i don't how to go on any more.

i have a deathwish. i already feel dead inside.

i don't believe i would act on it because i'm afraid of success and failure:
--success because it would hurt my parents too much.
--failure because i could end up in worse conditions, with same deathwish.

i feel guilty for the deathwish. i believe in life but i can't seem to wrap myself around it any more.

objectively, i know i have so much more "going for me" than many do, despite the obstacles. but i can't seem to make any use of it.

i thought i knew how to walk around the proverbial pit, but here i am in it again.

thanks for listening anybody.

waves