Yeah.... Ive learnt that using material things to get the anger out is not that bad... and it is always better than hurting myself or somebody else....

I just hate when anger invades me.

Im doing fine these days. Thanks !

Good!!!! good!!! good!!!!

I find this thread so encouraging!

Im really sorry to bring this thread back...

Specially these days...

Please ignore it if you dont fell like reading it... I just needed to talk/write...

Today is one of those days when I feel like I could scream my pain and everybody would be just looking at me like "whatever" you know...

One of those days when you feel so tired of fighting... and more importantly, you dont feel like you have something to fight for...

I was reading a blog about dreams... about reaching them... and... I just felt doomy... like, I will never reach my dreams...

I tried to pray, but to be honest with you, I dont think I have any faith left... it is not the first time that I feel that God doesnt exist... I try to believe, but after some months... I insist... nobody is there...

I came here because I know you understand my feelings... I feel... a hole ? like, Im nothing...?

And, here it comes the question... why do I have to stay here if I dont want to ?? I know it is selfish... but well... I would gladly donate all my organs to somebody that might be waiting out there and that wants to live...

I have told you this more than once and Im going to say it again... I dont see a purpose for my life...

Anger is a good thing!!! You still have feelings!!!

I know you say you feel empty... that's a feeling too!!

These things let you know that you are alive!!!

Even if you feel like you are never going to reach them...I know you don't feel like it, but you still have dreams!! They are still there!!! You are still working toward them!!! You can still reach them!!!

I just heard of an 80yr old man who just graduated from college. You have a long way to go before reaching his age. You have lots of time to make your dreams come true.

You asked why do you stay here if you don't want to.... I believe you are staying because you have way more fight in you and are way stronger than you believe and are willing to give yourself credit for!!!


I know you deal with a lot on a daily basis... but you have accomplished so much! You may not see it because you are standing in the middle of it all, but those around you see it!! They may not pat you on the back, shake your hand, or congratulate you for your successes but they do see it!! It is true that these same people are probably the first ones to point out your errors and/or deficiencies. While there is always someone that wants to see us fail...I feel that the majority of these people are either jealous of you or want you to excel beyond what they are able to communicate!!

Being selfish is okay for somethings... but I don't see you as a selfish person at all.... SUICIDE is selfish. I know... I walk a similar path as you...suicide is my constant companion.

I have said for a long time that if I died that no one would care....but deep down inside I know that is not true.... I think you know this too.

I also have said I don't anyone to hurt because of me... SUICIDE does HURT.. not only us, but those we leave behind....and that doesn't always mean those that are close to us. It often hurts those whose life path has crossed ours at one time or another.

Please... stop, step back, take a deep breath.... tomorrow is another day. I know if you choose not to be in it... it will hurt a lot of people... me included.


Abbie

Welcome to my world.

I completely feel the same way. Only reason, I think, that I go on is because I want to outlive my father and my dog, but sometimes that doesn't seem to be enough.

Sorry for hijacking your thread, just your quote rang so true to my life. Today, I was thinking (just thinking) about suicide, and one way I was thinking of was the way the old man in the new Wall Street movie did it; but then I think maybe it would hurt and I would fail somehow. But that scene keeps replaying in my mind.

BlueM, I haven been here before but looked in and read last posts here. I am 59 to give you some history. I have had periods of dark thoughts lately with my chronic illness taking more away from me. But before I was ill, when I was young I went thru times espcially very young that I felt somewhat like you. I was very very angry at my parents, maternal grandparents for failing to keep me safe. Putting anger out in the world may be frustrating for others but it is better than keeping it in.

You may have every right to be angry at your parents. I certainly did. Some days I still have frustration with my mom when she is unable to communicate with me but will with my brother. She feels guilt around not protecting me so it is easier to still after all these years keep me at arms length. Thankfully I became just the opposite and keep my girls and grandbabies close and love them up every chance I get.

Go into the world and find what makes you comfortable and one day happy. It may take some time and be opposite all that is around you but you can find it. I discovered that writing had a chemcial affect on me. I'd wake full of emotion, energy even and I'd take some paper and start writing with no purpose or goal. Years later now I have my journal by me all the time. It is my trusted friend.

When I hear the phrase "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" I remember a couple times that the pain was so overwhelming it didnt feel temporary. It felt endless and hopeless. But I am here. I have 2 amazing daughters and 5 grandchildren that give me hope and a sense of faith in tomorrow when I have trouble getting there now that I am ill.

I am sending you a gentle hug. Some times when I am alone and need a hug I have learned to have a special blanket and comfey cllothes to wrap my self in for that needed hug......and love.

Annie59