Just when I think I come to grip with my pain and understand my injury, something totally out the blue slaps me in the head and turns my thinking around. I start asking myself again can I do what I use to. And the answer is NO and I've been told this by dr's. Then my depression deepens and the sadness overwhelms me. 24 yrs old and I can't even run without my left leg going out or tripping with my foot drop. All b/c of my back injury. Again Nov 9 can't come quick enough for my SCS. I'm ready to give it a try to control my pain. Still I'm scared and nervous but I'm ready for this next step. Specially with this begin workers comp this has been a slow process. Since 2009. Again I'm so happy I've found this site to vent and ppl actually understand. Thanks for listening. lol

Ashley

Time does heal wounds, maybe not ALL of them, but often enough so we may move on. I own two wheel chairs [not always used, because I want to ambulate/walk] four canes, one of which I keep mounted to my new mountain bike.

My work comp case was pending and not fully resolved until more than seven years....... just as an fyi. We finally did make that transition to life beyond argument, then I began to push harder and harder and harder. God made me with a hard head for sure. So, anyway, my family now owns a home once again. I am fully employed and about to come OFF of social security disability. Am I still disabled? Yep, I reckon so. I have to use SCS to control pain, my trusty cushion on which to sit, and my can by which to ambulate since my lower legs are very much like living prosthetics. Alive, but no feeling.

The only dance step I can still sort of do with my wife is the Foxtrot, well, and a slow dance. I had to give up on the waltz, one of our favorites and the jitterbug, swing, and some others, because the lower legs will not cooperate.

We are still able to ride bikes, but not as radically as I used to on mountains. Alpine skiing, I have thought I might try the recumbent ski program at Winterpark this coming season, as my days of parallel schussing are gone by by.

But guess what..... my mind works pretty well. I have leaped and I mean leaped into pro bono practice and have helped many many people saving homes from foreclosure, with employment problems and the like. My paying practice I have expanded, adding New York to Colorado as licenses. Now I am working on adding Texas. We are limited in some ways but NOT all, and through the help of SCS, we are able to leap into life and take it by the tail. I am having fun. You can do this as well. God gives us the means to be of help one to another, and it was just that manner of living which brought me from the pit where death will claim the willing depressed individual.

I encourage you to do your best once you have the implant to see whether it will aid in reclaiming your life, THEN embark on providing not only for yourself, but also for others. I did this while unemployed by starting a focus group in our community for people who needed work. Everyone who was in the group has graduated!! Life is love and love is life! It is so cool to see the smiles on teh faces of the graduates who were in our focus group!!

Prayin for you Ashley,
Yup,
Mark56

Thank you for the encouraging words.

Ashley,

I'm considerably older than you, but I know how you feel. I was a big athlete and I used to get so mad!!! It's really hard, but you have to get past the anger. I didn't, and I wound up in counseling. It almost destroyed me. It boiled over into everything I did. I guess I'm a cautionary tale. I was so consumed by anger I couldn't enjoy life. I did get my eyes opened, and feel much better now. I accepted it. I got my scs and was able to walk without a cane and be a little more active. I hope someday I can be athletic again, but I have learned I can't be the athlete I was. I have to the new TK. Lol I'm probably rambling. I totally understand though. I hope I didn't offend you, but I feel your pain!! I want to kick lazy people lol. That sounds bad, but when you have the ability to move taken from you, it upsets you when people who can don't. Or it does me lol. Anyway, I hope I helped.

Don't give in to defeat! I know that's so easy to say, and I continue to battle it myself. Still seeing a psychiatrist and being treated for depression and anxiety as a means of maintenance. It does well to talk about the depression and how this is affecting your life. Surely you're not alone in this. You're at the right place, that's for sure
We're all here to listen to one another, share our feelings, and keep each other uplifted. How beautifully Mark writes of his trials and triumphs. No matter what he writes, I've noticed, he always ends by expounding on the triumphs. He carries so much inspiration and spreads it around....thank you dear Mark .

I hope and pray that Nov 9th will become the beginning of a much better quality of life for you, to help restore some of the hope that you've lost.
Believe me, I know how sad it is to have to accept the things we can't do like we used to. It continues to hurt. Yet, we must find it in us to put those thoughts on the back burner and look towards the things we CAN do.
There will be opportunities around many corners, Ashley, especially being so young. Keep your high hopes and never let go of faith, as these two go hand in hand. You deserve the best in life.
There have been quite a few young people pass through this forum who have been able to go back to school, get married, and face life with many possibilities. You, no doubt will be among them!

We're always here for ya, and I'm sure you'll be a great inspiration to US as well! It's so good to have you!

Rae

Thank you for the inspiration. I am to going to a psychiatrist. She keeps saying "what are your hobbies?" And really I don't have any hobbies. I worked since I was 16. And love to be outside fishing, crabbing, etc. but it's hard to do that now. Now I just stay home sleep, watch tv, play on computer, try to take up reading. I'm just not that type of person. I def. feel like I'm in a deep dark hole of life and can't get out! I have my good days of begin positive and bad days of begin negative. I am hopeful nov 9 will be an awesome day and I will get some pain relief. I have full faith in my dr. thats doing the procudeure. If anyone has some suggestions on hobbies plz let me know! No sewing that kind of stuff. Not me.

Thanks Everyone
Ashley