The season of the approaching Christmas celebration. Merry Christmas to all.

Eva, I tried without success to post a photo or several today. Ineptitude on my part no doubt. Yep, Samson is indeed a Blessing to us, and he grows. Eating solid food and drinking from a sippy now.... next he will be wanting the car keys! Watch out for daughters and granddaughters y'all, he has blue eyes like his daddy.

Prayin for all who have need, and all of us do....
Mark56

dear God
dear friends

thank you for another day

what's going on
the pain in my body
i cannot find one thing
other than my hair
my hands are so painful
today dear GOD you know
where my head is at
i will not be leaving my bed again
other than to go to the bathroom
"calgon take me away"
i do not like to be in this state
my shrink asks me
"eva are you surprised"
and i say yes all the time
i do not expect anything
than the truth
dear God
what should i be thinking
should i not keep whom
ever honest if they should
be having a hard time with
the truth of the matters
it feels good standing in the truth
God i think of life ever after
to be in the Grace of your perfect
Kingdom
you give us Life
made with Spirit and Innocence
i sit back and watch EVA in
amazement
she LOVES me sooooooooo
much
looks to me for acceptance
we walk around
teaching her to be thank you
GOD thank you JESUS thank
you MOTHER MARY as we walk
through the house
this is what we are saying out loud
it is precious
her forming her words
her examining her toes in amazement
there is something special about EVA
she is extremely observant
she is going places
dear God
what happened to me
didn't my parents see the
same in me or my sisters
my body broken at 51 soon
to be 52
i miss lovemaking
i miss laughter
i miss a person i can trust
i love my family
they know that
my empty feeling
is all the sex available
i am not interested in
the ones who call
and are married
tell me what a
mistake hinting
how i might feel
being 2nd fiddle

God you know what plane i am at
it be your choice let me be able
to love someone special
and not be looked at as
a awesome bout just called sex

make the hurt go away
please make the hurt go away
i beg please take the hurt away

my baby girl Corissa is forming
into a beautiful young lady
the challenge is keeping
the self esteem necessary
in today's era in school
we are working on helping
her understand mind over matter
and the fact is youngsters are cruel
and it is not in her nature
so she feels out of sorts
she is not able to see her beauty
as i do and remember i have
been there before with my adult
children my goodness they went
through their 20's already
where did my live go in such a quick time
i guess i am feeling my mortality
only i feel my will be short
i don't want too think in such a way
but things are breaking falling apart
my pain is all over Thanksgiving day
the back of my right knee began to hurt
the next day i could not bend in squat
position has not gone away
nausea just set in as it too comes in waves
something is up with my bladder
it to has a change i even feel physically
i could pee my panties running to the bathroom
all new progressing where it is embarrassing
what is going on GOD
can you please ease it up for a bit
i need my hands
and they are working at 25%
my thumbs are out out commission
i have mentioned in the past
medicinal meds is something
i do use for nausea it too helps
with some of my pain will
have to go there for relief
doctors all are on the same page
i have told all of them including
the most important one just before
i go in for surgery yes that doctor
anyhow i keep all of me is real
blessed i am
even feeling how i do
as there are others in much more
than than i am feeling
thank you GOD
AMEN!

to my friends
i hope you holiday spirit
was alive
we all shared thanks
and gratitude before we
dove into the food
oh i so over did it eating
my baby boy Sir Oliver was
unable to keep his mouth
quiet enough with Eva at
first afraid then
he just couldn't help himself
we had him out on the veranda
he couldn't keep quiet
even my 20th floor tenant
EILEEN says out loud
who's dog
now i can have a visit
and take it further if want
but that isn't the point
my dog was stressed
Saraeve ad new daddy Louie
drove him home but he had his
Thanksgiving meal i missed him so much
my son was also in rough shape
back on meds only lithium 1200 ml a 2 x's
a day needed to nap he was so out of it
so hurtful to watch
especially because he got his old job back
they liked and missed his work
president welcomed him back
they know about his meds
not to mistake him on anything else
and it is scary to watch him
his body has not yet acclimated
my family was great
i was a beautiful sight watching them enjoy
each others company
i am blessed to share with you
my experience strength and hope
HOPE to accept the things i have no control of
understand God at work at every moment
the gravity stronger than others
i give my heart to you
as i accept it is for my own good
one way or another
"give us this day
our daily bread"
as many need your word
in JESUS i trust
spread the word
BLESSED BE YOUR DAY

someone who cares an awful lot

hope all a blessed day

dear God

help me thru this night
i feel awful
from the top of my head
to the bottom of my feet
if i could turn my body
inside out maybe i would
understand and it could be seen
to those who have no clue
and expect more from me
for i look fine on the outside
even with my thinning hair
i am loosing so much hair
from tamoxifen
the nausea i a b...h
wondering if weather change
is causing any of it
i am feeling weaker than usual
this has me concerned
Lord i have so much to do
it isn't going anywhere
would love that energy
that it takes to get it done
i have just enough in me
to get up and go to the
bathroom
i am so frustrated
having to depend on myself
to get things done
not so much anymore
i reach to you for comfort
calm me down
help accept the days like this
and hope this too shall pass
i am so slow these days
and something just doesn't
feel right i know my body
my knees woke me up
my forearms hands neck
i fear the idea of vomiting
the pain i endure of such a
motion is to difficult to explain
when i can't explain my pain
know it is beyond a scale of
one to ten
pressure beyond explanation
and keeping it controlled is not
easy to contain

blessed be all

have a great day

pain free

thank you dear Lord
listening to my ramble

Mother Mary thank you
for your strength

someone who cares

Those awful nights, where you can't sleep, when you are in pain, when your body rebels, those are the times that Jesus is closest to you. I am so sorry you had a rough one, and I will pray today is easier on you.
I was wondering of your doc. gave you anything for nausea? There are quite a few available, that would help.
Be at peace today. I always pray for you. ginnie

dear God
dear friends

dear God thank you for another day

the emotions are running high
i an not in a good place
i need to learn and slow down
i am not capable of doing like i
once could
yet i put myself last again
having my daughter and grand-
daughter and always Corissa here
close
i am feeling many things
i'll blame wackkkkked out
hormones
something doesn't feel right
can't put my finger on it
important as i no me well
ginnie my angel always to
my rescue
how are you my angel
so happy you are med
free and any pain is bearable
i have this new out of nowhere
pain an now swelling
out of nowhere
easy does it eva
easy does it
it just isn't worth the
aggravation and upset
i want to be a part of life
i need to get out even to sit
on the veranda
i am not feeling right
it is bothering me
no truthfully i
worry it could be the cancer
i won't be okay until i get over
this terrible thought is the monkey on
my back and i need to get her
off
she is relentless not
to mention occupying my brain
and heard from two people in
my life
and that is don't worry about it
till it is a issue
this is what i need to process
and get a grip on
today is another bed day
head to heavy for my body
my lower back out of service
cannot move any in bed hurts to
much i have my pencil and computer
and love to come and share my
experience strength and hope
the support is always here

CORISSA my precious angel
has been having some issues
of importance not able to express
her trials being pulled so many
directions for sure
boys can be such jerks
and hurting a human being is not
something i want for her having
only herself to depend on
i have to help her build in
certain areas i feel so bad for
my baby girl
we will work on it

thank you DEAR DEAR DEAR GOD

someone who cares

We know of angels
and life giving joy
for in our dear children
we learn of God's story
the blessed life of Christ come
to bring the Heaven way
that we might have eternal God's love
as we with Him dwell always.
So many times I've thought back
to sacrifice He made
in bringing His dear Son at last
that we may be thus saved
redeemed and brought restored
to life in Christ with God
though the Father's heart was here torn
when human tortured Son who brought Love.
Thus as the Father shed tears
and MAN tore flesh from God
so we with child can feel fear
that precious child be hurt in world gone wrong
but Corissa, the BLESSED ONE is watched o'er
by greater one than these
who would lift a hand to harm her
while God will shelter with His wings.
I pray and Eva prays too
Corissa be sheltered by the blessings of Christ Love
and through you, dear young lady, may you imbue
those who harm for fun, with Christ heart from Heaven above.

Life is so very hard Eva, and as parents we grieve when our little ones, no matter how "big" they become in stature, are subjected to the straining toils of life. The unflattering taunts of those who should know better. The deceiver efforts through them to foil precious hearts.

All we can do as parents is live the life of example, provide the blessing of Christ love in our homes and through our ministrations to those precious to us, then pray for them. I will pray. Too much grief has been known to have Corissa go forth without the extra special blessings daily from our Lord. Thus, we all join at Gerry's, and this is no trivial friviolity I encourage, but that we actually visualize that special place of worship within Gerry's home where she and her husband gather holding hands to pray. May we all in spirit gather there to pray as well to seek intercession of the most High for Corissa, for your son, for the whole of your family....... for YOU dear Eva.

I feel especially blessed to be able to pray for you and have in my mind's presence the picture of Gerry's prayer space.
May the peace of the Lord Jesus Christ overflow you,
The comfort of the Father give you a feeling You are in His care,
The soothing presence of the Spirit enfold You in His presence every day, and
The ever present aura of the Blessed Virgin Mother bring to You the knowledge You are doing all you can do that is good, that is right, and that is proper before God for the sake of your daughter.

Agape poured all over you dear Eva,
In Christ through whom all blessings flow,
Mark56
You are loved, dear lady, and the whole of your house,

AMEN!
AMEN!
at Gerry's?
i'll be there
as we all trust in
Jesus Christ
Amen!
my prayers received
as in God i trust
thank you so much my dear friend
and you nailed it watching them hurt
is brutal

thanks for caring

someone who cares

Dear God
dear friends

thank you for another day

the hurt
the hurt
i feel so sick
this too shall pass
today across the Hudson River
is a cloudy snowy expected day
i am so angry
i have to get out of
this house and get back
my life
i have no personal contact
with the world on a physical
plane
i yearn contact with the world
out there everyday
my job still there for me
a job always
i would love to try on a part-
time basis but this body is
not able to doooooo sooooooo
my dear Lord as you know
me like no other
grant me day that are bearable
i'll be okay with bearable
put me in the zone i need
to be
hear my prayer Lord
watch over my children
who suffer in their own way
Saraeve epileptic at 23
beautiful Saraeve life cut at
the knees
she has blossomed blessedness
a recognized poet in a wonderful
place now took 8 years for her to
do something with her passion of
words she is the Slammaster of
Jersey City NJ
jerseycityslam@gmail.com
www.facebook.com/saraeve
she and her team have made happen
a Poetry Workshop for Women
all conducted by my God's Saraeve
privileged me with her
then my boy Michael
suffering now with mental dis-ease
not a pleasant thing to watch when
having an episode
lithium is still finding it's acclimation
to his body he says he feels better
he sounds better than he was on
Thanksgiving Day
a brilliant man intelligent beyond
my expectation without effort
his intrest is world history
back to work at his old job
he found some relief
his stepbrother was seeking
out my son
Shawn my ex's child 18 or 19
is also gay and Shawn was receptive
to keeping in contact with him my son
was open to a relationship
my angel Christine making strives
one after another
a recovering addict
with a cutie pie Eva grand baby
Corissa surgery on right kidney
two times partial as in 1/2 removed
and was also born with a double tube
on right side both 0 capacity on left
only working at 40%
she was 3 and a half months old
she has been through much
especially with watching her siblings
leaving one by one as they were ready
in their gestimation
so we are down to me
i need to keep my crap together
they all still pick up the phone
and talk to me
i know they were hand picked by you
and i thank you for the blessed gifts
my children and grand baby are here
for the long haul
help me help them understand
family is a gift
and not all like what they get
you cannot send it back
give it a try
you might just be surprised

well much still to do today my bed
it goes up today
looking forward to it
it will be interesting

to my special family
here wishing you all the Holiday Spirit

and give us this day our daily bread

AMEN!

in it all we are blessed
and don't even see it

keep the FAITH
HOPE LOVE ALIVE

BE KIND TO SOMEONE

SOMEONE WHO CARES

Dear God
and friends

thank you for yet another day

bed is up it is beautiful
it feels beautiful
until the body starts up
feeling it in resting state most
i will relax today
the head is in a pretty bad place
just waiting for my hormones
to take a positive shift
that would be nice
come to find out some disturbing
information
about my ex and the truth
about an inexcusable
behavior
i am smarter
and all in God plan
blessed to always have
you dear God
always listening
i enjoy my talks
and surprises you
throw my way
my pain is pretty poopy
i do work through it but
oh boy oh boy
how i used to be compared to
now people will tell you you
eva are not the same
you have my back
forever till i come home
thank you for all you have
provided us with the
gratitude i want nothing more
than to please you as i grow
blessed we are
blessed we are
AMEN!

MAY ALL HAVE A BLESSED DAY

someone who cares

Happy you now have your beautiful bed. This will bring a tender smile to you face. God knows you have endured so much. Your children...oh how they need you. You are the one they call when they need to hear your loving voice. You have been given purpose in spite of all this pain. Because of this pain' you are available to them when most needed.

Enjoyed the lessons we passed on to each other when we talked last week. Will send a PM.

Caring and Sharing,most of all Praying...

Gerry