Me too Doody!

As many survivors before me, the never relenting questions haunt me. My one true peace is that Dad could not have known the hell he would leave his loved ones in. I think sharing like this is so important, letting others know the pain they will most assuredly leave behind. *sigh

Yesterday I heard the news that someone I knew took his own life. He was around my age (early 40's). His mother never suspected anything was wrong. But it seems he couldn't cope with not being able to find a job...but we will never know the real reason. I know his family are finding it hard to cope right now...
~Jaime~

Jaime I hope his family will find a support group for survivors as soon as they are ready to talk about it. And I'm sorry you've lost a friend.

This is why education is so key...if they only knew the devastation they are leaving their loves ones...it might give them pause. (((Nikki)))

((Jamie)) so sorry to hear of the loss. It is so hard to try to cope with such a devestating loss, my heart goes out to his family....

This is exactly what I am trying to express to the coalition. There has to be more that just "preventative" measures. I firmly believe that if our loved ones had an inkling of the ruins they would leave behind... it WOULD cause pause. I think with the prevention there should also be information widely expressed about the pain one would cause their loved ones. TALK TALK TALK!

I often time in my life have heard people say their families would be better off without them. It has always been so tragic to me that ones thinking could get to the point where they could even think such a thing, much less believe it!

I know my Dad... and I just know he had reached that point. He loved his family greatly and the very last thing he would ever have wished was to cause this hell to live in us. Twistedly ironic, in thinking to spare us, he destroyed us

It is hard now, to hear people say that... that their families would be better off without them. I just want to scream you are going to destroy the very people you think you would be "helping". Don't think for us, if you but only asked us, we could tell you the truth!! Sigh... and I think I better stop now

We may move on and have productive lives but...
Part of us is broken and unrepairable. It changes you when some one you love takes their own life. It pushes families apart it makes old friends avoid each other. If you are the type of person who can talk about it, it changes the way people look at you. Once people know they see you differently whether it is with pity, or the thoughts of "how could you not know?". because they have never known some one close they don't believe that if you really loved them you could miss the signs, they don't know any better. They don't think it because they are mean they just don't know.

Even those of us who seem to have moved on harbor our "darkness" only to be moored when we can no longer push it down, it rears its head when we least expect it. When we think we've moved on and laid it to rest and then... we see a movie that we think "Sam would love to see that" and then it hits us , he never will. Not by some cruel accident or some horrible disease but because he saw nothing worth staying here for...

It is not a life I would wish others to have to lead. To push the feelings down so as not to make others uncomfortable ( because we all do that), to avoid talking about some one we love because it is too painful not just for us but for the others who lost them also, the unspoken thoughts of how could we all have missed it? And we slowly spend less time together because it seems easier. Even though we wish we had some one to share our good memories with, but it is to hard to share the good with out remembering the tragic ending, so we drift apart.

We have broken and cannot be repaired, but yes we move on with our lives, we find was to be productive people because for us there is no other choice...

((ckepi))

I live in a small town, suicide is not the norm, it has great shock value. Even a year later, some people still avoid my eyes. But, I don't avoid theirs. Suicide should be shocking. But, I will not let other peoples discomfort make me avoid talking about my Dad.

I am survivor of his suicide. I did nothing to be ashamed of. I have many emotions over his suicide, shame is not one of them. My Dad was a brave heroic man. A wonderful father, husband and friend. He will always be my hero. I am still, so very proud to be his daughter.

No, I will not hide my love for him, nor my pain over his loss. I even joined the local coalition, I talk openly about his suicide and the impact of the after math. Only by talking and sharing can we bring suicide out of the darkness.

This is such a wonderful heartfelt post you have shared with us, thank you! I can see my future in your words....... the hurt, the loss I know I will always feel..................

And another bump..still looking for it. *grin