In worship today.....
Focus drawn to thankfulness......
So much has occurred.....
Many scalpel marks on this body.....
And, yes, it has been for the good......
I
Am
Thankful
Blessed
Beyond
Measure

Sure
There is still
Pain

AND

There is life beyond pain
I
Am
Blessed
M56

Father
Brother
Mother Mary
Thank you for what I am about to receive today

He lives in me
I need to feel him
Just a tad to continually
press on
Father the blessings are recognized
and am grateful for everything good
in my life
Was able to avoid my NARCASISTIC
family
Who am I to judge
I get it
Let me remind her of your Love
Your unconditional Love

Life is something I am trying
to embrace
With fear of my own
This terrible depression I am
not fighting but embracing
making You my healer for I trust
I am taken on a road to be closer
to my Father and known bliss awaits
for me and I understand it be in YOUR TIME
not mine

Father
Dad
Angels
Take care of my babies
including my pet
Bless my friends here
on neuro talk
that are now my new friends
Love
Me
Thank you Father
Thank you Brother Jesus
Thank you Mother Mary
Thanks to family here
Love
Me

Father
Brother
Mother Mary

thank you for what i am about to receive in my day

i ask Father
in the name of Jesus
and the Holy Spirit
i rebuke any evil that
has been working on me
Father the human flesh
as Christ
who suffered pain unimaginable pain
of all kinds
the devil's temptation did not escape
Christ Jesus as forty nights and days
Father am i Questioning my Faith in you
by asking to feel your Love
not the Love that is precious between family
but the Touch of your hand
the feel of that flannel shirt
and that awesome smell of the abundance
of the wonderful feel of another who cares
tho know i was witness in my dream
at his body was crucified
as silly as it may sound
i was there
to have had some unexplained
happenings in life that only
Faith in knowing we walk with Him always
inflicted with this suffering
i accept it is as it is
to forgive this i must not have done
truly
for if i did i wouldn't Feel half the emotional pain
to focus on my Blessings
such as
my growing network of support
Mark, Gerry, Rrae, Allfe, Dave, David, Lara,
DejaVu this just to name a few of a pool of caring loving
souls Bizi, PamalaJune and on and on Debi Pooh and her farm
just so mush gratitude
someone not to long ago wrote
just to see a hello is sometimes all one needs to start
their day on a good note
my mental state would have taken the best of me
had i not gotten some of the most important responses
of this new family that understands
for most have and or are
walking in my shoes

i have a demon that is trying so hard to take control of my life
and have special friends who help me fight this

Father strike him down
when trying to penetrate my mind and soul

i am a smart rational woman
and believe i, all are in the making of the Father
so whatever will be
will be

help me in my depression
i want to end my sadness
i want not to hurt anymore
i want the smile to return back in my heart
with each step i take
let the pain be lessened as my meds are what controls me
never once abusing them
a absolute necessity in my life as it is today
my heart hasn't been behaving as it should
time to find another cardiologist
I am comfortable with

Father
bring that special someone
into my life
Blessings are noticed dear Father
allow me to LOVE and be LOVED
this i ask in Jesus name
Amen
Love
Me

Praying, special lady, that you are introduced to that special one who will bring unbounded joy to your life.

God be with you in this, my friend.
M56

Father
Brother
Mother Mary

Thank you about what I am to receive today

May I remember all blessings bestowed upon us
Father
I ask in the name Jesus
Please remove my sadness
Let me enjoy my blessings
I am so tired of the tears
Every single morning
I cannot remember a morning I haven't

The fall is here
My body already fighting the flux in weather
My mind to follow
Today I spend time with my shrink
What to talk about today
Pope Francsis is in NYC
The moon in a special eclipse not seen
since I was 22 years old thirty two years ago
My dreams as a little girl not anything I imagined
There is no solid home I can leave behind for my
extended family
It would be stipulated
Never to be sold
So none of my family ever be homeless
A terrible thaught
But very real

This knot in my gut is strangling me
As a very wise woman put it
It is a unwelcome feeling
It is a feeling that takes over my
entire body from head to toe
Father You know this to be true
A KNOT
in its grip I am lost
It is so strong I try so hard to
fight it and consciously push it out of my
mind body and soul
It grips on on leaves residual toxic thoughts
No I do not hear voices
I am so aware of my physical and spiritual
being

The blessings
The blessings
The glorious blessings
Not always conscious of them
As soberiety is priority
and all else to follow on my part
as a human being with now a very troubling
change that has caused much hardship
Hardship that is one ingreadent of many
that has made me who I am today
A work in progress
Father
Why the sadness
Why this deep cold unwelcomed
sadness
Where do I fit in this world of greed hate
disrespect towards ower elders
How can I not let this pain get the better of
Me
When will you touch my heart my soul my every being
Come into my weary life
And breath air of happiness into my lungs

Father
You know what happened to me
If my daughter wasn't there to tell me
what I was feeling and visually experienced
was so frightening
The veins in my hands from the tips
of my fingers up my arms into my chest
looked as if they were black
Corissa was witness to this
Homework mentions trouble with circulation
something prevelant on my mothers side
I feel like I am slowly dying
Rotting away from the inside out
That one day I will drop and die
This is not a good feeling I harbor
It is unwelcomed
Therefore the devil is working overtime to
find me in a desperate way
Don't let this happen
Protect me
Angels come and lift me higher
Allow your love to continue to flow
through me
Help me with my children
Help me let go of anger
that is a cancer in itself
Keep me strong in trying times
that seems to be the theme for most
my life
Help me once again raise my grandchild
with the foundation of your promises
and undying love for us
Bless the friends I have come to know here
I want to give up
And I know there is no option
With much love
Me

Father
Brother
Mother Mary

Thank you for the things I am to receive today

Praying for this evil to rid my body
Those who understand know
What I feel
I pray for you also
For to have this in my being
Is not a blessing
But something that makes
me conscious of the good
that lives for me
For us
To have a heart that welcomes
Your touch be my save
Help me hold on to the good that comes
Let me not whine my life away
Angry I am
Father
This body your child cries
Shameful I am
As so many others are
in a much worse condition
I have become so afraid
Where is my Faith
The work of our Pope
Across the world
Embarrassed at how the Hungarian
people are behaving towards the refugees
My parents fled the county to Freedom
The Pope and his messages softly spoken
To pray the Our Father with him
A snippet of joy
The sadness the robs it from me
The blessings
The blessings
Hold on to them Eva
Holding I am
Place my hand over my heart
feel the beat that says I'm alive
Far from alive am I
In your arms I want to be
The Pope and his message from the
United Nation was beautiful
To hear his soft spoken words of loving
one another
My family
My entire family a total number of ten
Ten of us in this country
Ten
Where am I going
I have no job
I have no love
I have children who have their own life
And have chosen not to be in my life as I
so wish they were
To wrap my arms around one of them
A wish I would so look forward to
I have tried and tried
If I did not take Corissa out of school
Not once
But a second time
A desire to return
Now on a different level
Not the standard way as a young student
But as young adult
I believe I did the right thing
Since I have taken her out
She has been attending a program
Called NewPathway
I have been an active parent
I believe Corissa will do extremely well
when she returns back to school
I am tired about so many things in my life
at such a young age
as for myself that is
Fifty four is young
I do not know what it feels like to be
a older senior as many are suffering with
ailments that come with age and genes
This be my case
Genes gave me a screwed up back
I gave myself emphysema
Don't know if I gave myself Cancer
As it too is in my gene
My maternal grandmother a victim
I want to spend the little time I have left in life
with some self enjoyment
A hobby that I could do to take me out of myself
To be me
Is to want to die
Not a welcomed feeling
None the less it is part of my life
Not a welcomed
With all my might it is
my hope a dream to one day
have this horrible feel taken
so I may enjoy life
One day at a time
Without a tear in a day
One day
Let me count my blessings
May anyone suffering as I am
I pray it disappear in the night
Like a wolf
Love
Me

Father
Brother
Mother Mary

Thank you for what I am to receive today

It has been such a long time
My blessings alway recognized
Never appreciated
As this horrible pain I suffer
Hands and feet beyond
out if control
Dropping anything I touch

This month at my pain specialest
Was told
The pain is so great in the morning
I do not want to be alive
I explained to the best of my ability
He introduced in my morning regimen
One 5mg oxycodone
with what I already take
It has made a world of a difference
What a conundrum should I be in
To have had addiction in my life
And I am on Meds that are wanted on the streets
God help them
It kills to be in doctors care and not
be able to not have to take Meds that kill my pain
It is just a mask
And without it now I would die
How can this be Father
How can I keep going
Pushing forward
So I just don't lay like a dog and just die
Even a dog at its time looks for their companion
This I know I have a dog
Whom I miss dearly
In the care of my daughter
When can I have someone to love
and love me back
In Jesus name I ask
My children have lives and loves of their own
I gave up the idea of the trial and error in establishing a relationship
yet I really am ready for a special someone
Let me not have love in my life and to die
never having that
Today the edge is off
I don't know what tomorrow will bring
This much I know
My desire to want your blessing
and to feel your Spirit
Is my first desire
Dear Father
Blessings I wish this community knows how much
support I am given to not give up
I will honor you Father
In Jesus name
In You I trust
Love
Me

Father
Brother
Mother Mary

Thank you for what I am to receive today
The extra five mg increase in my morning intake
was the ticket
Now I have to knock it off
I this cookie painted a wall as I can only
push so much
Put up my mirrors in the dining room
Hung a couple of pictures
Last night after retiring and taking a shower
I got up and began painting the baseboards
It is what I love to do
I have a knack for design
Any and everyone who has entered my home
ALWAYS would I get a compliment on my design
There is a friend in the building I am helping her with the
desired look she wants
I hit the nail on its head
She loves it
A big mistake on my part
I would be lying if I said
I didn't know of the conquences
The other TRUELY AMASING THING IS
I can now push all my other intakes of Meds
at a later time
On a average it is push up three hours
Isn't this awesome
Now on the other hand
Corissa started the PILL to regulate her period
Not without fail
As she is ovulating and breaking out with a pimple
So am I
I CAN feel my body and its changes
AMAZING BUT TRUE
Father allow me to be the best I can
without hurting myself
We have found for now some relief
The fibromyalgia is still peering through
My inplants are causing the pain under my armpits
My I insurance does not want to pay for my sonogram
of my hollowed out chest
Can you imagine
This now is how I HAVE to have it done
Now I ask you
Father I cannot pay a penny towards my medical bills
What can I do
I have no blanking job or private insurance anymore
The government
Let me not cry it is sad this country deny my mammogram
as I am a cancer patient
Waiting to be deemed in remission
Father having my old friend over
was something else I needed
To be in the company of a man who enjoys
our time together
He meet my granddaughter
and immediately crouched down and did
what came natural
I was impressed
Someone I can see myself with
And even though he is divorced
and is free
He is in love with a woman
who just re-entered his life
So
Until he is single and wants to get together
he is good with that because his love is married
Until then we are two people who understand each other
Father it justs baffles me
We know each other since grammer school
Where is MY LOVE
My blessings bestowed upon us
I say thank you Father
Allow me to love
And be loved in return
By someone like Jimmy
Who gets me and I get him
We have such awesome conversations
It was interesting to watch Corissa be courious

To not want to die from is something only one who experiences
it


I have the time and desire to be with someone who will be
patient with me
Can I ask for that Father
Please in Jesus name
I ask this of you
Allow someone special in my life
Let me look into the eyes of anybody in the future
you put before me in the rest of my life left
Let me feel that spark
The butterflies in my tummy
everything I have heard of between two
who love each other
In Jesus name
This for me
And to take care of my babies
My dog
And my friends
Amen
Thank you God
Thank you Jesus
Thank you Mother Mary
As my granddaughter would say
AMEN
Thank You for my blessing
Love
Me

Father
Brother
Mother Mary

thank you for what i am about to receive today

let me remind myself
never to forget your words and work
and what we have been given in
Your name
to keep it as simple as the 10 commandments
and for anyone
is it not the truth of the simple request
that is asked of us
and so many of us fall short
over and over and over again
dear God is a forgiving Father
my image
in a warm worn flannel shirt
that we all want to rest our head on
the aroma of love beyond any we have ever known
Dad are you in our Father's house

is your soul in peace

do you live in Spirit

are you listening

we have such little time together
almost never do we gather anymore
heartbreaking
not in my control
so want this family to heal

overall it is a desire to be one as family
am i asking for much
love
me

Father
Brother
Mother Mary

Thank you for all your blessings

You are in control of my life
I trust in Jesus
Let me speak of the good
So much to tell
God I know you keep me around
For your purpose
And I will do my best to
Honor
You
Blessings to all
Love
Me