This is from Paul G. Quinnett's wonderful book "SUICIDE, The Forever Decision"

"The bug-in-the-cup idea is not mine, I got it from another psychologist who, in his lectures, used to use the example of a bug trapped in a cup to illustrate a major problem we all face from time to time: namely, that once we are trapped in a situation, our solutions are limited by what we can see. We have walked around and around inside our cup and, seeing no way out, we decide that all hope is finished and that we are forever trapped. We climb up, but slip back down. Everything we try fails. Then, when we are convinced there are no possible escapes left to us, we become depressed and helpless and hopeless and, sometimes, suicidal.

While human beings are bigger and supposedly smarter than bugs, I am not so sure that, when it comes to getting ourselves out of the cups we find ourselves in, we always do a better job of it. Once we are into a particular set of problems, I am not so sure all of us can think our way out of them - at least all by ourselves.

*********************

This is one of my favorite books because it's written for everyone who has considered suicide..and for everyone else who know, love, or counsel them.

I think that is an excellent point. People need to remember to reach out to others for help and support. Maybe someone can help to 'tip your cup on an angle' and/or throw you a rope to make it just a bit easier to climb out.

(((Alffe)))

bump
nudge
thump

....I have read this book a few times but not real recently. It is sitting in my bookcase and the last time I was suicidal I did not think to take it down and read it again. But then I was in a very bad place. That reaching out for help can be so very difficult. Interestingly I had told a friend that I was suicidal and what she said to me I will not repeat here. I love this person and always will but she couldn't help. And, in fact, drove me deeper. But I could not tell her that. I remember telling my husband that I just could not 'take any more and was truly despairing' but somehow that did not translate into 'I don't want to live any more'....life like this is not worth living or, at least, that is the way it seemed at the time. I won't put here what I did, the position I found myself in, or the plan I came so close to carrying out. I did reach out in the only way that I felt I could at the time, in prayer. Because that was all I felt that I had. It did get me through. And I am still here. I am learning from all this. And I hope that what I learn might help someone else. Communication, REAL COMMUNICATION can be difficult, especially when emotions run deep. I wrote the following piece of poetry when I read about Koala's nephew. I haven't posted it yet because I haven't felt the time was right. But now I do. When my friend's ex-husband commited suicide, I found myself wanting to explain how he may have felt while at the same time feeling her anguish. It was difficult. I will always be there for her, to support her however I can, and that is easier with my friends here helping me. But I still find myself wanting to explain, wanting to say, "this is how I felt, this is why I did what I did." Gosh I hope this is making sense. Sometimes I wonder why I am still here, walking this Earth. I shouldn't be. When I tried to commit suicide at the age of 12, I really should not have lived. But I did. And I am glad that I did. Sometimes I feel guilty that I lived and others haven't. Anyway, enough explaining. When I wrote this I reached back to the 12 year old in me and to how I felt. I don't know if it will help anyone but here it is:

I DIDN'T KNOW

Trapped
Can't see a way out
Consuming pain
Within...without.

Can't reach out
Don't know how
So consumed
By this now.

Can not see
In the future...
Blinded by this me.

All around me
People there
How do I share?
I know they care.

Can't reach out
Not sure how
How do I share
Pain...despair?

Can't go on
Too much to bear
Breaking...

Now fear is there,
I'm beckoned...
Can't resist the snare.

You see,
It seems,
To end this pain...
End this me.

I did not know
I could not see
Was trapped
By the pain in me.


I believe that belonging to this forum, back when, helped me to stay my hand because of the pain I see people here go through. It is always there somewhere in my mind and helps me to fight. But not everyone has access to that or knows about it, or gets exposed to it. I hope that together we all can make a difference.....

Oh you make a difference Mistiis..(I almost slipped and called you by your old name..*grin) I "know" your story...well, as much as any of us can know someone elses "story" and here you are...reaching out to give back to the world when an awful lot of us were afraid you had "succeeded".

Giving back is such an amazing thing..Nikki mentioned it too. There is something hopeful, something reassuring about being in the presence of survivors. It shouts out....you can do this! I survived, so can you!

Your poem really touched me...I felt your pain and lonliness. Thank you for sharing that dear friend.

((Mistiis)) I am going to have to come back and post to this....
I need time to collect myself...
Your poem was beautiful, your whole post was moving.
Thank you

I guess the bug in the cup is kind of like me telling the Tdoc that I was having trouble digging my way out of the big hole I am in.......

If you look up from that big hole Abbie, you'll see arms reaching down to you. I'm glad you can talk to your Tdoc. And remember, you are not alone....just tell us how you feel.

That is such an important thing to be able to do, and, I too, am glad that you did...Alffe is right...we will be right here...putting down that ladder
just grab hold of it......