Hi everyone, I know I've typed comments about marriage and the stress that rsd has put on mine. I was wondering if anyone else has the same problem. I get so embarrassed because I feel like I'm the only one who has this problem and then take out my posts on it. Maybe I am the only one and it's my fault that the stress from rsd is affecting my marriage. I just thought I'd ask. I've finally built up the courage to ask without deleting my post. Thanks for listening. Take care.

Hello Renee,

You are most certainly not alone and I am sorry you are feeling this way. I'm pretty sure most couples who have any type of chronic illness/condition, will admit that it takes a toll on their relationship at times. I think anything that takes your attention away from what is considered normal daily life whether that be pain, school, work etc., for a significant amount of time will try a relationship.

Even without chronic illness/disease relationships can be trying at times. All relationships take commitment in the best and worst of times.

Tessa

Hi Tessa,

Thanks so much for your comforting words. I really appreciate it. RSD has been so hard on my marriage and I've felt so lost at times, because I thought I was the only one having this problem. I kept blaming myself for the stress it has caused my marriage and I was too ashamed to ask anyone what they thought. Thank you for helping me to see that I'm not alone and that as long as my husband and I are committed to trying to make our marriage work, we can overcome any obstacle, even RSD.

Sincerely,
Renee.

I'll chime in Renee.
No you are not alone in feeling this way. I often feel guilty for obstacles
it puts in the way. I had to remind myself that even though I don't get escape
from this most of the time, he should have as normal of a life as possible.

I too am a very private person, but I have welcomed support & advice from
this group. Sometimes, only fellow suffers can truly understand.

I think there's probably a lot of us feeling that way Renee, so don't get so down on yourself about this.... Long term pain and physical limitations are bound to put stress on every relationship you have, especially your most important ones. And top of that is your marriage, because you go into it thinking of it as a partnership - then because of what the CRPS is doing to you, you feel like you've broken that contract and rewritten the rules...

You just have to remember, it's not our choice to deal with this. It's just what has happened, and if it had happened to your husband instead of you, you would be the one dealing with the changes in and for him. It's just the way the dice fall, for all of us.

If it helps at all, my husband and I actually saw a counsellor a while ago to talk through some of the ways our lives and relationship had changed, and the effects it was having on us. We'd been having a bit of a crappy time and it got us back on track - I'd recommend it every time. Our counsellor was lovely, and we just talked through everything and how it made us feel. It's amazing the difference it makes when you are talking to a complete outsider who knows nothing about your life but what you tell them. Very healing thing to do, and it makes it so much easier to see the other persons point of view...

There's no easy answers with any of this stuff, but you do need to kind of forgive yourself first of all. It's not your fault.

Take care and don't feel alone. We understand and we're with you on this one.

Bram.

I'll chime in too!
This monster that we deal with stresses out the best of us from time to time.
My wife is also my caregiver and chauffeur. Being that I'm in a wheelchair and have a balance issue she's with me all the time because I can't be left alone. I also get occasional siezures.
Stress levels aren't high but they're there. I feel so bad that she can't get away, have a job or even take a break.
She's a trooper for sure!
We understand the reasons for stress and try to enjoy the time we have together. Not to sound so gorpie but with all that's going on with me who knows how long we got...
Take care and good luck...

You are not alone.It is hard on everyone..I sometimes think it is my fault we do not do more..Because I cannot walk as well as I once could..So I feel I hold him back..Even get snappy at him.I guess no one is perfect..With or without RSD.I feel our sex life has changed a lot too.I have to say we have had a lot of ups and downs,but I sure know we love each another no matter what..I have had RSD for almost 4 years..It will be 4 years on the 24th of this month..He did not run away,he married me Dec.22,2012..He sang to me first ,Singing I CROSS MY HEART..It was the best..He is the best.. So hang in there,talking is good.Share the little things too.I find making little love notes help to brighten the days..On there pillow,in there coat pocket,it makes you and him or her smile..

OK, OK,... well.........since you asked.........I'm not one to talk about this.....but ...YES it definitely has taken a toll on our marriage. I have found that it is so important to ask your spouse what this is like from their perspective. For instance, I perceived my husband was frustrated with my limited mobility and looking at me as a pain in the @#%! When I asked him about it , he told me how very hard it was for him to see me struggle and not be able to take the pain away. He told me it broke his heart to see me so different from my former self. Don't make the assumption that you know what your spouse is experiencing. Consider how it would be for you if the CRPS monster affected your spouse instead of you. Hope this helps Renee.

Its not just marriage! Ive been in a long term relationship and it stresses us. I honestly think its actually 1 of the reasons why we wont get married. We have had lengthy conversations about it. But when I cant drive, I cant work and I don't even know if I could have children, I cant do basic things. It just doesn't leave much. And that honestly is a burden on anybody.

Renee,

I think it's important to remember, when you are beating yourself up about this, that you didn't ask for RSD, you didn't want RSD (heck, most of us probably didn't even know what it was !), and you didn't do anything to "deserve" developing this.

We still have to apologize if we've been extra irritable/snippy and during periods of some control over pain levels, it's nice to try to give your partner some extra attention and thank them for what they do.

My marriage was in trouble long before RSD raised it's ugly head, so I don't think I'm qualified to comment more on what to do to make a marriage work, but I very qualified to say I KNOW that feelings of guilt and being a burden make our pain issues so much worse.