he does.. but i would do the same for him.. and he tells me " Dont look a gift horse in the mouth" and he is right.. Take the good with the bad.. If it gets too bad,, just tell him. if he loves you, and it sounds like he does, just tell him to step back.. Im sure hes just trying to do what he think is right not what u think hes doing.. Dont worry so much.. Im sure he will love you no matter what..
I hope everything goes well with your recovery and your relationship.. And sometimes relationships get stronger when bad things happen in them..

Hi. Can you talk to him about this concern? I think communication is very key. For me and the people in my life it needs to be balance. Yes sometimes I need assistance but it is also important for people to allow me to do what I can so using my voice is important. I think it is important to tell him your fears because living with this concern is going to take a toll on you. On to the air boot. I understand the catch 22 you are in. Before I got dx with rsd and pn I was put in an airboot. I was in it for 3 plus months and made my rsd condition worse. Now getting out of the boot was absolute hell and torture so I understand that too. I wear walking shoes every min I am up and about. Even at night when I go to the rest room due to the sensitivity. I had to wean off the boot and it brought a lot of days of tears but in the long run made things better. Do you have good supportive shoes?For me shoes and socks make a huge difference in pain level. Hang in there.

Thanks! I have mentioned it to me, but he seems to get insulted when I talk about it. I know he's awesome and am really glad he's there, so I'll just focus on that and deal with it when/if I do recover.

Yeah, the air boot . . . . . One of my docs told me he was gonna take it away and burn in if he saw me in it again. But my pain doc keeps telling me that I should wear it if it lessens the pain, even though I've told him that would make it worse. He's also told me to put ice on it when I'm in a flare, and this is the only pain clinic my insurance will cover that has even heard of RSD before. They even have it listed on their website. When I take the boot off it hurts so much I'll be throwing up and crying, and when I tried to do it I missed a lot of work and really can't afford to miss anymore right now. My car is a manual transmission, and it's flat out dangerous to drive without the boot, I forgot to put it on once after physcial therapy and almost stalled out on the freeway. I know my pain doc doesn't understand rsd at all, but my only other choice is a doc that believes that rsd should be treated with no meds at all. I'm seeing him too for the biofeedback and he oversaw the physcial therapy, and has told me more then once that I should not be taking any meds at all. Right now I only take oxycodone 15mg/5x day and Amitriptyline 10mg at night. I hated lyrica and neurotin, they made me feel sooooo sick I couldn't stand it. I was on 5mg of oxy for the longest time and it took me breaking down and crying at the doc's for him to raise it. Which was funny because I'd told him several times that I can only get any relief from it when I take 2 or 3 pills at a time, and he would just dismiss it and say that was too many pills to take. I'm out in the waiting room and hear a guy tell the nurse he has to schedule his appt for sooner because his insurance company will only cover 300 of the 400 morphines he was prescribed . . . . So it's obviously not too many pills, and I know he could've just raised the mg. But then when I was crying he looked at my chart and was like "oh, you're only on 5mg, we should raise it" . . . So I don't know . . . . He seems unwilling to raise my meds so that I can still function at work without the boot on, and my doc that knows the boot should be off thinks no meds is the way to go (it's actually their clinics philosphy). So I'm kinda stuck. If I lose my job, I lose my health insurance . . . . . It's totally a catch 22. My last appt my doc told me to take a nuerotin if I had a flare, but even I know that you have to take that stuff consistently for weeks before you get a good effect. Taking it once here or there doesn't work. Both my feet and legs have been cramping up really bad for the last couple months, anytime I try to do anything, and I've told my doc and he just tells me that's part of it. But no suggestions on how to deal with it. I've told him I've tried heat, massage, hot baths, drinking more water, etc, and he just says "well that's all you can do". But the cramps are getting so bad that I can't get to sleep, stay asleep, or sit for 5 minutes without it happening. My fiancee trys to rub my legs to help, but it makes it worse and hurts. I just want him to give me meds so that I have something for breakthrough pain, but he seems to think that the neurontin will work for that. I have to give my fiancee my pills because I know that if I keep them I will take more then I should when it's really bad so I can work. But then I'd run out early . . . . Has anyone ever had this problem? Is there anything I can do to explain things to my doc without sounding like I think I know more then him? The lyrica and neurontin had such bad side effects with me that I couldn't do anything, I felt like a zombie. I told him that when he mentioned that I should take it for a flare, he told me that when I'm in a flare I'm not doing anything like work anyways so the zombie effect shouldn't bother me. As is, my meds take me from about an 8-9 to a 7 in pain, what should be the goal of pain treatment? I know it shouldn't take your pain completely away, but keep you at a functioning level, which for me I'd need about a 5-6 to be able to keep it in the background and focus on my work. What is a realistic level to be trying to get down to?

I have to share something here... I do not have RSD, but I do have other pain issues.

Back when I was young (before I was 20), I met my then future husband at college. (we were actually matched by the first dating computer ever in my state in 1965!)

He was always kind and attentive even back then. And compared to other guys I had dated, and knew, he was certainly the exception! I didn't have any major medical issues back then, but he was still attentive. Now we have been married for almost 42 yrs, and his personality style, has become my life saver!
But he was kind and helpful when our son was born after 14 yrs of marriage, and he is kind to our pets as well. He has always accepted my "independence, my creative side, and my professional side".

With this new guy, take a look at how he treats service people, waitresses, sales clerks etc. If he is considerate with them too, that is a + in my book that he has kind traits. Kind to animals?
That is another. Sometimes young women find kind men "boring", unexciting. I personally loved it when I met my husband, as my Dad was anything but kind. My Dad wouldn't even stop the car so I could use a bathroom (I have a congenital GI defect that made that important now and then), but my husband, always found a way to get me to the bathroom when that problem manifested. It sounds corny, but that right there gave him a huge boost in my estimation of him as a potential partner in life!

But time will tell. We dated and were engaged for 3+ yrs before we got married. Time is a very good way to gauge people. I found out later, that my husband as child helped his mother, who was sadly an alcoholic. So he had "experience" with attending to people who may need help now and then.

I would think other warning signs would be, asking about your money situation, your potential inheritances, disappearing and reappearing and resenting questions, things like that.

I'd say if this new relationship is fun and rewarding for both of you at this early time, you should just enjoy that. When you get older you will look back on these nice times with great gratitude and nostalgia.

That's the thing, he is not very nice to his mom, super strict (in my eyes) with his 8 year old, gets road rage when driving, and generally gets upset if a stranger looks at him funny. It's just with me that he is super caring and nice. I have a dog, and he is very good with my dog too. But it all just seems centered around me and things related to me. He is always hinting that if something happens with my job it will be okay because he will take care of me, and I have to keep telling him that as long as I can physically work I'm going to. I sometimes get the feeling that he has a real need to take care of me. He has gotten some panic attacks in the past, and I've noticed that once I'm there and he can "take care of me" that it all goes away, like tending to me is a distraction from the rest of his life.

Oh, I'd really recommend some time....
Some men (and women too) can really impress new friends and potential mates...but it is an act for them, and they cannot maintain it all the time. In other words, their personalities won't be that flexible in other areas of their lives, so that is where the hints are for you to find. I think you are already onto it.

Here is a link that was really useful for me a few years ago, when I was totally trashed by a "friend"... I now can recognize the signs.

This link is very user friendly, and easy to understand:
See if any of it pertains to your situation...
http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/
This is more common in males, 3:1 compared to females, but when this type "turns" it can get really ugly!
(and DON'T let him see you reading this)

The anger thing is significant I think. I grew up with a paranoid mother, and that was a terrible experience. Road rage, overly strict with children, being sensitive to what others look like or how they are acting towards the self....cringe...