Blue you have some very wise views on people. I agree completely about some people being "plastic" and unfeeling, and their leaving doesn't really hurt me very much. I don't want to hang out with people like them anyway. The only thing that truly hurts is one friend I had up until just a few months ago. She was sweet and caring, responsible and mature. She even actually needed me on an emotional level. What really bothers me is that she was corrupted by the world, she gave in to the mindless urges to party and have a good time. It was never a conscious choice to abandon me, she just gradually moved away from me and towards the shallow drunken life she could have without me. It just bothers me that someone so good and so pure can be so easily corrupted and not even notice or care.

That's why I'm alone. Because I don't want to give in to headonism like everyone else in the world. I don't want to live party and get drunk.......

I'm probobly too naive, I should throw away my ideals and party pointlessly with everyone else and live a shallow meaningless life.....

I realize that that's probably not the way the entire rest of the world is, but it's the only part of the world I can see...

Hey darling !

I never party/drink either.... (All those faces mean I dont know at this point if it is good or bad, as, I dont like to get drunk and I dont like drunk people, but at the same time I know most of the people like to party, so, that's probably one of the reasons I dont have friends...)

Now that you mentioned your friend... If you really appreciate her (I think you do), isnt a good motivation for you to try to have her friendship again ? I mean, you said she abandoned you due to alcohol and parties right ?? Perhaps you should/could try to take her out of alcohol, which isnt good for health plus you two could start to hang out together so you could feel less lonely ??

Kisses in the mean time !

XOXOXOXOX and hugs too

I tried to tell her how I felt about her drinking, I told her that it bothers me to think of her being out of control drunk (which has happened on more than one occation). That's when she realized she should get drunk somewhere that I'm not and I couldn't make her feel bad about it. It's not like shes got a drinking problem, it's just more then I would like. (My mom and grandfather were/are alcoholics, and it has severely damaged me mentaly) I really do care about her, but as long as she has friends who are happy to pour alcohol down her throat, they will always take priority over me, the boring loser who would rather be sober.

And once again you have reminded me of myself
I too have zero friends because I don't drink, but I'm glad there's at least one other young person out there who doesn't live to party.....I just wish that the idea would spread (not likely ).

Anyway....thank you for talking to me Blue.
I hope you are doing okay, I wish there were more people in the world as caring as you, and everyone on NT. I wish you all the happiness you could ever want (maybe then you could share some with me? )

Take care everyone

Hi again sweetie,

How are you doing today ??

Im so, so... my vision problems keep bothering me.... but oh well...

Hum, keep talking to your friend !!! maybe, dont say anything about alcohol, but, plan things together so you both can have fun.

You are very young, so, I assume she is very young too... so, sometimes, the "love" for alcohol and parties last only some years and then, she would get bored (like you and me) of alcohol... and you will be friends again

Come chat here anytime.

Have a good day !!!

XOXO

Hmmmm... lots of "heavy" reading above.

Sigh... and as a result my thoughts are racing all over the place.

L1... I, too, am ADD, and have OCD and manic depression (bipolar) and .... guess what else... I'm the adult child of an alcoholic ... AND ... I married an alcoholic who also had an alcoholic parent (who I thankfully left 10 yrs ago) ... it took me 22 freaking years to break the freaking pattern ... (and what that 22 years has done to form my 3 sons is another saga in human drama)...

The main difference between me and you, L1 and my BlueMajo friend is this: your youth.

• Our society has changed dramatically since the creation of the internet - and I know you are going to grow by leaps and bounds... simply by being here!... and more important than that... being open to learning more about yourself ... and why you're who you are.

I think you have both grown away from your friends because they sincerely aren't the type you want and need to be with ... you're recognizing this but also feeling the pain of not belonging...

You're at a crossroads .... and you're just not too sure what path to chose next.

Trust me... keep doing whatever little thing makes you happy ... and you WILL find you belong ...

xoxo Addy

I wanted a clapping like crazy smilie but we dont have one... or I couldnt find it...

Addy, you put in words what I wanted to say to L1... (And what I want to do with myself too)...

L1, try to think why are you depressed... what do you need in life... what do you want.... what would you like to have, do... Tell me.

Hugs and kisses in the mean time.

Your friend.

What do I want? I want....this is going to sound really stupid and pathetic....someone to love me. I've spent my entire life as an outcast, watching other people in happy, fulfilling realationships, wondering why no one ever wanted to be with me. I'm 21, and the closest thing I've ever had to a fulfilling relationship was one month, a couple of years ago, when my one and only friend was sad because her asshole boyfriend dumped her, and she actually wanted to talk to me, and needed me emotionaly. But then as soon as she stopped being sad, she stopped needing me, and I saw less and less of her, until now, when I'm lucky if I get to see her, or even talk to her on the phone, once every two or three months. That was my most fulfilling relationship....the only relationship I've ever had....as a shoulder to cry on for a friend.

All I want is for someone to want to spend time with me, and I'm too big of a loser to even get that. I have no interests or hobbies, I don't enjoy doing anything; who could ever stand to be around me? I'm far too screwed up mentally and emotionally to ever function in the world, and even if I could convince myself to get therapy, (which isn't likely), I would never be able to afford it; I can just barely afford my current bleak, empty existance.

My life has taught me over and over not to get my hopes up for any reason, because it will just hurt so much more when I enevitably fail. I just don't believe I'll ever be happy, and it's hard for me to take any possitive steps, no matter how small.....

I can't help but think that maybe I'm supposed to be unhappy.

I'm sorry, L1. Of course you can't come here, but--if you could--I'd love you and take care of you like my own child. Forgive me?

Oh Reyn, I want to....I really want to.....but I can't.
My parents live here, sometimes I think the only thing that keeps them going is seeing their sons, (my brother and I), every once and a while. My brother is going to move next summer and then I'll be all they have left. As I've said before, my mom is an alcoholic, she went to rehab last year, but she started drinking again, not as much but still too much as far as I'm concerned. If I leave, she'll relapse completely, which will make my dad leave her, which will make her drink herself to death, and it will be my fault, and I couldn't live with it....

Thank you so much Reyn for offering to take me in.
You can't imagine how badly I want to just drop everything, leave, and never come back, I wish I could.

Can I ask you where you live, and what kind of work i'd be doing?