[waves]

i wonder if what i'm wondering fits...

i wonder ... for i don't really know you, or your story, yet...

i wonder why your post yanked the memory of a particular article in my mind...

i wonder if i can leave you with a quote and a link...

i wonder if it will be enlightening or helpful in some way...

A Soul With No Footprints

It happened and there was nothing there. The relationship was one-sided and we were relating to a 'soul with no footprints', a shade, a ghost, a wisp, that leaves no trail because he never was. Our love was unrequited. The relationship did not exist. That, I believe, is the unvarnished truth.

Why is it easier to blame ourselves? Why do we need to engage in further self-abuse? What we can control, I believe, is in the work- of reremembering by thinking back, reframing, facing, changing, with our newfound knowledge.....that is control- but we cannot get back what we never had- we cannot get it back by blaming ourselves, even in part.......for as long as we blame ourselves, we hang onto a relationship, one that never WAS......as long as we blame ourselves, we cannot let go....we may have issues (and who doesn't) that we may wish to work on and that may have been sparked by the encounter, but we did not CAUSE the encounter- other than the human foibles we all carry, our strengths and weaknesses.......we were not remotely at fault- but to see and acknowledge these things it would mean that we would have to GIVE UP the idea that there was a relationship and that we had ANY control!

excerpt from:
Narcissism Support Resources: A Soul With No Footprints

i wonder if i just add, that it sounds as though you made a big step towards self-healing in standing up for yourself.

i wonder if you know that guilt is a common experience in the types of relationships described by the article.

i wonder if i can just remind you it is not your fault if someone doesn't love you the way you deserve.

((( hugs )))

~ waves ~

[barbo]

Please remember Reyn that you are first. YOU are the most important thing in this relationship. You are more important than his anger. His anger is HIS problem. You have bent over backwards to help this person. Kind of let him slide into the background in your mind. Think of yourself and all the happiness that lies ahead for you when you are past this. I have been in an abusive relationship and I know that it will pass. In the meantime, care for YOURSELF. You are a wonderful person and you do not need him to validate this. Giant hugs to you from me.

[reyn]

L1, waves, barbo,
Have to admit that I'm crying and trying to respond. I appreciate so much that you continue to listen to my sorry story and still care about me. I can't help but feel that somehow I failed because--if I had worked harder, been kinder, prayed more--this relationship might not have failed so miserably.

We had a "confrontation" last night, and--of course--it wasn't pleasant. I don't know what to say to him anymore. His hatred and rage are discoloring every aspect of my life. I made the decision to not tell him that Owen had to have the feeding tube put in (this was while J. was in the hospital) so that I could drive to Oxford to be with Owen. I don't know what I'm doing anymore, just that I need help and don't know where to go to get it. Yeah, VERY small town . . ..

I wonder if you would continue to pray for God to work in my life, to change ME, to give me the love and desire to care for J. and some direction in Owen's life. I'm so incredibly blessed to be able to talk with Owen by 'phone when a staff member is available. There is no better sound from my child than "I love you" which only a few people can understand, but I know what the sounds mean, and it blesses my heart each and every time that I hear those sounds and the "kissing" sound that he can now make

I wonder if you know how much I need and appreciate you? From my *heart,
love,
reyn

[barbo]

You are brave and courageous Reyn. Just deal with it a day at a time. You can't fix it all at once. Owen does love you and is proud of you (as I am). You are in my heart.

[reyn]

Thanks, barbo, for your post. I think that you know that Owen is a "special needs" child, so I am very grateful that you understand that and know how important it is to me for him to know that I love him! To even imagine that he could be proud of me leaves me speechless Thank you for caring enough to let me be a part of your compassionate heart. Hugs and love, from my *heart,
reyn

[Spanish Moss]

I wonder if I can leave enough hugs to help ease some of the pain you carry...to make it bearable one more day

[mistiis]

I wonder at how Reyn's relationship reminds me of the one I just left...

I wonder if I can thank Waves for her response...it fits so well, so familiar with all those feelings and how painful and confusing it can be...

I wonder how surprised I was to see Mango Shades name mentioned, and the tree house, and parties ~sigh. I wonder why the fear to give hugs????

I wonder if Alffe is having a very plesant, well deserved cruise...

I wonder, too, about all those same problems with our health care...you are not alone BMW...

I wonder how Dmack is faring...

I wonder about Reyn, sorry I missed your call...

I wonder why I can't get on Blues FB page...

I wonder that I am getting a bit bored with the FB games, but, they do help keep my mind away from the beast...

I wonder how BJ is and if she has a new e-mail address...

I wonder if Jaded will be able to keep the baby safe...((prayers))

I wonder if I will get to chat with Barbo, must have just missed you yesterday...

I wonder about the cold and rain coming back...sure enjoyed the couple of days of warm sunny rays...

I wonder about Scrabble...

I wonder about so many friends here, hard to type all the names here on my phone...

I wonder if Addy got moved...

I wonder if I can ask for prayers for my friend who is having a spinal tap next week, and that my settlement papers will finally get signed after having yet another problem pop up...

I wonder how hard it is to watch my sons family being torn apart ~sigh. My grand daughter tried to run away...

I wonder how sorry I am that I have been away so much...I just have so much going on, and so much more yet to try to settle and get through...

I wonder that the only true place of peace is that which we can find with our creator within our own hearts...

BIG HUGS to our room....

[barbo]

Originally Posted by Spanish Moss

I wonder if I can leave enough hugs to help ease some of the pain you carry...to make it bearable one more day

Thank you Moss.

[Abbie]

I wonder if my wonderer still works??

I wonder that I'm going to give it a try...

I wonder if it's possible to thank everyone here enough... you've all helped me to hold on and to not jump... I'm not anywhere near back to ok...but I've still got a grip.

I wonder at this crazy world... spinning too fast...

I wonder at the tornado's and floods in California...

I wonder at the quakes in the Caribbean...

I wonder about the people in Haiti...

I wonder why it is affecting me so??? I don't personally know anyone there and have never been there...

I wonder sometimes where I find the words.... they often roll off my fingers and never cross my mind...

Ok... going to wander away... my brain decided to start thinking and now I can't think of my next wonder...


Abbie

[Koala77]

I wonder if anyone would like to hear some good news from me? 2 bits of news actually.... and both of them very good news?

I wonder if you know how exciting both bits are?

Most of you now are aware that I have a grandson named William who's daddy is our youngest son. Well......... William's mommy and daddy are expecting a new baby in a few months time. I don't know if Will is going to have a brother or a sister, but and it's all too wonderful, and I'll keep you all up to date as I get more news myself!

And..... I wonder if anyone remembered that our eldest son was getting married yesterday! Well he was, and he did, and it was all so very beautiful!

I wonder if it's OK if I forget to wonder for the rest of this post as I'm too happy to remember to do it right!

Our son and his new wife are both school teachers, both in their early 30's and neither have been married before.

The wedding was just lovely. The venue was by the waterfront and being summer here in the Land of Oz, the weather was just perfect.

Here's one photo, and I'll make up an album of all the rest of the wedding photos when I can.

..