Has anyone lost friends due to being in Chronic pain? I would love to get this off my chest. I stopped contact with 2 friends because of how they treated me because of my pain conditions (RSD + Back pain, sometimes neck/head pain). We were the 3 musketeers. We did EVERYTHING togethor. One friend, Steph, I’ve known since second grade and the other, Kristen, since Freshman year. I’m 37 now. That’s a long time.

I'll get to the point.........they blew me off on 2 vacations.

This was the first vacation, which happened a decade ago. The 3 of us were supposed to go to Mexico. My friend Steph calls me one day asking me if I wanted to go to the Travel agent, with her and our friend Kristen, next week to book it. I said “Absolutely”.

Two weeks later....Steph was driving, I was next to her in the front passenger seat.. Our friend Kristen and this girl Becky were in the back seat. Well, Becky (whom I call Big-mouth-Becky) said something to the effect of “So Step and Kristen you’re going to Mexico next month are you excited???....” I wish I could remember exactly what she said because it was a lot worse then that. There was DEAD SILENCE and we were sitting at a red light. I turned my head and looked at Steph. She looked at Becky in the rear-view mirror and gave her a look like she wanted to STRANGLE her for spilling the beans. No one said a word the entire drive. They knew that I caught them. I wanted to get out of that car so bad. They were going without me. They probably thought that I would ruin their vacation because of my pains. I was perfectly capable to go on a vacation. I NEEDED it more then anything. How on earth can you ditch a friend like that.

The 2nd vacation was to Marti Gras. A bunch of us girls were going. There were 6 or 7 of us. The hotel was booked the day after THAT years Marti Gras. So an entire year passes and it’s now the week BEFORE we were set to go. I was so excited. Well, my wonderful friend Steph calls me. She said what she said so fast that she didn’t even take a breath OR let me get a word in. She says “The hotel called and said that they lost our reservation so we can’t go to Mardi Gras can you believe that? I guess we’re not going bye”...and she hung up. The only word I got in was hello? . HOW ON EARTH can a hotel call and say “We lost your reservation”. Then how did they know we had rooms reserved? How did they get her phone number to CALL her? Again, they thought I was going to ruin their good time. Before we booked the hotel Steph was talking about getting the closest hotel (to where all the action is) in case I needed to leave and go to my room to rest. I never ever asked them to change anything to “accommidate” me.

2 weeks pass and I go to Steph’s place and there are beads everywhere. ….FROM Mari gras. You would think that they would try to cover up the fact that they ditched me.

I’m not comfortable being around them. They don’t know that this is why I havn’t been in contact with them. No facebook chats or messages etc..I haven't seen them in 7 yrs.

I have one TRUE friend named Nina. Actually she's more like a sister. I've known her since she was born....35 yrs. I went on 2 vacations with her (Aruba and Cozumel) so screw em!!! She understands my limitations and has no problem with them.

I struggle weather to tell them or not. I would love an apology and an explanation. I'm to chicken to send them a message. Would you stop contact with people like that?

(Sorry so long...I hope ALL of you are doing well )
Heather

Heather, I am so sorry you had to experience that. I totally get it. My friends disappeared after my massive stroke and the RSD set in. They were our friends in our other lives. Not this life.

Heather, yep, completely get you on this one friends who turn out not to be...it's so sad and hurtful. I bet we've all been there at times.

Moosey started a thread just called 'friends' that has a lot of discussion about this...have a look. I'm sorry I can't type more but I'm lying down today on account of the crapness of things, and typing is a mare

Take care, and remember that they are wrong - you're still worth someone's friendship, they're just not worth yours.

Bram

Yes Heather, I too have lost friends. They just don't have the time to deal with me because I cannot keep up and they just don't know what to say...this is my guess. I have been dropped by many of them. That just shows that they weren't friends to begin with. I have a few good friends, but they live a few hours away (where I used to live).

If I were you, I would reach out to those "friends" and ask them WTH? Tell them you do not want to argue or fight, you just want an explanation. I think it will help you get past this and no longer worry so much about it (you have enough to deal with). I had a really good friend that lives very close by, we had been friends for many years and most recently bonded over our chronic pain. I didn't hear from her for months, so I finally sent her a text asking what was going on...why haven't I heard from you??? She thought I was mad at her. I wasn't. We talked about it and I told her that we needed to just move past this misunderstanding. She was supposed to come see me...haven't heard from her since Christmas. I know we are no longer friends but I feel better about it because I reached out and don't have to wonder anymore. As my husband says, it is her loss!

I think people are too wrapped up in themselves to have much patience, compassion and concern for others. Sometimes it is just too much work. I know not everyone is like that, but a good portion of people are.

Bram is right, they are not worth your friendship!
Nanc

Heather, on the other hand, I never felt the need to put them on the spot by contacting.. Their persistent absence spoke volumes to me. I was so busy trying to get better anyhow.

Heather, I am so sorry. I have only had CRPS in my foot for a very short time but I have these fears. My bachelorette party is coming up (exactly 3 months from today) in Vegas. A few of my friends are saying we have to go dancing. My friends have the "drink the pain away" attitude. With none of them experiencing pain this severe they don't understand you can't drink the pain away. Because before I was put on Percocet, I sure tried! I just hope I have a few Nina's. Those true friends mean the world. I wish you all the best and happiness!
Megan

I have lost many friends and family due to my RSD, my dad left my mom cause he blamed her for the disease. My uncles and aunts will no longer speak to meor my mom saying it was all in my head. I have a sister that is jealous of my mom needing to help me so much. The one great friend I have kept is from college and to find out a year after I was diagnosed she was to diagnosed with RSD in her knee she didnt know the disease but after hearing my symptoms she knew it was the same. My childhood friend wont speak to me. I try not to think of it as it just stress me out I just know to believe in my self and not let them change me as RSD has already dont that. They just dont understand and would rather believe nothings wrong or if it is I am just crazy. I am sorry the way you friend are treating you!

Hello, and I am sorry your friends hurt you. I am just an older lady and have lost a friend or two. I would leave it alone, and go on with your life. Have a good time with the new people in your life. Put it in the rear view mirror as a bump if but painful in your life. Not all people can deal with a person who has some limits due to pain. Real friends stay the course. I wish you all the best. ginnie

sorry brambledog your right I normally do but I forgot so much going on having to defend myself form another frigging load of attacks, what is it with us Brits ever since I started fighting in Oct 2010 I have had points where I come under vicious unwarranted attacks and smear campaigns but it's only ever been from UK.

Its ok, sorry you're having a tough time again Kev, it's always nasty when things get personal... Brits are particularly good at making life hell for someone

Bram.