[Allanira]

Does anyone else feel like their world is crashing down? Or that they can do nothing right? That is the kind of day I am having. I hurt today more than I have the last few weeks. I am trying not to take meds so I don't affect my pregnancy. I feel like a failure because I can't get up and clean my house. My son is mad at me because I had to put my dog where he can't hit her because he thinks its funny. Its at that age. I want to curl up in a dark room and not have anyone even think about me, but then that makes me feel worse. Because if I feel that way I know that I am putting off that vibe. I want to take my son to the park or even just outside to play but I can't go running after him if he decides to start running off out of the yard. I want to go shopping for food for the house but I hurt too much. I don't want strange people looking at me weird because I get on a motor scooter to do my shopping thinking oh there goes another lazy person that just doesn't want to walk. Why do I have to feel this way? Even as I write this I am on the verge of crying. I know some of my emotions are hormone based. Its the pregnancy I know and when my newest son is born and grows up he will thank me for not taking the meds because of how high of a potential there is of messing him up. But then again I keeping thinking that he wouldn't thank me for being in pain for his sake. I am trying to be brave and hide these feelings. I don't want my husband to think he has to do everything for me. I don't want my son/s to think I don't love them. Right now I just want to hide from the world but can't. A mom can't hide from her kids unless she is just so mental and doesn't have a maternal bone in her body. She has to be with her babies. Its a natural instinct. But being with him hurts too. The walking and standing and getting on the floor to play. It all adds up. I have had to get my husband to help me up several times because I couldn't do it by myself. I am trying to teach my son to bring me my phone incase I need to call someone for help. The thing is he is more interested in playing with it himself lol. I love my family. I love my husband and think he is awesome. But this is something I don't want to burden himself with. I don't want him to worry that I will hurt myself intentionally because of how I feel, or to get rid of the pain. I just wish there was a way to stop the pain and make me, me again.

[Brambledog]

Sometimes, yep I certainly do.

Give yourself a break though . You are dealing with two very difficult situations - pregnancy with a toddler already around to stress you and physically challenge you every minute, and of course CRPS to cause immense pain and difficulty with every little thing you want to do. But hey,you can't do as much as a normal person, and every thing you do manage is a bonus when pain is high. Your husband knows this, and you have to accept that it is not your fault that you can't do stuff sometimes.

I had a major wobbly when contemplating a wheelchair last year. I didn't want to be a person in a wheelchair getting stared at and judged and commented on. But my OT said a very wise thing - who cares what other people think? As long as you know what you can and can't reasonably do, and you know that you are using this thing because it helps you, then screw anyone who tries to make you feel bad. Your family and close friends know the situation, a few folk might ask questions, but the majority of people will leave you to it. The relief of doing something daft like shopping without a stick, and needing to be helped by someone, and having to stop halfway through because of wanting to just break down, was huge. I've never yet regretted using it.

What you do, you do for your family and for yourself. That's good enough. All the other stuff is about trying to control your imagination and fears, and stop them getting on top of you and controlling your actions. You should feel good about the fact that you are dealing with monster like CRPS with so little meds in order to safeguard your baby and look after your son. That's an amazing sacrifice

Take care of yourself and try to feel proud of what you are doing here. Give yourself a little pat on the back and say well done me, hang in there and keep going...

Hope it didn't sound too patronising lol! But yes, I know what you mean. And it's rough when you feel so frustrated and scared. Do you have reins for your son so he can't run off? They were fab when mine were small - you don't see them so often now, but I haven't a clue why!

Bram.

[Allanira]

Yes I did get the backpack leash for him lol! It makes me laugh the looks I get when we are in the store with me on the scooter and him walking beside it. People give me an oh my gosh she's crazy look. Or if my husband is with us he sits in the cart seat. I keep my cane with me so if I need to stand up and get something then I can. Today is a bad day. I so wish I could yell it at the top of my lungs DON'T JUDGE ME UNTILL YOU HAVE WALKED A MILE OR EVEN JUST 30 FEET IN MY SHOES!! Maybe that would get their attentions. Let them feel for just a few minutes what I feel every day. What we all here and the ones that aren't here feel. Usually I am up beat and positive about this. As my sons grow they will be more sympathetic to others with disabilities I hope just by seeing what I deal with everyday. I had someone looking at me yesterday evening when we went out to dinner and saying things about me being big bellied with a cane. If I lost wait I wouldn't need it. It just set me off and I have let it get to me.

[AZ-Di]

As usual very well said by Bram! I would echo what she said - she gives good advice. I think as women we are so used to being the caregivers to everyone that we guilt ourselves too much.
You are so brave to go through a pregnancy, much less keep after a little one with this horrid disease.
I don't take my own advice on this one very well, but I think to be a good mom and wife you need to MAKE time to take proper care of yourself!
The only thing I can think of it that your O.B. Dr. and Pain Mgt. Dr. need to be in communication with each other about your care.
Bless you!

[Allanira]

My PM won't touch me while im pregnant. My ob wont even think about CRPS. I try and try but no go. I have the diabetes test on the 19th and they probably wont tell me anything then. I wont put this baby at risk just like I didn't put his brother at risk. I get to muddle through on my own. The rural drs here suck. I have been to many rural drs and none have been as bad as here. This is like walking into a room with a lot of people and you ae the only one blindfolded. Ugh get me out of here and please Lord dont let me mentally or physically drag these people by a rope attached to my truck by their ankles. Now that makes a good mental picture then they might feel a little bit of what we do every day. Sorry im bloody minded right now.