Well, she died about half an hour after my last post. She wanted to die, and so she drank herself to death. Everyone around her knew it was going to happen at some point, but there was nothing to be done. You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

I guess I'm okay... I mean I'm miserable, but that word describes every day of my life to date. I actually sort of envy her... she gets to leave this God awful place but I have to stay here for 50 more years or so...

I hope the world she's in now is better then this.

Lonely, you are so vey right! "You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped".

You sound like you are in a hole like I was several years ago. Through the Grace of God; I crawled out of the hole ever so slowly; but I gradually did see the light. I still have to fight not to let myself go there again. I know the signs and if I had to just get in the car or go for a walk in a plaza looking in windows of stores. I know I need to get out of the house and fast. Just drop everything and go.

I also know when you are that "low" you really have difficulty even wanting to pray. I believe you do want to at least try; that is why you are here. You have started Step No. 1. Now; just try the next step and look for the "light".
It is there. But - only if you want it to be there.

I still have to "thank God for getting me thru today; please help me with tomorrow". I will include you along with me asking God to help us get thru tomorrow.

Thinking of you dear lonely1.

I can understand your mixed emotions Lonely1. Her suffering is over and I pray that she's at peace. Is your family with you at this time?

Just bumping this up because it's more important than my last post regarding politics.

We're here when you need, lonely1.

I'm sorry Lonely1.

I'm sorry, too, my friend... so many emotions and unknowns.

We all have choices - every single one of us. Your Mom's choices were overtaken by addiction. You have watched her dying for many years... just as I watched my Dad. I will thank God every day that both you and I have escaped the grips of alcoholism.

We now have to escape the grips of our depressed minds...

Wish I could give you a hug. And I wish we could all gather around you ....

I am there in spirit.

Lonely1, I am so sorry. I wish that we were all there for you....with you. But I hope that you know that we're here with you....anytime!

Hi all, thanks again for all the support.

I was with family for a few days Alfee, but I had to come home to go to work.

I guess I'm handling this all very well. I've known this was coming for a long time... I guess I was just prepared for it. Or maybe as a victim of the hopelessness of depression it's hard for me to see death as a bad thing. The mother I knew died long ago and was replaced by an addict I couldn't quite recognise. She had a very traumatic childhood, and I can't help but feel that all the troubles of my mom's last few years were caused by that experience... *sigh*

Addy, I'm sorry if my posts here brought up bad memories from your own past; I feel bad. It seems like I can't have any human contact without making someone elses life harder. Maybe I should just shut up and keep my problems to myself. The last thing I want to do is bother you all so much with my complaining that you have to start ignoring me (that's happened to me before ) Sometimes I just feel the need for someone outside my own head to know how I'm feeling. I need someone with which to share the happenings in my life.

Anyway... I think that's enough talking from me for now.

Hi Lonely1... no, no... my depression dip wasn't triggered by talks of you (my) parents... honest... I had such a HIGH having my sons and grandaughter here for thanksgiving last night... which caused me to analyze why I was so distraught before the date... I'll write about it in my thread.

I completely understand the need to talk about what is in your head so please don't ever stop doing that here! We are all big girls/boys and we can make choices as to whether or not we want to read something here. If anything, I think we all grow and learn (more about ourselves!) by sharing all that we do!

I think that when we lose our (disfunctional) parents we also lose that hope that maybe, just maybe they might change and be "normal"...
And what I've learned is that its up to us to break the pattern ... change ourselves.

Did (will) your family have a memorial for your Mom? I sincerely hope that you can forgive her... she was controlled by a horrible demon.