[Angelina55]

How is everyone doing? I hope you all are doing better.

This winter has been so rough on me! I have had so many health issues, gotten flu twice, strep,(seems like every two weeks I get sick again), family has been horrible!, and my pain is kicking my butt! I can't wait for it to be over and atleast be warm outside. I am just so beaten up right now, I feel so lost. I know that even no one gets it that you all will be understanding. my living situation has gotten bad and kinda unsafe ...not physically but mentally and emotionally especially for my daughter! Because of it she has started some signs of depression. I am trying so hard to get us out of here and in our own place, but I feel like it is impossible! I have even been trying to get a job even though my pain is getting worse. But I have to protect her and myself. I am willing to do anything!!! I have signed up for every low income apartments I can find. There is hope with one, they have three coming available and even though I am number 26 on waitlist he thinks it is good that I will get one. I am going to call them tomorrow. I just don't know how I am going to afford everything being disabled and only getting about $700 a month
but I have to try. I don't know where to get help either. All I know is that for us to be healthy we have to have our own place.

I am so tired of having so many different health issues on top of CRPS. And the worst part about it is my family has completely pushed me out. My dad told me yesterday that it was my fault and that I isolated myself and turned everyone against me! I couldn't believe it. I told him that just because I have to stay in bed where my room is warm because my pain has been worse doesn't mean I am isolating myself. Its like if you have a day or so feeling better than you should be cured. He just won't get it that this disease is for life. And if he cared about me even a little he would go to an appointment. When my white blood cells were critically low he didn't care that they were having people who were sick stay at our house. And I couldn't get sick cuz that would have been horrible news for me. My doctors told me I could die. I just feel like my family doesn't care about me at all. I may be surrounded with lots of family but they are meaner than anyone else or anyone I know. CRPS is hard enough, it is extremely difficult when you have no one.

My depression has been faltering because I have no one. I want someone to care/worry about me just a little! I am so done with everything. I just can't take it. If it wasn't for my daughter and having to protect her I would give up. I hate not being able to have even a little control over my life. I don't like that I can't change it. I have always been a person that if you don't like something then change it and I can't! I have changed my outlook on life to accommodate this pain and it is frustrating that I can't take this head on.

Thanks for letting me get it out. Loves to you all!
Angel

[AZ-Di]

Angelina it's good to hear from you but I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through. That's sounds horribly mean how your family is acting.
Were they always tough on you even before RSD/CRPS? It
sounds like they have it in their head that some "tough love" will force
you get over it. They need a reality check but how to make that happen?

I'm proud how pro active you're being on housing. Have you looked into other programs you may be eligible for because of your daughter? Like WIC
for example? Sorry, can't type more for now. We do care!
Please hang in there girl!!

[moosey2me]

oh boy I feel so bad for you..its terrible when family turns away more or less too.its really hard.You know the ones that are really close seams like they back away or get to get being unfriendly.Wonder if they care,but do not know how to express them selves.,or how to deal with us not being the same as we once were.wish you the best..Try having a heart to heart if possible...or let them go with you to the doctors,if they will not let them read about rsd..

[fbodgrl]

Good to hear from you, but sorry things have gotten worse.

This winter has been horrible!

Do you have any friends you could stay with while you work on getting your own place? I'd also look into any kind of food assistance, etc. that you can.

[eevo61]

Sorry to read your also dealing not only with crps but also with the sequels following our condition,sadly,no many people really understand our daily battle maybe because is not everyone else fight,see,we can only deal with so much at the time and like a song said,we are only humans,we bleed,we got scare,feel pain and we seen to be invisible for some people or is better for then to ignore us and live in denial but our reality is not that, we are battle an invisible demon that sometimes is not too invisible after all, I had battle this condition not for too long but I had enough, I keep trying but is hard,I got that part,but you will never stop that feeling that you are alone no matter how many people seen to be understanding they really try but they can't be in our shoes literally no even for one day, is our destiny I guess ,cruel but is what it is,we will always have someone who keep our feet down earth but for the rest we really feel like make no sense and we want to give up, I had bad days too, lately more than before but reality is we have to keep fighting for ourselves, be brave, more than you already are, I'm afraid too everyday and also think like you but when I see people feeling that way make me realized we are on this fight together no matter who we are, been here makes us those brothers and sisters we wish to have, we all share the same feelings just let us know,we are here for each other,I feel same way and when I feel down I always wrote few sentences looking for those words that will heal my heart at least for that day,hope things get better soon for you like I always pray for everybody else,is normal,I'm sure but faith also keep us floating in these huge ocean of loneliness , change your grieve into grace, smile even when ur in pain no one else can do it but you, wish you the best and let us know how you doing,we are all listening, blessing to you all, from Jesika