[BlueMajo]

How I wish I didn't have to wake up again tomorrow...

I don't know if thank God or complaint to him the fact that I don't have a gun with me... I think I would use it tonight

I'm sad as usually but tonight is one of those nights when the frustration is untolerable.... I hate my life as you can't imagine... Its full of frustrations, unfinnished dreams... I'm so tired of it...

You know how I feel now, I just wish I could fly, fly away, escape... I hate the people around me, hate my relatives... I'm not afraid of asking for help, but they NEVER help me... Well, never is much, but only when they want, not when I need it...

I'm so tired... Everything around me is about school... I don't know how to do anything else...

All my dreams are truncated all the time and I just see how others live my dreams while I can't...

I'm lonely, without money, without health... And I have to wake up ? Why ? I can't ! I simply can't and I don't want to.

[thelonely1]

Oh Blue, I wish I could make you feel better.

I'm having a sad time right now too, so I don't really have any advise to give, (how do I make someone else feel better when I can't make myself feel good?). Well... at least I can be here to you and tell you you're not alone.

I'm glad that you don't have a gun, I would be very sad if you weren't around anymore.

There's nothing quite like feeling alone even when there are lot of people around. I feel like that a lot, even though I'm around a group of people my age they always make me feel left out.

Your title reminded me of this song, I think it's appropriate: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jP0Ne9aW7UI.
It's something I wish someone would say to me one day, but until the the song will have to do.

I hope tomorrow when you wake up you feel at least a little better, I will be thinking of and praying for you.

[BlueMajo]

Aw TL1 !!!! hun !!! The song was beautiful !!! Never heard it before and now I can't stop !!! Thanks !! What the song says, is what you did to me tonight !!

Thanks for the hugs and for being here !!

I wish you too can feel better tomorrow... Ill pray for you as well... I can really feel the power of prayers.

Love ya

[Brokenfriend]

I know the pain,and understand deeply what you are saying. Hang in there. Things get better again,after these mood swings let up. Scientists are getting closer to helping us in a better way,and discovering better medications. The Lord knows what you are going through,because He felt these pains on the cross.

Gosh I wish that I could take the pain away from you. People who don't experience these inner pains can't immagine the storm of pain that we go through. I know it's difficult,and lonely at night. You are here for a reason. You are here for a eternal reason. BF

[Alffe]

Suicide, The Forever Decision by Paul Quinnett is an excellent book for those considering suicide and I highly recommend reading this before making any decisions about your life.

http://www.suicideteen.com/teen-suiicide-chapter-6.htm

I can understand feeling so depressed that you wish it would end. But you must believe me when I say that those people who love you, your families and friends would be forever changed by your decision.

The horror of finding a loved one with their brains scattered from using a gun is a picture that won't leave your mind.

[Alffe]

Let's be like the geese....

http://www.leadershipi2i.com/geese.cfm

can you hear me honking?

Hugs for the room.

[barbo]

Originally Posted by BlueMajo

How I wish I didn't have to wake up again tomorrow...

I don't know if thank God or complaint to him the fact that I don't have a gun with me... I think I would use it tonight

I'm sad as usually but tonight is one of those nights when the frustration is untolerable.... I hate my life as you can't imagine... Its full of frustrations, unfinnished dreams... I'm so tired of it...

You know how I feel now, I just wish I could fly, fly away, escape... I hate the people around me, hate my relatives... I'm not afraid of asking for help, but they NEVER help me... Well, never is much, but only when they want, not when I need it...

I'm so tired... Everything around me is about school... I don't know how to do anything else...

All my dreams are truncated all the time and I just see how others live my dreams while I can't...

I'm lonely, without money, without health... And I have to wake up ? Why ? I can't ! I simply can't and I don't want to.

Blue you are such a valuable friend - always supportive of anyone in trouble. Now you are in trouble and I don't know what to say. Can you gain any satisfaction from knowing how many people you've helped? Have you tried visiting a church? Those pople are usually welcoming and don't lay on too much pressure. If you don't like one go to a different one. I'm thinking of you and would do anything I could to lighten your load. Hugs and peace.

[Hockey]

Dearest Blue,

I know your anguish. Despite my reputation as the class clown, I have these impulses too. The accident shattered my body and my mind and left me with a life I am struggling not to hate. At my darkest, I think my family would be better off without me. Then I think about the things Allfe has said to folks like us on the forum.

Allfe’s right that suicide wouldn’t end our troubles as much as it would transfer them to others. My friends and family would be horrified and would grapple for years with a feeling that they had failed me. Children blame themselves for everything. I can’t imagine how that guilt, coupled with a sense of abandonment, would cripple my daughter’s life.

Suicide hurts others and, at its core, it’s ultimately selfish. Blue, I have read your posts, and if there is one thing I know about you, it’s that you have enormous empathy for others. Even from your own pain you can reach out and touch hearts. This is a rare gift. Watch the news: the world is full of selfish, egocentric losers. Those sorts of people never commit suicide; they simply aren’t sufficiently evolved to experience existential angst. The world simply can’t afford to lose someone like you – one of the special people who redeem humanity.

I’ve heard it said that all lives are a failure when examined from the inside. When I think of your accomplishments, I just can’t believe that you don’t see the value in your life. Do you have any idea what a small percentage of people in this world – especially women - reach your level of educational achievement? Your potential is limitless. Your research could change so many lives for good and throughout your career you will be an inspiration to girls entering the sciences. That my dear, is not insignificant.

You are beautiful inside and out and someday someone special is going to recognize that. If you left now, you would deny yourself so many unbelievably wonderful experiences. You would never know the sublime contentment of cuddling a nursing baby in the quiet of the night. Those babies would never be born to know the kind of loving mother that all children deserve and that builds great people. Your best days lie ahead.

Blue, life is not static. That things seem bad now, does not mean they will always be. Things come along that we can’t possibly predict – caring people, new medications, job opportunities – and change our lives for good. I know it’s hard, but we do all have one another to hang on to as we muddle, one way or another, to better days. That my dear friend, is far more than enough.

[BlueMajo]

Good morning dear sweet all.

Thank you for your prayers... I was able to sleep in peace last night, from 2 am to 10 am... Without even moving !
It's a shame I had to wake up and remember all my problems

(((Steve))), (((barbo))), (((Alffe))) and (((Hockey))), thank you for being so sweet to me, your messages really touched me deep in my heart and. I really appreciate them.
Thanks for understanding me and sharing this with me.

I went to the church yesterday actually... I wanted to feel the sun-light and then talk to God... Ok, I find this very odd, but the sun-light made me cry, cry and cry When I arrived to the church, I was feeling miserable and I could only express God how sad and lonely I was felling... I was expecting the sun would help me feel better, but it didn't happen... How weird is that ?

I have a main frustration right now, that is killing me...
Imagine you start to dream with a cake... You start to imagine and idealize how wonderful it would be if you could find a vainilla cake, covered with white chocolate and decorated with strawberries and kiwis... Something very special and even uncommon... You think about it's decoration too... You imagine even the most ridiculous detail...
One day after, you find out, that exactly that cake exists !! exactly as you imagined it... With all your details... It is perfect for you... Better ? Impossible... Is all you need... BUT, when you are going to grab it and feel happy, you find out you don't have money... And, in case you manage to get the money, you are diabetic and can't eat it...
How frustrating !!! I'm feeling that way... (I'm not talking about a man this time.. Well, half-half )
Like, why was that cake created according to my right dream if it's not going to be mine ???

Yes... I have been thinking that maybe I don't deserve it... Or, that it is not the right cake for me and that better ones are to come BUT, it is not a common cake, is the one I asked God I wanted... Why did he created it if at theend he won't let me reach it ???

I'm... Sad, frustrated, worried and even mad as crazy...

I know suicide is not the solution, but, I'm tired and with a nasty headache as I can't stop thinking about the cake !!!!!

Thanks for llistening.

Hugs for everybody !!

[barbo]

Beautiful things make me cry. That's probably what the sun did to you. Were you able to introduce yourself to anyone at church - or didn't you get that far? There's always next Sunday. Hugs.