[painman2009]

yesterday after noon the pain wave crashed down on me i wound up on the floor unable to move speak and had real difficulty breathing too. my wife first asked if i wanted to go to hops. i shook my head best i cld no. (I knew that once there they would only give me pain meds and muscle relaxants then send me home( i had already taken them feeling the wave coming, I just didn't see how big the wave was)thankfully my wife knew why i said no as I had spoken of this possibility many times, but my family is giving her hell. I believe whole heartedly it was the right thing as does she but how do you explain this to people whom 1 don't understand this beast and 2. haven't really asked or tried to educate themselves as to the nature of this beast. I mean really they don't care enough to be educated but they can pass judgment on the whole thing what should my wife say to them. I ignore them but my wife needs to field this battle and I need to stand with her. but they aren't even on the same page as us as to begin to understand why this decision was made. ....Or am I wrong?

[catra121]

People who don't understand and who don't care to understand (or even try to)...their opinions don't matter one fig to me or those who care about me. I only care about advice and opinions from those who have taken the time to try to KNOW what they are talking about (either from trying to educate themselves or from their own experience). Sorry your wife has to deal with it too. I've been pretty lucky that all the people I care about are understanding and supportive...it's only the people at work who really don't seem to get it because they don't care to. Which is fine...I don't need their advice and opinions about my health and what I am going through...so I generally just ignore the ignorant or stupid comments and go about my life as I know I need to.

[stressedout]

People don't understand our pain. They never will unless they go through it. I have a mother that is a nurse and a mother in law that is a nurse and neither of them get it. They've always got suggestions but if they would educate themselves maybe they'd understand just a bit. It's frustrating to say the least, especially when much of the time I look normal.

[kathy d]

Dear Painman2009,
Sorry you have to go through this mess BUT at least you have a wonderful and compassionate spouse who clearly is an angel sent from God to you. You are very lucky in that matter. All I can say after a little over seven years of dealing with this all and the stupid things people say or do is that you can't waste your precious time on them and their ignorance. You have to use the energy you have on surviving each day and spending time with your wife and your family. The people that support you are the ones that matter...the others...well, they can just go on their merry way and thank God they have not been "blessed" with what we all have to deal with each day.

I have been a single person throughout all of this and have not had an advocate to help me with anything...all while being a very single parent to a teenage young man who has had a very hard time dealing with it all. He (like your wife) gets real annoyed with people that say and do stupid things. He just shrugs it all away and helps me to complete whatever task is at hand. Thankfully after seven years I can say I am about 85% healed (this I say to give you hope). I have tried everything from ketamine to tylenol (and back again). I now only take a half muscle relaxer and 3 mg of Melatonin each night...and most nights will sleep soundly 6-8 hours!!! A true miracle. The only thing that has helped me is natural vitamins/minerals via IV every few weeks, lots of prayer, a great sense of humor, and God. Had I known what I know now I would have NEVER tried the things the "experts" said to try...of which some of them almost killed me. I have found that a very large part of healing is to do inner work. It ususally doesn't happen overnight but unfolds like peeling an onion. Hang in there and do what is best for you and your wife. The heck with the other people because they really don't matter. If I had a dollar for every time someone said something stupid to me or my son we would be millionaires lol. I have tried to educate my family but they still don't get it so I pretty much gave up trying to do so. Yes, at times I still get annoyed that they could be that ignorant but such is life. I try to surround myself with positive supportive people and try to stay away from anyone that is negative. It has helped me to heal. Good luck with your journey and do what is right for you at all times. No one is in your shoes and you have to do whatever you have to do to get through each day.
kathy d

[LIT LOVE]

There were times I should have gone to the ER, back when I was undermedicated, but I was stubborn and simply suffered through it. If you have the right meds on hand, there should be no need for ER visits unless you've suffered a new injury. I'm not claiming I don't ever have short periods of high level pain, but, I have the meds on hand that will react faster than I can get to an ER. --Which is what sounds like what you were faced with. I chose an IR med that I can take sublingually (with my docs approval) and this can make the difference between a few minutes of pain or a half hour+. regarding relatives, the time to discuss it is when you're feeling well. Everyone needs to respect your decisions about when you need to go to the ER. They need to understand that, that is not an unusual circumstance (I'm assuming) for you. Frankly, I hide when my pain starts to escalate. Others can't help. I need quiet and breathing deeply-meditation helps! I excuse myself and return when my pain is back to a manageable level.

Unless they spend extended periods of time with you, they likely just won't get it, in all likelihood. As you learn what helps keep your pain from escalating, this will hopefully be less of an issue... good luck!

[painman2009]

thanks to all of you. I am 99% of the time very good at hiding my pain.(chewing gum is a real staple in that plus it keeps the mouth wet as I'm sure you all know some of these drugs give you dry mouth) this last time it cam up quick and hard giving me no time to adjust my mental status to the pain. Still the pain levels are up there and my feet are blocks of ice while the legs burn, plus the back issues are worse now. I think this is the first time when my whole fan(wife and kids) had to pull me off the floor. I knew the right thing still was not the er. hours of drs doing nothing not what we needed. My big problem is my wife has to front all of MY FAMILIES B.S. I know how to ignore them but she takes it all to heart. I tell them I know my body better then any one else but they still think they know better. For almost 20 years my wife and I have been together and I have always been the muffler for them to her. It is really shocking to her to see what they are all really like. (controlling) and I know nothing. Just wish I could still buffer her from them(lol) its always the inlays right..well thanx for listening (visually of course) I truly hope you all find the sunshine in your own personal storms. god speed