Bless you all xx

Well my daughter doesn't want to speak to me again. I told her she was being selfish not going to the doctor, to which she informed me here whole body has arthritis and she has to crawl.i said if you were that I'll you'd find a way to get to the doctors.

She has told my elder daughter she doesn't want me to speak to me again.

I love being a parent. We actually never intended to have children.. I wish I hadn't.

Not getting out of bed today as too depressed. Husband banging around downstairs, but alli want to do is sleep so keep topping up my diazepam each time I wake so I can drift off again.

I'm a useless mother who never should have had children.

Everyone would be better off if I were dead .. Even me. But I've not even got the guts to do that.

oh my..
 

and my friend

you are not alone in
thoughts of not wanting
to be around
as you i too
LOVE being a MOM
the hardest job EVER
been there able healthy
worked hard all my life
waitress over 10 years
full time nights as they
needed me in the day
oh and i could go on and on
i wanted to be a mommy
and do not regret it as now
my granddaughter needs me
can't go anywhere
oh the times i ask God let
me just not wake up
and take it back
i still have much to do
as you do you just
don't see it yet
your not done
with much LOVE
wishing
this to shall pass
just wish it quicker

someone who cares

Dear Saffy
 

It is so hard to see the light when you are in the deepest well. I have lived that, and I bring hope and love for you that you realize we see such beauty in you and your devotion to being a Mum and Spouse under VERY challenging circumstances. I pray and pray for you and yours that all will be well in every way.

M:hug: :grouphug: :smileypray: :Heart:

The thing is .. I know you shouldn't have favourites but Hollie has had loads from me. Moneywise .. I bought her a new laptop at Christmas and told her not to tell anyone. I spend £50 a month on shopping for her.

Then she sends me e mails saying she has arthiritis from her toes to her fingers and I am yelling at her to get to the Doctor because what she has can cause renal failure and MY doctor when I mentioned it to her said she should be having weekly urine, blood pressure and blood tests for kidney function. Yet I'm told to stop interfering and she told her sister she doesn't want to speak to me.

I'm a Mum .. worrying is my job. If I could only see her. This is the time I really miss not having a car and I am beginning to think of getting another just for these times.

I feel totally helpless, useless ... I couldn't give my husband attention this morning as all I could think of was Hollie.

I'm sorry .. I don't want to worry you all .. Of course I'm not selfish enough to take my own life, I am just crying out for help.

I have someone coming on Tuesday from the Mental Health Team to talk to me at home. My Doctor says I have a LOT of anger issues and am putting myself in danger .. ie. I walked with crutches to the bus stop as you know .. which would normally have taken 4 - 5 mins. I did this because I feel useless.

I gave up my car so that we could maybe have TWO holidays in the sun every year .. but trying to te Mike to take holiday from work is impossible .. so I might just aswell look for another car.

Love you all .. god bless ..

GOD BLESS
in return
i take any crying out
seriously my father
committed suicide
everything is taken to another
level until they bare physical
and understanding is cool i need
you to understand where i am coming from

someone who cares

Saffy,
I take diazapam daily. Have to be careful not to overdo. It makes one quite drowsy and uable to do much but lay down. Also, withdraway is a possibility as well.
Hubby needs you too.

You are a mother that needs to be needed. Your daughter is hurting so she is hurting back.
God love both of you,


Gerry

Dear Saffy
 

The very best thing written in your post along with your wilingness to cry out is to obtain help professionally. I know how very important such help is to the foundation of your being as you attempt to sort out the "stuff" of life.... so very very important.

Take heart in our belief you are a blessed lady, mum, spouse, friend to each of us and that we are alongside of you through this season of life. You have our love.

Absolutely, and along with a good portion of prayer:hug: :grouphug:

When I shine---you shine!!!
 

Saffy....This quote just rings in my head...it humbled me when I was at my deepest. May it lift your soul and light your spirit.
Johanna


Our Deepest Fear
by Marianne Williamson from A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Beautifully Applied
 

Thank you for bringing this to us Johanna!:hug: