from our dear Pter...


"Our minds are quite manipulative particularly when cultivated by fear. Do not fear your suicidal thoughts. Do not be ashamed of them. Do not let them be a negative aspect of your being. Accept them..and post them here or talk openly about them to friends and family...

A suicidal thought is NOT initiated by the mind as a way to harm the person.
It is initiated by the mind as a misguided attempt to protect the person. By understanding its intent you will be able to redirect it with self esteem and self love in place...fear will not be able to stimulate the negative cascading psysiological affects that make so many of us tire to the point of accepting suicide as the solution."

As to the thoughts, I will be the first to say they are exhausting and, as I have said previously, they tire us to a point where we honestly believe suicide is the only solution. It is not. BEFRIEND and TALK. These thoughts are a part of you, for better or worse. I believe strongly in a physiological connection with suicidal thoughts. Our fear of the thought stimulates a negative physiological reaction which appears to give the negative thoughts enhanced power over us. Step back for a moment and place yourself in an imaginary situation. You see a child running into a busy roadway...you run quickly to save this child from oncoming cars...feel the reaction rising in your body. The adrenaline pounding throughout your body and brain. Now the rescue is over, your alone, feel the exhaustion of your body and mind.

You are rescuing yourself daily, hourly, every few minutes. Each thought envokes a physiological reaction with the end result being exhaustion. Befriend this thought. Treat it as you would the child who ran into the pathway of cars. Hold it, talk to it, teach it that there is another way to walk the roads of life. Post it here and allow others to comfort it. Do not be ashamed of it. What is it really but a thought that wants attention. Understand now, I did not say a PERSON who wants attention but a THOUGHT that wants attention from that person. It is the fight against the thought that tires us and makes us vulnerable to enactment of the thought.

I cannot give you a reason to live. I can, however, take away your reason for dying. An untrained unaccepted thought is not justification for death.

Only his words are still left for us to learn from but if he were still here...you'd be hearing this from him.

Thank you Lynn,,,I've read this before, but it has more meaning to me right now than I've managed to get from it before. I am working with it and trying really hard, and it is exhausting. Just a week ago I put a knife to my wrist, but, ultimately knew it just wasn't sharp enough to do it right, and the one I love lying asleep in the next room. I put it away and went online for help. I'm so sorry for having sunk so far, and, yes, ashamed!!! I can hardly see through the tears to write this and am afraid to even post it. The one I love with all my heart is fighting too, and it is just so hard!!! I love you, all I ask for is prayers for both of us.

You remain in my prayers dear lady.

I do understand how hard life can be and I remember that dear Pter was not at all convinced that ending his life would have freed him from all the pain he was in....he felt certain that he would have had to continue on "living" it even in death.

I'll try not to say anything trite...like count your blessings or take one day, hour, at a time. Many of us here, count on you to continue being an example of courage in the face of tremendous challenge.

And for what it's worth....we love you. Hang tough...some more, still.

(((( Mistiis))))

I am glad you can see through your tears.

I ache to take your pain away ...

(((( Alffeeee ))))

Ptr's brilliant talent for writing was an absolute godsend to all of us here here. Many times I've thought his words should be in a book.

How I regret not saving all his emails Addy...his wisdom always astounded me...and when he scolded one of us.........oh how sorry we were for disappointing him. He always laughed when I told him to write a book and he said "we were his book". Well, he does live on in our hearts.