I'm not sure whether to give you my condolences, or my congratulations, to be honest. I, too, lost a husband over my RSD...at least that's what he said. We hadn't been happy for several years, that's for sure. That "for better or worse" part of the ceremony I think he totally ignored.

But I was happier alone than with him, for sure. There was much more peace in my life, and plenty less stress. That can only be GOOD for us, right?

And as soon as I totally gave up on the idea of love, I mean truly quit, it came storming back into my life! Michael and I have been together for almost eight years now (will be eight on the 18th of this month )

He signed up for it, as they say, lol! We both had major health issues, me the rsd, him the aids and HepC. Now, of course, I have aids as well. But we truly DID go into this relationship with our eyes wide open, and it has been the best of my entire life. He's everything to me, and I to him.

So relax and take a deep breath. Give yourself time to come to terms with this, and you will. You never know what God has in store for you next.

Please remember stress on top of RSD is the same as gas on a fire--it makes it flare! So take care and treat youself like the special person you are!! A little extra bath salts, favorite ice cream. rental of a new movie (Wild Hogs was funny) or a copy of the latest book....books are a nice change from reading prescription labels... And if those ideas are not exciting enought Maxine's said any woman can have the body of a 21-year-old...as long as she buys him a few drinks first Venting is good for letting off steam and we are here for you. And please do not sell yourself short, let hubby do all he can for you in the money department!!! Carose

Prayers that you'll never lose hope that someday things may turn around.

Hope

roz,

i'm sorry that things haven't worked out for u......but if u prefer a simple life, u may feel better being on your own -- i hope so!

i know that california has stringent community property laws, but i have no idea how that applies in a separation.....if financial problems come along, it might be worth your while to talk to a lawyer about that aspect of it.

hamg in there roz....and be sure that we're all hangin' with u!

liz

why is it that so many men can't handle stress like this? my husband was very unsympathetic when i had my rotator cuff surgery (which was the worst pain ever until RSD) and having his mother here the week after the operation, i can see where he gets it. then when i was diagnosed with RSD he didn't give a rats *****. he did, however, find his way to my vicodin and began taking that. so then i had to hide it. then he found it again and took it again. he said he was taking them at night to sleep... he had a horrible sinus infection which turned into nasty bronchitis and was taking cough syrup with codeine and instead of calling the doctor for more, he just took mine. whatever. so i ended up throwing the rest of them down the toilet in front of him - nevermind that i needed them sometimes. so now my RSD has returned and i can't remember where i hid the rest of my pills. all this because of my husband's selfishness.

i wish i could just hug you all and cry. i am so sad.

Hi Angie,

Here is a book that I have found very helpful, I have had it for sometime. I personally am no certain religion, but I believe in prayer. Much Love, Roz

http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Wor...781297-4279954

Hey Roz,

Not sure what to say here. I can't determine by what you have said if you are ok with this seperation or not ok with it. So all I can think of to say really is, whatever it is you wish to happen, happens........

I do realize you both have some thinking & sorting out to do.

And if you still wish too, you can always applie for SSD. You can do it over the phone. They set up an appointment to call on a specific date & time. I answered all the questions over the phone. At the time I could not have sat in their office to do it for nothing. They do send you a form stating all the info you need to have gathered for the phone interview, I think.

Good Luck,
DebbyV

Hi Roz,
Thanks for responding to my questions. I read your post and feel so bad about your problems with your husband. My husband is also disabled our marriage has gone through some bad times. Very stressfull. I don't knoe how we have made it this far. But my husband married me knowing that I had problems. Its a hard life with RSD and you have to find someone special to be able to deal with all that RSD brings. I've been lucky, when I really need him, he takes care of me. I think your better off. You don't need all of that stress. Stress is so bad for us. Good luck to you and I hope you find peace.

sue k.

Hi Roz,
My heart breaks for you, it really does. My husband left me when my [then] undiagnosed fibromyalgia and depression got too "annoying" for him. He said that if our marriage didn't get more "fun" he didn't want it any more. So he split, and here I am 10 years later having raised 2 kids into adolescence. Now I really know what pain and fatigue are! I wish I had met someone new, and fallen in love, but the fact is that chronic illness and kids aren't a great selling point in the romance market. Stress is an awful trigger for RSD and depression so please make a straight line for your psychiatrist if you have one (and if you don't, now is a swell time to give it a try).

Now - the practical side (the lawyer side of me) dishes out some free legal advice. You said that you never applied for SSD, and also said that your husband says he doesn't want a divorce: my dear, you need to do one or the other now, and FAST. This is no time for cherished slow thinking or decision-making (nice, but a luxury you cannot afford now). Of course the lame dude doesn't want a divorce! he doesn't want a divorce because he will have to pay you $$$ support, especially because you have a chronic illness!!
First, please file for SSD if there is the slightest chance you might meet the criteria. Most applications are denied the first time, so completely ignore the first denial and plan on appealing it.http://www.rsdsa.org/4/resources/pdf...20Medicare.pdf The RSDSA website has great help and instructions. this website has great website links in the stickies section.

Second, immediately [next 7 days] chat with a lawyer about filing a petition for divorce. This doesn't make you divorced - it just means that you've given a court a piece of paper asking for financial protection while hubby is gallumphing around doing his own thing.You can change your mind later and talk to hubby and go to counseling or what not for months or years, and even withdraw your petition for a divorce. But the second you notify a court, the court will protect your bank account, your right to 50% of his pension and retirement, your right to 50% of your house, car, and anything else he owns. And the court will order monthly payments for you. Can you afford to go a single month without your prescriptions? Or electricity? Call your grumpiest, non-romantic friend to help with this process. Nolo Press publishes the best self-help legal books. Sorry to sound so harsh, but your life and health are at stake.
Loads of love and very tender hugs. I have been there - it is so shocking and so hurtful - you do not deserve this. You are a very giving and powerful person, and have helped so many people right on this site. Best of luck to you, and please hang on...
xox

Hi ya Roz! try living with a vietnam vet. LOL
Just a bit of humor there, hun! Anyway, I want to say how very sorry I am that your hubby was not understanding and just left.. his loss beautiful one, not yours. I too had my up's and down's with Bill. We take care of each othewr(Me more than him) LOL Sweetie, I want to give ya a huge (((Hug, Roz)) Oh, and Ang, Your hubby is really doing wrong by getting into your pain pills. My oldest son tried that on me! I said what's wrong with you? he said.. oh, I have an awful headache! I said excederin with caffeine in it makes your headache go away, if not, try rapid release tylenols. shame on him for taking yours when you need them Ang. ((Hugs to you too Angie)) Love, Desi