Mark,
I know. He says he "knows my pain" because he's had carpal tunnel surgery on both wrists... which is a very painful nerve syndrome.... however based on the McGill Pain Scale..it's like a slight fracture compared to slowly cutting off a finger with an electrified safety pin..... and seriously I would never lessen his pain, and when he's hurt, do everything I can to help....
What hurts the most? He never..never apologizes anymore...
The most hurtful thing he's said was
"I wish I had the 'old Emma' back, I don't like you this way"
I know I'll be okay in a day or two but....I hate the way I feel now....
And sometimes I feel like he's just waiting for my lawsuit to come in...or at least that's why he's still with me

Hey Bird,
Tell him from a former OTR truck driver to another, lighten up!
I used to drive from NC to various locations in NYC twice a week. Then got into a bad crash and after years of this monster I'm in a wheelchair due to full body CRPS along with complications of my cerebellum shrinking. I can see both sides of this, and if he thinks it over, he's got the better end.
All he's got to do is to continue doing what he chooses to do while you are learning to deal with life in a different way. It may seem that's it all about you at times because it is.
He doesn't hurt when he moves. He doesn't look at life as a physical struggle.
My wife, who is also my care giver, reads some of these posts about how families get stressed out and tells me she can understand both sides but is happy that we have been able to balance things.
Excuse me for saying this but if I were you I'd tell him "This ain't no truck stop, get it yourself "... lol
(I hope he reads this...)
Be well...

Unfortunately he probably won't. He isn't really involved in my care or anything to do with my condition. He has chosen not to be the entire time. I had to nearly beg him to come to my the only appt he did. . Bur thanks you made me smile. ....because that's pretty much what I said. ..without the trucker part

he doesn't help you with your condition? what about when it acts up and you need him?
I can tell you some truly horrifying stories of what my girlfriend has had to do this past seven years. Let's just say it was much less than pleasant.
He should be helping you with this sickness. The "old us" is gone. It sucks but it is what it is. He needs to deal with it.
You deserve to be treated right. God all these illnesses suck. They don't need to be made worse by getting chastised for being sick.

It's nice to hear it, outside of my own thoughts! I really am not exaggerating a single thing he's said. Now I do want to point out that I don't just sit quietly with nothing to say when he gets like this. ...that could be part of the problem! Lol.
It just feels super one sided. I mean I've just gotten some terrible, life-altering news. And he really didn't have anything to say to me about it, other than make sure you tell the lawyer....sigh
I think you're right. He even said quite a few times "if you hadn't gone to the E.R. in the first place this never would have happened. Even though my doctors office told me to go, he believes it was my choice to go, and therefore I am a fault...it's so frustrating and hurtful. Like except for the money I'll eventually get, it's not a "big deal" ha! When I'm looking at being at least partially disabled!!lol good grief...at least I know how to find humor and blessings in almost every single I have thrown at me. I know it was a post. With kind of depressing tones.

That doesn't mean I'm going to give up. promise I will get through this and I will keep fighting for every bit of freedom and mobility I have...
It's just a little hard to see the Sun, when you're feeling nothing but the rain...

Goodness I am so sorry for all that you are going through....I must say though reading your post I can very much relate to the lack of support and empathy. My boyfriend is uninvolved in my situation, he works, I'm currently on a leave, I do EVERYTHING around the house and he barely notices or even asks how I am. When I point it out he says "well I figured it hasn't changed".....I think it'd just how differently we think. Sometimes for me, talking about my pain and situation helps me through it where as he sees it as dwelling on it.

geez, my girlfriend does way too much while I cry day and night about being sick. i will start to help and be more appreciative

Songbird:

What a tough go. I'm really sorry that you're going through this. As you can already see with the responses here - You're not alone

I hope you don't mind me chipping in with somewhat of a different perspective...

Especially when things are rough, our first instinct is often to blame and find fault in others (and in ourselves). This literally adds fuel to the fire, and makes it even harder to find common ground.

My advice is to consider the fact that your fiance is also coping with the fear of his own powerlessness to "fix" you and the situation. The anger and seflishness he is projecting is a result of his own fear, even though it seems directed 100% at blaming you.

Your fiance cannot truly understand your pain without going through it himself. You cannot change him. You can only stand in your truth. This means standing up for yourself (which you are doing.) It could also mean a recognition of his own ignorance and a softening in your heart towards him because he simply doesn't know any better.

At the same time, don't expect him to have the same understanding of you. People only change on their own terms. When they are ready to. I am not saying to be a doormat for the guy. Just not to go beyond your limits at the expense of your own sense of value. Find solace in your own understanding.

Regardless of the fear he projects onto you --- Know that you are an amazing person for your selfless acts of love through excruciating pain. And that good deeds are rarely rewarded right away.