4.5 months since my paddle placed. Train train train. One carbon fiber upright road bike, bilateral lower leg crps with generalization, and stim at high power.

I intended on a 35 mile ride with 4000 ft of climbing. I got lost (unmarked road and bad directions) and did 50+ miles. > 1 mile climbing. 5 hours riding. A true monster ride.

I have no idea how i will feel tomorrow (probably awful), but today i am amazed. I dominated. It was a beautiful day. Beautiful.

How wonderful MD!!!

such exhilaration.....to be in a powerful body....doing what brings joy!!
I so get it.

I do hope you feel ok today
HB

Yup, MD, Yup,

you dominated..... may all be well

Wow, what an accomplishment MD...congrats!!

Hope you recover well!

Awesome awesome awesome

you kick

Feel ok. Thanks for well wishes. Now doing anesthesia for a scs implant! Of course with my rep. Getting less strange.

A friend of mine who i ride with is a nationally ranked triathlete. He is an absolute monster athlete and a kind soul. He can ride 25 miles in one hour on a time trial course. That is insane. He says people ask me why I do this? Why i train through pain? (I smile at this bc he has zilch idea that my spinal cord is about as safe as Syria). But his answer is familiar. Because I can. It's why i go to work. Why i get in the exercise bike and sustain a hr of 170 for 30 min while my calves start frying. Why i do everything my body lets me. But it has costs - this relentless fight. My personality hardened, but really when you live a life this intense it's your choice. Where you're running up Omaha beach and your taking fire every day. I'm reading a book about Polio and FDR now. He hid his disability from public very well "the grand deception". Been there doing that!!!

I need a new icon- think Navy Seal going in for the kill. Ultra intense. Neither happy not sad. Just focused. One day at a time. Don't quit - you can't. Thank goodness for rap - I'm as white as paper but that sense of oppression and dealing with it communicated in that genre - it keeps me in the fight.

Had a spill on the bike a few weeks ago - just a huge right *** contusion. Scared me. Took it easy for a week. Ramping back up, but being stymied by cold. Ascended a 2500 ft mt yesterday and despite layering was freezing- hands froze up. Then snowflakes start to fall! Last night i got a cold. Today beaten down. Felt Sick. So glad i live somewhere mild. Don't know if in going out tomorrow or not- see how i feel.

Signed up for a computer program called Strata - for compulsive endurance athletes. I can hold 250-260 watts for 40 minutes and cruise in low 200s for longer periods. It's no ironman champion, but it's solid. I friended a surgeon i work with - we're pretty similar. Gone on a couple rides with him - he is a good person.

My biggest problem is me. Crps can be slowed / etc. Many of my signs have gone away with the serious conditioning, but the pain stays. The psychological changes and defenses you build hard to undo. My insomnia and fatigue are major problems.

One of my coworkers calls me lazy. Part of me wants to kill him - if he only knew! But the few senior people i have told - they say tell no one else. My friends at work who know - they don't know what to do. If I had a friend going through this I would have no idea. It's better that they not know.

My wife and I aren't great with each other any more. Because I'm up and down always struggling and we have three small kids. We both pour tons of energy into them. If i were her I'd be having a hard time too!! She's not a bad person / it's just a tough situation. As much my fault as hers. This disease is just a monster.

I hope you guys are doing ok - we cut down our tree today. Kinda more cool than a lot - first time!

Hi MD! So glad you posted an update. First, I have to say... (and please take this the right way!).....using my Mother Hen voice
"Why are you pushing yourself this hard!!"
You need to take it easy on yourself.

I sure do understand where you're coming from regarding the CRPS monster. It takes a terrible toll on us, and yes, it affects our loved ones as well.
I'm sorry you are having hard time on homefront, especially with holidays approaching - that puts enough added stress on top of things as it is. Then, with all the responsibilities of the children....all of this on top of battling CRPS.

But at least one good thing is that we have this place to come to so we can vent.
For what it's worth, I care and I hope things look up soon.

Rae

Dear friend if I may

You cannot no matter how hard I try
when compulsive obsessive behavior
something that has been part of my
life as I was born and grew it grew with
me 52 also 3 alternating days light weights
No more than 20lb. legs 200lbs
4miles sometime 5miles walk everyday
all go I'm going to ask my pain specialist
let's try therapy again as my knees are
Up to know good I am unable to go
into squats another everyday with my
routine holding my weights and 100 sit
ups a day I a volleyball lover especially
barefoot in the sand gone I in my f***++*<
Now that to was a personal triumph
something I controlled
that's out the window
now in a position I never thought
I never factored in my life equation
That my life has been
changed forever
my psychotherapist
gets a kick when I cannot
have anything l any kitchen sink
among a few things organization
A BIGGY
Point
Wanting to deck
that butttt
for that lazy remark
I recognized at a young
of my OCD
keep up the great challenge
with absolute respect if
your out come was successful
don't do anything irresponsible

Happy holidays and a safe one
to you and your loved ones