[AZ-Di]

The rational side of me feels ridiculous for posting this but I'm on overload & need to vent. I well know we all have more serious issues on here.

In 10 months time I've lost so much of my former "normal" life. Work is replaced with Dr.s, proceedures, meds., pain and P.T. and everything else takes twice as long to do. I do still try and maintain as normal a life for my husband and family as I can and burden them as little as possible. I haven't let my appearance go.

I do take an antidepressant with with all my other meds.

My husband's weekend comes and I'm made to feel as if I must put my RSD/CRPS away and it's all about him. I try to tell him to go and just play golf or whatever, but no. So, I put on a happy face and try to keep up with whatever he wants. Then, we go see the movie "Last Vegas".

I don't know what's wrong with me I know it's just a movie but it was the last straw emotionally right now. I'm not mad at him I just feel so worthless!
The movie is supposed to be funny and light but my husband made laughing "eww" noises at the old ladies in bathing suits. (I know that's what the movie was going for) and "mmm,mm" noises at the teenage DD bikini models (again, what they were going for). The only middle age women who was regarded as o.k. was a gorgeous lawyer and singer, single and available.

I know I'm making too much of this but I can't help it! It takes so much effort to maintain what I still am! (Yes, we still have a sex life) sorry TMI!

I already feel diminished but to think he wants "mm,mm" when I feel "EWW". I just feel worthless and suididal now. I should just make him free of this burden.