Hi all,

I'm married so I know this isn't dating stuff strictly! But it reminds me of the way we ALL have to decide how to approach the subject of our CRPS with new people - dating just adds extra stress to the simple act of wanting to make friends...

Basically, the stress you put on your CRPS will give that new person an impression of how much it affects your life. If within a few meetings you sit them down for a three hour festival of CRPS facts and how awful it is for you, then you are going to overwhelm them with all manner of scary medical talk, medicines, disability, horror symptoms etc. However good your intentions are, they wre going to think they cant invite you to the cinema, go shopping, do activities, sit in the pub, go for a meal, etc etc without causing you suffering and possibly having other people notice. It takes a while for any relationsiop to get to the point where your friend/partner doesnt mind those limitations! And however much you need to talk, I think it's better long term to go for a drip-feed effect.

Of course say that you have a painful problem with your ankle/knee/wrist initially, and then move on, letting them know that you don't want to spend too much time talking about something that affects you negatively. If they ask questions then answer them honestly and briefly, but don't dwell on it. There is plenty of time for more detail if you get on and things progress. I just think CRPS is so huge, and when even your own docs don't always get it, when nurses and your own family struggle to get their heads around it, it's expecting a LOT from someone in a potentially romantic situation to be able to see past it to you yourself.

Personally, I never define myself as disabled. Sadly it is a word with negative associations for most 'normal' folk, even if they are sympathetic. It means doctors appts and meds, ramps and special parking spaces, benefits and bathroom adaptations! Obviously we know there are many types of disability, but I'm just saying that the majority of people struggle to process something like CRPS and the disability it can cause.

Have your story ready, practice on a friend. They are a good barometer of how much detail to give. An honest friend is worth gold! Of course be honest, you should never feel you have to lie, but a positive outlook and a wish to concentrate on the good stuff and not dwell on the bad will give you a really good start. You can build from there

Really REALLY good luck to anyone dating with this. You deserve someone special, always believe it.

Bram.