[justired]

I can't seem to get out of this dark place. I feel overwhelmed by everything. I just want to give up. Can someone please give me some advice?

Thank you,
Debbie

[Wren]

Hi Deb ... ... I'm so very far from being an expert I have no business trying to write.
But I sure know how it feels to be alone and overwhelmed in a dark place.
One thing I do is just leave my house ... get in my car and drive to some place BUSY .... WalMart. I walk around, leaning against a cart until I'm tired.
Many people smile and talk to me.
And (at home) I bake and bake and bake. I make cookies being careful to do it correctly ... find a new recipe and try it.
The most important thing for me is church. I go to a very small, very happy church where I was truly welcomed. (That's where I take my cookies ) I feel important there - loved and looked after.

And I want you to know I care ... I understand what you said and how you feel. Talk to me some more.

[Addy]

hi justired...wren gave you some pretty good advice (can't you just picture all those happy cookie eaters looking forward to wren's good cooking and company every week?!) .... and sometimes a church is a great place to start... a place you will surely be welcomed. Not that its a good thing to get into a religious discussion here, but with a little research, it is a good place to start.

I also think volunteering or going to a library or walking to a dog park/beach ... lots of opportunities to talk to other people.

Often, when we're in that place you're at right now, it appears impossible to get out... making a commitment (like helping at the local foodbank or going to a watch a speaker at a woman's shelter) keeps you from backing out.

I also hope you have a good doctor and therapist...

[justired]

Thank you both. I do have a great therapist and two psychiatrists. One for meds and one for ECT. I'm just so tired of the medicine merry-go-round and ECT. I know they both help but I just don't want to do it anymore. Don't I sound like a toddler stamping my foot? That's how I feel. So tired of it all.

[Addy]

naw, you don't sound like a toddler... you're a human being who is crying out for help and understanding. I'm glad you have such great medical help.

After I wrote my above post I read some of your history here so I now understand you've been on quite a roller coaster.

Talking about things here has helped me more than I can possibly say - I've been hanging round this forum and the internet for about 15 years... some of us have known each other for that long... ! We are here to help and to get help.... it works for me!

I hope you have a good night and wake up refreshed tomorrow... we'll be here!

Addy

[Alffe]

Originally Posted by justired

I can't seem to get out of this dark place. I feel overwhelmed by everything. I just want to give up. Can someone please give me some advice?

Thank you,
Debbie

Oh Debbie, you are in that pit of depression, that bottomless black hole...many of us have been there and I promise you that it does have "sides"...please try to look up and see the hands reaching down to help you. Don't let that BEAST win this battle!!

Have you read Pters words that are stickied at the top? He was a wonderful man who fought depression for years before he died..he taught so many of us about the lure of death...the promise that our pain would end...and that we should not be fooled by this false promise.

I understand that you are exhausted from this fight...you are not alone.
Please read his words and keep talking to us.

Some of Pters words:

As to the thoughts, I will be the first to say they are exhausting and, as I have said previously, they tire us to a point where we honestly believe suicide is the only solution. It is not. BEFRIEND and TALK. These thoughts are a part of you, for better or worse. I believe strongly in a physiological connection with suicidal thoughts. Our fear of the thought stimulates a negative physiological reaction which appears to give the negative thoughts enhanced power over us. Step back for a moment and place yourself in an imaginary situation. You see a child running into a busy roadway...you run quickly to save this child from oncoming cars...feel the reaction rising in your body. The adrenaline pounding throughout your body and brain. Now the rescue is over, your alone, feel the exhaustion of your body and mind.

You are rescuing yourself daily, hourly, every few minutes. Each thought envokes a physiological reaction with the end result being exhaustion. Befriend this thought. Treat it as you would the child who ran into the pathway of cars. Hold it, talk to it, teach it that there is another way to walk the roads of life. Post it here and allow others to comfort it. Do not be ashamed of it. What is it really but a thought that wants attention. Understand now, I did not say a PERSON who wants attention but a THOUGHT that wants attention from that person. It is the fight against the thought that tires us and makes us vulnerable to enactment of the thought.

I cannot give you a reason to live. I can, however, take away your reason for dying. An untrained unaccepted thought is not justification for death.

[wishnomore]

Originally Posted by justired

Thank you both. I do have a great therapist and two psychiatrists. One for meds and one for ECT. I'm just so tired of the medicine merry-go-round and ECT. I know they both help but I just don't want to do it anymore. Don't I sound like a toddler stamping my foot? That's how I feel. So tired of it all.

Hey Debbie,

I am so happy to hear that you've already taken those first steps to get help from professionals, that is often the hardest part of it all! Please don't give up but maybe schedule an appt with one of them to tell them you are feeling overwhlemed with all the treatments and maybe they can help reduce it in some way. Maybe if you even mention you've been considering stopping it, then they'll take you seriously and come up with alternatives. For example, I once had a medical procedure done and they gave me a medicine that didn't work well with me and gave me awful side effects. I kept trying to take it until I finally asked, and the lady pulled out a whole drawer filled with alternatives! Had I never asked, I would've never known. But I know yours is completely different in a way, but I hope you can figure it out so that you don't feel this way anymore! Please know we all care here!

[waves]

Hi Debbie

Wish above me makes good points about letting your team know you are overwhelmed.

Mostly i just wanted to let you know i'm here and i'm reading you.

~ waves ~

[DMACK]

Debbie

Depression is a cruel companion, but you are the host of the party...so throw it a curve ball ,now and then by doing the things it does not expect you to do........like..CARE ABOUT YOURSELF


i wrote this on a previous thread some time ago [it still means the same]



A mind all muddled, confused and led astray,
Twisted thoughts , a memory
Not of now but yesterday.

Programmed senses all gone wrong, and nothing, is now right.
Decision making so very hard,
Everything seems black or white.

The thinking process is upside down, the brain not off, or on.
The sun in is not as bright today,
And the night just lingers on.

A prayer whispered for the future,
a lament sung for the past.
Despair is in the air tonight,
Let's hope it dosen't last.

The Dutch freind has arrived on the scene,
and offers courage to ease the pain.
The grain and hop's that pass your lips,
Burden heavy and remain.

The Demons are here and present now,
and the nightmares,
double fold.
Anguish, and grief now stench the air,
Stand fast, hold tight, be bold.

If you wake the next day,
you have probably learnt
a valuable lesson.
You'll overcome a lot of things:
If you accept you have

DEPRESSION.

David

Acceptance is an admission that you need help, help is the route to tollerence if not cure

[tamiloo]

Debbie, I wanted to add a hug and let you know I care how you are getting along...Prayers are going your way....