Thank you so much. You helped put me at ease a little. It is hard dating and having CRPS doesn't make it any easier. lol I am going to just relax and have a good time. I will be prepared as best as I can be when it comes to flare ups and just hope one doesn't happen. Thank you for all your advice, and reminding me that this doesn't define me!
Angelina

Angelina,

I can just tell from the tone of your posts that you will do fine! You have a good attitude and that is 90% of it!

Dating anxiety for anyone with CRPS is not an uncommon problem. I used to date frequently, but since contracting CRPS in 2008, I haven't dated at all.

It has been such a challenge just to get a diagnosis, figure out the correct meds, go through all the testing, then trying to get the CRPS to settle down! I've had some success and continue to try new techniques/therapies/drug combinations.

Maybe it's time for me to consider dating again as well?? Let us know how it goes!

Thank you! I try to keep a positive attitude as much as I can. I really think it helps with everything. And maybe it is time to start dating again. I will let you know how it goes.
Angelina

Dress nice, but comfortable so as to set off a flare up. BE HONEST. I don't mean go into detail with all the horrible stuff before you even say hello. But let him know. If you truly want a relationship that is going to last you don't want it to start with dishonesty in a way. But at least let him know that you struggle with something sometimes to begin with, that way if things go well and you have another date but have a flare up, and might have to reschedule he might be more understanding than thinking he's getting blown off. Anyways anyone who will be truly worth your time will understand and not be judgmental!!

Best wishes and good luck!!

Well??? Update please!

Well, it went ok. I did start to have a flare up. But I went to his house for a BBQ so I was able to sit alot and get off of my leg. My leg would not stop burning. His sister is my friend and I guess she kinda explained that I had something wrong with my ankle, so he was very understanding. That being said, I am not sure if he is for me. He is kinda a negative person and as you guys have figured out I am not. But I am going to go out with him again. He was very sweet to me and seemed very caring. Plus he is not too bad looking either! So the night was a success and as soon as I got there he made me feel very comfortable. I had a great time and am looking forward to the next time we hang out.

Thank you for all of your advice! It for sure helped me get through this date!!

I know I'm coming to this after the fact, but I saw your original post today and the topic you hit on is something I spend MUCH time obsessing (and I'm a little obsessive to begin with) over with my Pain Psychologist. Thank you for bringing it up, and, after reading your posts, good luck with seeing with any developing relationship in this case (or not, if you've moved on).

Being single, dating is an important subject. I was, well, devastated by the realization that I, in all likelihood, am going to be permanently afflicted with a disorder that, in my case, is progressing slowly throughout my body. I'm officially 'disabled' now, but I know my condition is going to lead to further physical dilapidation.

All the meds; the nerve blocks; nothing works. The most beneficial thing has been therapy, along with meditation (when I'm not in a pain flare leaving me on the floor unable to even try such an endeavor).

But I had the need to be able to verbalize, to practice the part, to run lines with my therapist about actually going on a date with another human being. The acting analogy also is a reference to my situation, living in LA, and, before all of this, working in film.

I was hopelessly stuck on when you do the normal date background talk "well, I've got this 'thing'. Do you have an hour?", which just made me more depressed. I mean, I have to say something. I use a cane; I have Lidoderm patches all over my body. My condition can't be avoided.

My therapist wiped all my consternation away in an instant, simply suggesting I say "I hurt my back", and leave it at that. I couldn't get my hands around that one. I'm (it's unavoidable) so wrapped up in my affliction, I felt I couldn't just say something so simple. Additionally, it's dishonest. The more I ranted I got to saying that's morally offensive.

But my therapist kept on her tact. Her point being I am not just my illness, there is so much more to who we are as a person, that why would I bog myself done in the muck immediately. It is a little narcissistic actually. I strenuously objected to this strategy, but she was tenacious. Her suggestion was if the date led to another meeting, and things were developing, then I would reveal the whole hours long tale of woe and misery. The correct response from the woman (or man) should be sympathy. It would certainly be my response if presented with such a scenario, and if I was interested in that person, I would continue on to see what could possibly develop. If that was NOT the response, well then see you later. You're morally repugnant.

I've found that of course other people don't obsess over another's illness the way the ill person does, and that it is indeed possible to get to know someone.

I mean, there's nothing I can do about my situation. It is what it is, and it isn't going to change anytime soon.

I forgot to write in my rambling post my sincere good wishes to you in your dating adventures.

Hi all,

I'm married so I know this isn't dating stuff strictly! But it reminds me of the way we ALL have to decide how to approach the subject of our CRPS with new people - dating just adds extra stress to the simple act of wanting to make friends...

Basically, the stress you put on your CRPS will give that new person an impression of how much it affects your life. If within a few meetings you sit them down for a three hour festival of CRPS facts and how awful it is for you, then you are going to overwhelm them with all manner of scary medical talk, medicines, disability, horror symptoms etc. However good your intentions are, they wre going to think they cant invite you to the cinema, go shopping, do activities, sit in the pub, go for a meal, etc etc without causing you suffering and possibly having other people notice. It takes a while for any relationsiop to get to the point where your friend/partner doesnt mind those limitations! And however much you need to talk, I think it's better long term to go for a drip-feed effect.

Of course say that you have a painful problem with your ankle/knee/wrist initially, and then move on, letting them know that you don't want to spend too much time talking about something that affects you negatively. If they ask questions then answer them honestly and briefly, but don't dwell on it. There is plenty of time for more detail if you get on and things progress. I just think CRPS is so huge, and when even your own docs don't always get it, when nurses and your own family struggle to get their heads around it, it's expecting a LOT from someone in a potentially romantic situation to be able to see past it to you yourself.

Personally, I never define myself as disabled. Sadly it is a word with negative associations for most 'normal' folk, even if they are sympathetic. It means doctors appts and meds, ramps and special parking spaces, benefits and bathroom adaptations! Obviously we know there are many types of disability, but I'm just saying that the majority of people struggle to process something like CRPS and the disability it can cause.

Have your story ready, practice on a friend. They are a good barometer of how much detail to give. An honest friend is worth gold! Of course be honest, you should never feel you have to lie, but a positive outlook and a wish to concentrate on the good stuff and not dwell on the bad will give you a really good start. You can build from there

Really REALLY good luck to anyone dating with this. You deserve someone special, always believe it.

Bram.