And in that I am feeling Blessed.

Forgive me my frailties, my lashing out, my trespasses,
and Lord make me an instrument of thy peace.
Oh yes, I do have difficulties as a child of God
and forgiveness is that which also helps me feel blessed.

A good physical therapy session today,
another blessing,

REAL good BBQ pork ribs this evening
Cleo prepared
yum
the real deal and not the virtual stuff
I cajole out of y'all from time to time,
Love and Prayers,
Mark56

Dear God
dear friends

thank you for another day

well
nothing comes smoothly
and oh my God only you
know the truth
it does baffle me
my appointment is
made Gerry Dec. 12th
with 5 other important
doctors appointments
DEAR LORD YOU KNOW MY
FEAR ABOUT HAVING ANYMORE
OPERATIONS
i on top of walking like a cripple
as i am crippled
the breast that didn't have the cancer
has begun to migrate towards my stomach
funny the permanent ones are doing
opposite to what the temporary ones
as you well know dear Lord
i am tired of being sick and tired
this is not my imagination
and it hurts as it is moving
it is what it is but i thought i was done
and just to remind me as i am still
grateful i just received my medicare card
it is official
AND THE DOCTOR SAYS
"eva, are you surprised?"
but of course if you know me
it is still YES
and although it is just another
bump in the road
no pun intended
i could do without
now what is the lesson in
this???????????????????????
my hurt is enough
but on that positive note
i am in the works of going
Gerry
i hope that makes you happy
as you know now what kind
of uncomfortably i will be thinking
it's not the procedure
my eyes have been behaving
unusual for some time now
it started in the right eye
peripheral view as if lighting struck
both eyes are now behaving equally
not simultaneously
taking my meds no changes
must get regulated
my belly is bloated
the apartment is coming along
the tree will go up tomorrow
it will be very emotional
for me as all ornaments are
original
when i left my home
i started with one ornament
and each year would get another
and another
and when they were in school
the ones that mean most too me
i can't wait
hope to take pictures
and have Corissa do that
thumbnail thingy
i am sorry Mark i was just reminded
you trying to get
Sir Samson on
i haven't learned how to do that yet
Corissa is one that did it for me
i'll have her explain it
hope and pray all is well with you
and home front
so happy to hear success stories
with the spinal cord simulator
life is what it is right?
we are responsible
i make sure i do my part
wish others would at least
the same
so many blessings
Eva my children bond in a way
that will be helpful
Christine offered to help me
stay on top of her
not smother her
but know
she will not get away
with negative behavior
without consequences
good and bad
free will
she is at the age
scary time for parents
watching
always talking
hoping so of it sticks
and she uses it
anybody understand me?
all i can do is pray pray talk
pray pray hope something stuck
and she will think twice
even better not put herself in
a uncomfortable position
and she does not have to
become pressured to dress
in a provocative manner to
get attention she has no clue
after morphing into this
sexy beautiful young woman
EMPOWERED WITH POSITIVE
INFORMATION
i have nothing but the best
her understanding
love God first then self
and love his creation
of a lovely person
so much out there ready
to take that all away
those persons who are lost
will defend themselves with
evil doings
no one to care for them
as i care for her

i am your shepherd God
help me rear her
and guide her to you

in Jesus i trust
keep me strong
if not physically
then mentally

someone who cares

Dear God
dear friends

thank you for another day

winter starts today
and it looks like it outside
each day i have a project
or two
today the tree goes up
all window are done
veranda has sheer white
curtains i will give them
a special
maybe pearls
randomly
spread
something
my daughter purchased
babies breath flowers for
the tree
i will probably take a few break thru
sooooo glad my granddaughter is here
with me
and what a strong strong personality
to die for i loveeeee watching her in
wonder and merriment
only watching her i wish for
a do over just to make it last forever
i love children and the elders
how is Ray doing
Mark let him know i wish him
a happy holiday with a delicious
blueberry muffin
i will hope to surprise Corissa
with the tree up as she was at
her dads house for a sleepover
and she called last night to tell
me they went to NYC and seen the
ROCKEFELLER CENTER
SOMETHING I COULD NOT DO
so i'm glad she had the chance
will return to this special place later
as this place brings me much information
and lots of special persons i have come to
meet and have a friendship that
is helpful for my soul
to bring things into perspective
what we go through on a daily basis
a place of prayer
with so many others who too are
spiritual
how physically and mentally we
are connected as pain is the common
denominator
so with that said
i will try and get started
and be back later
to all a blessed happy pain free
and lost of belly laughs
as i did last night
my granddaughter loves my soft collars
and last night before she had it on so tight
she couldn't move her head from side to side
and thought it was a blast
she was so cute loving hearing me laugh
for she has also seen tears fall from my face
my meds are in my system
my pain level is a between a 5 and 7
depending on how i move my head
the rest of me are all the other pains burns
tingle crack pinch numbing wrenching pain
knees hips fingers hands right arm shoulder
neck the brain has a ache not to bad of a
headache
and i'm rambling on

have a great day


someone who cares

Not worshipping a hero mind you, but today we were able to attend a local worship service where Lee Strobel of Case for Christ and other investigative works led the worship meeting. It was humbling to see and hear him speak about his walk from a life out of tune with the spirit into a walk in the light.

It was amazing all of the additional traffic into the parking lot related to someone different speaking...... but the dynamic of hearing him speak of his having been humbled by discovering faith was worth the effort of waiting to get into the parking lot.

So, do I feel blessed at having had such a worship experience today?
Absolutely,
One in the spirit,
Mark56

Dear God
dear friends

thank you for another day

the 21st isn't here yet
and we already claimed
winter when we put the tree up
and it was a special time with me
and my daughter Christine as she sat
on the floor taking out all the ornaments
blessed to have the chance to give her a
special time she said last night before
her sister came home how much she
enjoyed the time with me over the
weekend
tears and all
Lord her our prayers
your warmth in my soul
as i know you understand
PAIN

there is a story on NJ NEWS
of botox helping helping newborn
babies calm the muscle in their
bodies who suffer from birth
defects like cerebral palsy stroke
patients and spinal cord injury
i wonder if it could be used in cases
like mine and others
just numb certain nerves
and the non evasiveness of it
like not having to go under and then
use a knife to cut me open
never again i swear
is something i would consider

it gets harder and harder
as the days go by
i look at my body
in a full length mirror
and see how frail i have become
to push myself beyond what my body
will allow has its repercussion
something all who suffer with
chronic pain for me the most painful
is when my head becomes to heavy to hold up

to have Christine here as my
caretaker is truly a blessing
thank you as i wish they could
live with us permanently
i'll just enjoy as it is as if they
were and besides she really helps
in every way

i miss my dog
but
now i have Eva to
enjoy and gives
innocent unconditional
LOVE
i really cannot ask for
anything better

today i will relax

the next three days are
doctors all important ones
much to do in the three days
as i cannot go out and walk
my back won't allow it
my right knee is still
swollen and dear LORD
WHY the PAIN cannot squat
when need to

so as i enjoy my day of
painful rest

i wish all a better feeling
than my body

THE IDEA OF BOTOX IS INTRIGUING
TO ME

i express my love of SPIRIT
ESPECIALLY when in a room filled of
IT!
and in holiday spirit
i wish all

love it blessed
THE HOLY SPIRIT

AMEN!

someone who cares

Eva..
Botox is used in treating Cervical Dystonia. This could possibly be helpful in your situation. I had injections several years ago for the Dystonia. Unfortunately, they did not help; but the waiting room was full with patients with the Dystonia (Spasmotic Torticollis). Botox was helpful for many of them.

Also, very happy to learn of your Dec. 12th appointment. This is something that can easily prevent a serious disease. Take it from one who knows....

Praying,

Gerry

i did beautiful lady
so happy to know you
you taught me things
that make absolute sense
and i thank you for that
you too are who has learned
the hard way and sends a message
and i listened
as i pray all the women i come in
contact and conversation with heed
to my warning my example
my experience strength and HOPE
you take good care of yourself

and will be looking fro you
much love sending your way

someone who cares

Dear God
dear friends

thank you for another day
you Spirit fill my being

it is a trying time for me
i have to go to the doctors
and cannot cancel not go it
is imperative to that i go
my appointment will be at the
reconstructive doctor he released
me a little over a month ago and
a problem arose where my left
implant has become to migrate
towards my stomach and it is
painful to the point i can feel it
push between skin and meat
sutures are probably the way to stop
it from further movement
here is the thing
i DO NO WANT TO GO UNDER
so therefore it must be general
i must get ready as my appointment
is at 11:00 A.M.

will come back for
my blessings for the day

much LOVE to the world

someone who cares

Dear Eva, you bless and you bless
I feel your reach throughout this space
Yes Ray is well for 93 although his strength ebbs
so I have not been able to share a blueberry muffin with him lately
he is barely strong enough to have me visit
and I can no longer understand his spoken word
for his strength to work the tongue has departed
So I hope to spend some time with him tomorrow.

I sure pray your comfy new bed is helping you rest
blessing your spirit and your illness worn body
time for some peace and rest, huh?
Taking time for yourself despite the continued challenges,
I feel grateful to know the blessing of your cointinual sharing here.

May your life on that twentieth floor
fill you with wondrous vistas of
skies filled with the eyes of God
ever watching and smiling over you
and your family
and from time to time Sir Ollie.....

Feeling blessed to be able to pray
for you,
Me

Dear God
dear friends
dear Mark

thank you for another day?

i am sooooo angry
hurt hurt hurt
hurt hurt hurt

my life lesson

so i go to my f.....g
appointment 2nd one
for the week
yesterday was the reconstructive
doctor Michael Baruke
he did my balloons
after my hiccup in the road
with f.....g cancer today i
go to the dermatologist
Easter Hershenbaum just
to check for melanoma
but my f.....g anger starts
yesterday at Michaels office
so i'm there because i know my
f.....g body i have eyes as my two girls
do a clearly see what i see in the mirror
not to mention my left chest hurt as
the implant is beginning to migrate
downward towards my stomach
you can feel it not only see it
so i sit in the huge waiting room
this is not a place where they only
do cosmetic surgery it is a rehabilitation
facility called Centra
as i wait to be seen
i am admiring a youngish
grandmother and a little baby girl
on her lap maybe 3 months old
as time is passing i have Christine
show a picture of my grandchild
Eva
i do pray help me understand
why can't one thing just go f.....g
smoothly
i couldn't take sitting as the tears started
from pain f.....g pain
while in standing position the grandmother
begins speaking Spanish to her daughter
and Christine understands spanish
she was telling Christine she had surgery
as she remembers her pain like mine
GOD is this your way of f.....g with my
head
turns out she spoke in broken English
quite well comes to the U.S.A. several
times a year and we are talking she tells
me 3 fusions via anterior
and 3 fusions in her lower back
READY?
she tells me she has the surgery where
i had mine HACKENSACK UNIVERSITY
I TELL HER THAT IS WHERE I HAD MINE
AND THE NEXT THING I SAY IS MY DOCTORS
LAST NAME PETERSON AND THEN CONFIRM
WITH A FIRST NAME I WAS SO HAPPY FOR
HER AS SHE MOVED AND HELD THAT BABY
with such EASE i couldn't help but cry inside
so then i finally my name called
sitting on the table
Michael Baruke comes in cordial as usual
goes to the computer
finally i explain why i am there
he asks me to flash
i pull my shirt DOWN as i have
trouble lifting my f.....g arms
and tells me they are just F.....G FINE
i tell him where it hurts he feels and says
those are the sutures
i ask can the implant break thru the
he tells me yes but likely not
because he made sure his was tight
NOW I ASK DEAR LORD
i know my f.....g body
my gynecological doctor
one of who i went to this week
agreed and was visible to his eyes
i ask
what the f..k
when will you give me a break
i don't believe i am being punished
but please i ask
LORD HEAR OUR PRAYERS
what am i not getting
my love of God is true
my love for Mother Mary
who birthed Jesus Christ
no one can argue that
he walked this earth as a
Human
and we too are Spiritual BEINGS
living life as humans
occupying this planet
designed through evolution
and in that a beginning
FAITH we are being watched over
LORD OH LORD
i am feeling like the footprints
are mine and i am walking alone
i have an open mind i would like
to believe others might argue that
mistake my relentlessness as a *****
whatever
i stand in truth
so only my God knows
i originally opted not to
have any implants at all
just would hope i wouldn't be
butchered
and honestly they looked
horrific
until permanents when more
skin was taken anyhow
i now am wondering what the
f.....g lesson is
i almost wish i went with my
gut and just leave them and
have tattoos
i know i what i am talking about
and because he said the door is open
Eva in time i'll be in again but only
to ask and have them removed
i asked him hypothetically if i
should have to come back and
it turns out there is a migrating
problem could he botox the area
and do the job
he said no
too much tugging
ooooooooooooooookay
now what f..k
i just want to take all
the ailments my family
has and give them a clean slate
take all physical aliments
and bring it with me
but then no lessons
i AM tired of the life in bed
yesterday
i made a trip to a store i swore
i wouldn't step foot in
now i EVAVATS COULD NOT
WALK ANYMORE AND A WOMAN TOOK
MARIA TOOK NOTICE
did everything to get me a buggy cart
another thing i swore i wouldn't be
sitting in but i did
MARIA and i hugged turns out
she is homeless her belongings
in storage and living here and there
wherever she can find a place
her mother lives in Florida
anyhow is this not divine intervention
or a just by chance
i mean really
what are the chances i meet a woman
who comes to the U.S.A 2 or 3 times
to visit at my boob doctor and share
the same surgeon
thankfully she is a success
but you get the picture
what are the chances
divine intervention in one form
or another
what the f..k are the chances
i am so doooooooooone
this is the pattern of this persons life
right God
you know what i'm talking about
as you know all

i need to get ready

wishing all a pain free day