Thanks lor. Meet me in the chatroom, ok?

LOL! I can just see you watching Pirates of the Caribbean.

Life happens as it will.

We can exercise, travel, make plans, have an agenda...etc and so forth BUT we don't have total control over the way things play out.

Having said that we do have some control which is up to us to exercise it.

As to life not always playing out as you want; I don't think that's all that unusual.

My mom said, after my dad passed on, "where did all those years go to? It seems like just yesterday that we began our lives together".

Time is what we have on our hands today and tomorrow. It is not easily understood as we look back. So we look ahead, taking the lessons we remember from the past along with us.

Doesn't all the life you lead in the past seem small when you try to measure it.

Live each day for the day it is. The 'rest of your life' is what happens from this moment on. Look for interesting things that you enjoy and if it's not housekeeping than do the minimum and get to the stuff you like.

Tootsie

No, not really. I was thinking about this today Toots. When parts of you life are OVER and done with and it didn't turn out so well and all you are left with are th things people have said to and about you and you were SO wrapped up in THAT, never realizing the Big Picture and what all that was happening was just AWFUL. Now this just wasn't once or twice but a series of events that occurred STEMMING from ONE Bad event. It's really true that one BAD choice, but in my case it was more like I had Trust in people I shouldn't have, can RUIN your life.

My daughter and I have no contact now and it really does bother me. She was just another link in the chain, the initial link started WAY before I was even born with my mother and her mother and probably her mother before that. It seems that the Mothers and Daughters in my family always HAVE had Serious issues. The ***** landed on me and I really had No control of any of it. My daughter was also part of it. She resents me because she saw what it was doing to me but she didn't understand. She only saw what affected her. She didn't realize she was watching my destruction and only cared about how it affected her. I was DROWNING and I need help but got none. If ONE person in my family had just given me a little help things would have turned out differently but instead it was just the opposite. They contributed to my destruction.

It's been almost 20 years since it all ended and I am still trying to get over it all. It's been ONLY in the past year that I have been able to fall alseep WITHOUT locking my bedroom door.

When I read these words I realize how devoid of "Self" I am and always have been. I was constantly demeaned by a controlling, domineering and inconsiderate and unloving Mother who made sure anything that could make me happy was quickly stripped away from me. By the time my daughter was born, I had even lost my ability to dream. I had no agenda. I learned that anything I could or would want would Never happen and I was berated for even wanting. I don't want anything, even now.

Well, talking about all that helped. I know I haven't been in this thread in a while but I seem to be doing a little better. I needed to calm down. I find I get so wound up with myself that I turn into a nervous wreck and wear myself out. Then I can't sleep and little things loom Very Large in my mind. I have been trying to sleep more. I mean take more naps, TRY to doze off earlier at night and stay in bed later in the morning and hopefully get a bit more sleep and it seems to be helping.

Plus during the day I don't make ridiculously long lists of things I MUST get done that day. I stick to one or two of the things I really should do and that is working out much better. I don't know why I am so hard on myself. It's just ME here. I don't have to Prove anything to anyone. Things get done. Even if it's a few days or a week later it still gets done.

Plus the fact I've been dabbling in a little more "Chocolate" lately. That seems to help.

((((wiix))))

there you have it. the perfect answer. just eat chocolate. works for me.

((((((((Curious)))))))))!!!!!!