For all those who think we're suppose to live on no matter how much you're suffering endlessly so we can prove just how tough we are, my hat is off to you. This is the inner strength I admire the most. But what about those of us who are not quite as strong as you are?

For all of us who've walked the halls of some nursing homes lined up with people pleading with all their hearts to be released from their suffering, I say there can be a few instances where the person should have the personal right to choose eternal slumber. There has to be some irony that medicine has advanced so far in creating new ways of extending life to the point where people are pleading to die. Gee, we're so lucky. By my values, it's just plain wrong.

As long as we very carefully control and make these choices regarding how far we're willing to push the medical envelope long before the actual incident finally arrives, I can't understand why we're better to our beloved dog or cat so they don't suffer needlessly than we are to ourselves.

With the laws the way they're written now, we don't have the right when to choose yet I thought that was what our country was founded on - personal freedom to choose what we want to do with our lives no matter how smart or stupid the end results might be. It was irresponsible spending habits that almost destroyed our economy 18 months ago because of people buying things because they deserve it, not because they earned it - but it all happened because of personal freedom to choose.

Perhaps I've become to much of a cynic, but I feel like a lot of the reasons we're forced into paying every last dime we worked our tails off for so we can keep a dying body alive is more about of corporate greed than some higher moral values. The profitability in medicine is just so phenomenal. Add that with the fact that most people think medical care is a right no matter what the costs, and we're watching our nation draining the very life out of itself for no other reason than to live another day.

Just let me ask this question. Why should I be forced into financially ruining my wife as we continually spend every last resource we have just so we can keep me alive when I'm more than happy to avoid these horrible consequences? Call it fate, but I'm right now having to make these choices. Am I willing to make my wife into a pauper so we can buy another 3 - 7 years of mediocre quality of life for myself or am I just trying to be a responsible husband who cares by avoiding more costs we really can't afford? I'm still on the fence I assure you, but these are some of the hardest questions we'll ever have to answer.

Everyone has their own internal limits at where life is worth living and when it's not. I'm just asking, why I can't be released from further suffering for both myself and my family except by passivity (stopping medical care) thus creating even more pain and cost when we all know just one little shot of happy juice that would avoid so much more suffering. I'm not saying I have the answers, but I think they're worth asking and seeking out. Alright, now bring on the spoiled tomato's, I've got it coming. Bob.

Bob,,

How can I NOT reply to your post... Oh my..you have brought up and defended some very thought provoking points but bend over..Yur in for a spanking, my friend..I am thinking this thread may span well past the 36 post mark at this rate.. Bless you my friend...

take care and duck down..Kathy

My only child will be leaving for college in August and I am scared. He is my home entertainment- what keeps me going and keeps me smiling. i don't know what I am going to do. I still have my husband and family but it's not the same. I love the kid so much and it is going to be so painful. He is my distraction from this illness that has taken everything from me. I don't know what to do as I get worse and lose more function with each passing day!

It really stinks


Debbie

Debbie and bobinjeffmo -

May I please suggest on MBSR (Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction) class about now? The name of the game is equanimity, and it really isn't that hard to pull off.

Please check out my last on the subject in the Rsd/crps can't cope thread @ http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/sh...d.php?t=122821 (post #2)

Mike

If we want someone to share our life with, we get married. If we want to make a life for someone else, we have a child.

Though you're going to miss you child terribly, you'll do what all good parents do - sit back and watch them make a great life for themselves. Their purpose was never to make your life, but for you to make theirs. You've done it, and done it well. Now that's something to be proud of.

You now have the choice of living it alone or if it's time to add someone to your life as a partner or companion. I'm hoping that you'll share yourself once again, but this time as an equal partner so you can make another great chapter in your life, but as long as you're whole life is built around your kid, then why ever go out and make one for yourself? All single parents hit this stage, but it's their true love that makes them have their kid leave the nest so they can do some amazing things that you helped make in the first place. Best of luck, Bob.

Debbie,
I understand so very well the feelings and thoughts you are having as your adult child leaves for college!
After my son announced he was moving out at age 19 (he's 30 now), the night before he moved out, I said to him, "Dinner's ready" and I started to sob, as I new this was his last 'official' nite at home..
When I drove my daughter to her college dorm when she was 18 (she is now 27) i cried all the way home and told myself, "I know longer have reason to even come home"

Days later, I would have to pull over when her favorite songs would come on the radio and I would cry, again..
I understand the emotion and void that you are feeling..it is a huge and emotional milestone for parents, when the 'kids' leave home.

My son and daughter have traveled a lot and often to dangerous places, and I had to get used to trusting them and trusting fate. This was very hard to do..
I am proud of them..They have strong wings as they navigate their own lives..
As time has passed, I have peace of mind...it took a long time for me, as my children were the most precious blessing in my life.

I am so fond of this piece by Khalil Gibran from his book, "The Prophet"
These are a few lines from the chapter titled, "On Children."..

Your children are not your children,
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself,
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, they belong not to you.

You may give them your love, but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies, but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow.......
_______________________
Gibran goes on to compare the child as the 'arrow' and the parent as the 'bow' who propels the arrow forward...to their own independent lives....

The love, though, will always be there...
I didn't want to go off topic from the original intent of the thread, but
I hope my sharing has helped you to know that I understand your feelings, and that it gets better as time goes on..
Many, many hugs from Hope4thebest xoxoxox