Had a fight tonight about Sex....or rather the lack of....
I tried being understanding and tried to explain how crps and everything else associated with it had been effecting me.....didn't help. He asked if I had ""cleared and shaved the Rainforest down there""
........ya there's a turn on....
And this is after a great round of sex last weekend....
Fun.
Anyone have any tips or helpful advice in this very sensitive male ego issue?

Tips or advice - don't bother trying to tiptoe round his male ego because you are wasting your time.

I've been a reader and poster on these boards since before you joined and I've read all the various posts over the years where you have described your partner's behaviour towards you. His treatment of you has been deeply insensitive and he has repeatedly demonstrated that he's not interested in understanding your CRPS. Its obvious he doesn't really care about your needs, your feelings or the restrictions your disability imposes on you. There are people who would describe his behaviour towards you as emotional or psychological abuse.

I know that there will be good times too and obviously you have your reasons for staying and putting up with the cruel ways he has spoken too you and treated you based on things you've mentioned in older posts. I wouldn't be prepared to stay and put up with someone who cared so little about me. Given that I have to live with severe pain and all the other nightmare things CRPS has done to my peripheral nervous system plus the severe movement disorders I also have as a result of the mess its made of my central nervous system, I'd expect to be treated with understanding and kindness when I was struggling to do the kind of stuff 'normal' women do. In fact, I''d expect to be treated with understanding and kindness regardless of my health problems and disability. You have every right to expect and demand the same.

The fact that he can make a comment like that after you've explained how your CRPS is affecting you demonstrates complete selfishness and its clear he is only interested in himself and his sexual gratification. If he cared about you, he just wouldn't make a comment like that. However, he won't change. He isn't going to become more interested in your needs nor will he become less selfish. This is how it will be which is why I don't see any point in you tip-toeing round his male ego.

Perhaps you could inflict CRPS equivalent pain on his 'sensitive male ego' by tip-toeing right on top of it and then ask him why he doesn't make more effort with his genital appearance and hygiene!!

Neurochic,
Thank you. Thank you for remembering and caring so much!
I had a more in depthconversation with him about it. And no, it doesn't seem like he trys to understand or accept my limitations with Crps, to a point.....
I just don't think he honestly believes that simple stupid things can end up hurting lije it does. He's one of those rub dirt in it and walk it off and only see a doctor as a last resort type person...... I don't think he can grasp the severity it can have....it had gotten better last year after he talked to my specialist, moved to LA 😢 I miss a doc I can 100% trust, but when the second Lidocane Infusion didn't have the results we hoped for it slowly started sliding back.....
I'm still waiting for my court case to progress and am, God Willing, hoping to get myself and my daughter out......
I know I've made a LOT of excuses or explanations to myself for the way he can get, primarily because my exhusband was very very verbally, emotionally, and mentally abusive and I think it became easier to dismiss because I could say he ""wasn't as bad as"" blah blah...... I just have to remember that I do deserve better.....
I also worry, not that it's high on my list, that between my Crps, the consecutive large weight gain, disability, and everything else I deal with because of my ""compromised immune system"" due to Crps....But, I worry that no one would ever want me with all that goes with me.......limitations, treatments, injuries, illnesses, medications, appointments, and all the other mind numbing frustrations...
Hard realities!!!
But I do want to sincerely thank you for caring, remembering, and supporting me with all my silly drama!!
Thanks Neurochic!!

You made me crack up with the genital appearance line!!! Lol
So, thanks! I needed that laugh!

You don't need to thank me (although its very nice that you did) and never ever feel its a "silly drama". Its your life we are talking about - you only get one of those - and its all critically important to you and your daughter. I've been around on here for a very long time and I think we shared quite a few threads of chat so I remember fairly well the previous, horrible things this boyfriend said and did.

I can see that it must be very easy to minimise his behaviour by comparing him to your very abusive ex-husband. I guess you just need to keep trying to step back and do your best to look at things with objective eyes. I always think a useful exercise is to imagine that instead of you, its a friend in your position who is asking for your advice. How would you advise that female friend if they were coming to you and describing you the kind of things that your boyfriend is saying? Sometimes its easier to see things a little more objectively if you imagine that you are sitting on the outside of a relationship where two people are having the conversations and experiences that you are. If you are making excuses, make sure you acknowledge to yourself that you are doing so - that way you minimise the risk that you start believing that his behaviour is OK. You need multiple strategies to protect yourself and your daughter emotionally and psychologically until a time when you are able to get out. Make 'excuse acknowledgement' one of those strategies!

Never, ever settle for an abusive or uncaring relationship where you are being treated badly just because you believe nobody else will want you. This is classic victim thinking and you need to remember its not real. You absolutely do deserve better, nobody deserves to be undermined, to have their serious health problems belittled, to be treated like a mere object and to have their confidence taken from them. I know there are reasons for you not being able to leave easily - I sincerely hope that you have 'options' soon. Even if you are on your own for the rest of your days, its better than staying in a relationship with someone who sees nothing wrong with treating you badly. It doesn't feel like it when you are at a low ebb but you eventually get over the breakup and you always come out stronger when you dump an abusive bully.

I know its easy to say but you mustn't allow yourself to think that because of your health problems, complications and frustrations, nobody else will want you. Its natural to feel this way but again, its a distortion of the truth which is made worse by the uncaring and cruel treatment you've been suffering for years now. You have many good qualities which other men will find desirable. I have no doubt that in spite of your medical problems there will be many men out there who would treat you with kindness, generosity and love and who would be sensitive to the complex demands that CRPS places on you. Don't allow yourself to fall into the trap of thinking that you should stay because nobody else will want you.

You are a tough woman - you can stand up and do it on your own if you need to. Don't let anyone minimise or take away your inner power and strength. Keep reminding yourself how amazing and desirable you are. Meantime I think you need to sharply remind him how severely your CRPS affects you but don't waste any time or emotion on trying to get him to understand any details or getting him to accept what you are telling him. Just make it a simple reinforcement of the facts.

Hang in there and I sincerely hope you have the means to leave as soon as possible. Meantime, keep trying to build a support network around you, here as well as in real life. Stay strong.

Maybe you could tell him you want him to get his genitals waxed - that you also expect him to 'clear and shave the rainforest' too since its the least he can do!!!!

I have not been on the boards as long as Neurochic, so I cannot base my comment on all the combined concerns. I can however, say that I have been in very similar relationships. While not based on my own disability but my son's, my 1st husband was as aloof, uncaring, inconsiderate and as "Richard-esque" as your significant other seems to be. Upon discovering the 14th affair he was in the midst of, I kicked him to the curb. A month later discovered I was 3-1/2 months pregnant. He accused me of trying to trap him. This after informing me that I no longer looked good in a bikini. Duh. This pregnancy was my 4th.

At 27 with 4 kids, one of them severely disabled, and not very appealing (per my soon-to-be ex) I stood relatively no chance of finding another love. I jumped at my first opportunity. He ended up breaking my nose, busting my lip, fracturing a few ribs and stealing my oxycontin I was taking for severe endometriosis. I tolerated it. I chalked it up to my missteps. I wrote it off as an addiction issue I could not solve - he needed to. Then, in a fit of his addicted rage, he shattered about 50 jars of baby food that was my disabled son's means of nutrition. Screw with me & I can take it, screw with my kids & you're done. He left for his parent's house out of state the next day. Once he arrived there, I informed him he was not allowed back home.

I continued with my victim mentality until my son passed. Somehow the enormous grief broke through that and my perceptions of the world and my place in it changed. Hopefully no one else will need to be impacted by such an event to be a catalyst of change.

I had to start small. Find ONE thing you feel good about each day. If you can't combine it with the good from the day before, that's okay...it's still finding a positive. I started with my hair looking good. Then it was my eye makeup. You get the idea.

I respectfully agree with everything Neurochic has stated and I want you to know, without question, that you are not in this alone and you are worth more than what you are being given. Have faith that the right time will present itself and you will be strong enough to take advantage of it.