What if you think of suicide, have the means, but have no plan because you think it will hurt?

My goal is to outlive my dog, but my best friend just had to have shock pads to his chest to get his heart beat back to normal, I have had 3 head injuries and suffer from a TBI, my life is just sitting in my room, going to work at the hospital that treats me, and traveling to work. I live in NYC but cannot find a group of people to meet up with who are like me so I have no support.

I just don't know what to think, I take 11 medications and it wouldn't be hard to just down everything with mountain dew, but I don't do it, I love my dog.

yes, I am rambling, I am sorry, my life is just full on fail (whine, whine, whine).
What do I do?

Hi; I haven't been around here in quite awhile - until just recently. I find that I have to sneak back in every now and then because life's just a whole lot easier with my friends here.
Your life is very valuable, even if you don't feel like it is. I believe that, even when things in our lives become horribly hard to deal with, and whether we can see it or not, we have a reason to be here....almost like there's someone we're supposed to "connect" with. Maybe that's why I read your post tonight.
The other night I was having an awful time....really awful. But I came on here and begged for someone to talk to me for awhile and it worked. It always does; I'm usually just too stubborn to ask for help and try to trudge through it by myself. Well, I've learned lately that I can't do ANYTHING without help. It's just where I am now; life has just plopped me down and made me have to ask for help. Do I like it? No...not always, but it helps a lot.

I don't really have any words of wisdom, but I'm a good listener and I am able to do that for you. If you want to talk, I'm here...

thanks for the reply. Myself I own the NY State tax department like a firrst born, and I don't have the skill to fix the situation. My dad is paying my cable, I just paid rent and electric today (10 days late). Just wondering, does Ambein work or would I just sleep a lot. I have overdosed (I am told) twice before. I feel I look normal, just can't fiind someone like me. I just took my evening pills and am starting to fade. How do people keep going on? Many suffer more than my TBI and PTSD, I am lost....

Hi July... I am sorry that you aren't having any luck in finding support or anyone else like you... but I am glad that you have these forums... we are much like a family

I am glad that you have no plans for suicide, because you are right - it hurts... not only you but everyone else who knows and loves you.

You are brave and strong... remember that, and hang out with us if it helps.

I am so sorry to read your story here - and you know that because of my dogs I have not done away with myself many times. Like you I am old - no Family or Friends - just sitting here and wondering what to do with myself. I am also on many medications for constant pain and I suffer from Bi-Polar/Depression - so I can understand where you are coming from. I do not have a lot of advice for you really because my position is not much better than yours but if you ever want to talk - please feel free to write - I do not mind private mail.

Morri

Dear July, I am glad you found this site. I check in now and then just because of the people I have met here and the support I receive. I know the holiday can be difficult emotionally. Yes indeed, but you do have people here that will listen and try to understand. You are not alone. It may sound completely nuts, but I found reading an escape. It takes me places my body cannot go to. I get to go on an adventure to places that I know I will not see in person in this life. I have wonderered about my future at times too, worried about failing health. I still find reason just to satisfiy myself with some nice treat. Try to be good to yourself, even when you don't feel like it. It is cold here in Fla. All you northerners have blown the cold from canada down this way. Maybe a hot chocolate. Please write anytime you feel like it. I hope you will continue to keep in touch. ginnie

Thank you everyone. Writing used to be a passion of mine, but now I cannot read from one paragraph to the next without giving lost. I feel like a whiner right now, as my back is hurting and I caught a cold on top of everything else. At least I can take some meds and sleep in an hour or so. Again, thanks everyone. It just feels lonely, and the sad thing is, I am a pretty nice person, just shy and suffer from paranoia because of the TBI.

July63, welcome to the SOS Forum, i'm sorry you had to come to us with all the troubles you are experiencing, but now your here please stay around....for the next thirty years or so there is a lot to talk about.

Depression is such a debilitating condition, that strips away at an individuals, self esteeme and general well being. It fools us to believe that is winning....that it has a total grip upon our existance.....it then spews out the lure of suicide............cruely tempting a peaceful end to the inner turmoil.


its lies though all lies................depression can be controlled and or cured...with proffessional intervention, human support and personal understanding..


July63 i see you mention TBI this in itself can cause cognative and emotional impairment........please tell your doctor how you are currently feeling...

Take time to concentrate on YOU............Learn to care for yourself 100% , learn to give yourself a break............you have so much going on in your life.....dont beat yourself up my friend............just keep talking.......to anyone even yourself................stay alive the world would be much a lesser place without you in it...............

I often battle this demon..........but i'm still here.......I have recently been taking a break from this forum for a while....but ..your post brought me out of lurking mode....SO STICK AROUND.......KEEP TALKING

A dear lady on here will soon tell you............suicide is a forever decision...........and suicide is only a thought.........and thoughts do pass..................so concentrate on life my friend............sending you much positive thought.........

David

thank you David

I think we all have those feelings sometimes (or most of us do, if we're honest with ourselves). I have a lot of days when I think that everyone would just be better off without me - or wouldn't really miss me, anyway. I think, though, that deep inside I know that's not totally true.
Depression is worse than almost any disease. It's a helpless feeling and, when we're caught up in it, we just can't seem to help ourselves. For some people who have control issues (me!), it can be maddening...I hate being out of control on anything. There was a time in my life when I couldn't control a lot of things, so I decided that I could control what I did/didn't eat....all the way to 64 lbs. It was a great feeling of achievement at the time, for some reason...
Suicide is painful - to those you love, it's terrible. Though they love you, how can they accept that there is no answer to anything and there never will be - or not a straight one, anyway. It's painful to those who are around you because they will always wonder if there's something they should've seen, if there's something they should've said or not said. Yes, considering suicide is painful, too. It's a lonely place to be and that hurts horribly. But there's always someone who will be affected by it. Sometimes a person you'd never expect to even notice. Please continue to talk...you'd be surprised at the number of people here who love you - even though we don't know you. I know I've been saved by words here many times. And, though I don't "know" anyone here truly, I know that we don't have to be related by blood for the concern to be real. Most of my best friends I don't really "know"...and that's funny because I've found that I trust the ones I don't "know" a WHOLE lot more than the ones who are physically around me. It's an odd world, July, but it's what we've got and I'm really thankful for it. I'm here if you need me!