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08-24-2015, 08:13 PM | #1 | ||
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Member
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Hi all,
New here on the "Survivors of suicide forums". Been very active for almost a year on the traumatic brain injury and post concussion syndrome forums.. And I love it there. And will continue to stay active there. But I'm here for help, advice, and just overall talk to people who are willing to listen. So, here's my story, and why I'm here. I'm Sam and I'm going to be 15 years old in October. Many tell me I'm extremely mature for my age. Let's start... At the beginning of this suffering. October 17, 2014, I hit my head playing football on my friends lawn. Without knowing, I continued to play and had a concussion. Weeks passed, then months, and I was diagnosed with Post Concussion Sydrome. Been suffering with a nightmare feeling of feeling in a dream like state all the time. Everything feels more unreal than usual. Been suffering with it for almost a year now. I'm extremely sensitive, and every so often I just break down and cry. I cry so hard it hurts. I hate myself, and I have no friends. I have one friend that's a girl that I talk to, but that's about it. I'm so scared, and loosing hope, and want to just end this because I feel like I will never get better. My everyday life consists of me either hiding in my room, playing video games all day, and sleeping. My parents and family get extremely angry when they see this, and want me to go outside and hang with my friends. What they don't realize is that I honestly have none. For some reason everyone hates me, and I struggle to find true friends that actually want to hangout with me for me. Hopefully someone out there cares. Sam |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | Alffe (08-25-2015), barbo (09-01-2015), bizi (08-24-2015), Cheryl1818 (08-25-2015), DejaVu (08-24-2015), EnglishDave (08-25-2015), eva5667faliure (08-26-2015), Littlepaw (09-01-2015), Nervous (10-11-2015), raniabk (10-26-2016), tamiloo (08-25-2015), thorx89 (03-01-2016), vintagewine (08-25-2015), Wren (08-25-2015) |
08-24-2015, 10:08 PM | #2 | |||
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Legendary
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Hi Sam. I care.
You know me already but I just wanted to post here to you as well. Are you ever able to sit down with your parents and talk from your heart the way you have here? Do they know how sad you have been lately? |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | Alffe (08-25-2015), barbo (09-01-2015), bizi (08-24-2015), Cheryl1818 (08-25-2015), DejaVu (08-24-2015), EnglishDave (08-25-2015), eva5667faliure (08-26-2015), Littlepaw (09-01-2015), OhKay (12-14-2015), SamG11 (08-25-2015), tamiloo (08-25-2015), Wren (08-25-2015) |
08-24-2015, 10:17 PM | #3 | |||
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Wisest Elder Ever
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hi sam,
maybe you can print out what you wrote then read it to them?? just a thought. sorry it is so hard for you.... bizi
__________________
. Hattie the black and white one wrestling with hazel, calico. lost hattie to cancer..... Happiness is a decision.... 150mg of lamictal 2x a day haldol 5mg 2x a day 1mg of cogentin 2x a day klonipin , 1mg at night I will not give up in this weight loss journey, nor this need to be AF. 3-19-13=156, 6-7-13=139, 8-19-13=149, 11-12-13=140, 6-28-14=157, 7-24-14=149, 9-24-14=144, 1-12-15=164, 2-28-15=149, 4-21-15=143, 6-26-15=138.5, 7-22-15=146, 8-24-15=151, 9-15-15=145, 11-1-15=137, 11-29-15=143, 1-4-16=152, 1-26-16=144, 2-24-16=150, 8-15-16=163, 1-4-17=169, 9-20-17=174, 11-17-17=185.6, 3-22-18=167.9, 8-31-18= 176.3, 3-6-19=190.8 5-30-20=176, 1-4-21=202, 10-4-21= 200.8,12-10-21=186, 3-26-22=180.3, 7-30-22=188, 10-15-22=180.9, |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | Alffe (08-25-2015), barbo (09-01-2015), Cheryl1818 (08-25-2015), DejaVu (08-24-2015), EnglishDave (08-25-2015), eva5667faliure (08-26-2015), Lara (08-24-2015), Littlepaw (09-01-2015), OhKay (12-14-2015), SamG11 (08-25-2015), tamiloo (08-25-2015), Wren (08-25-2015) |
08-24-2015, 11:07 PM | #4 | |||
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Senior Member
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Hi Sam,
Sounds like you are in a lot of pain with all of this? I am very sorry for your pain. Lara and bizi have encouraged you to talk openly with your parents. I agree with them. Talking openly with your parents may be very helpful. Do you feel this is something you can do? It's all too easily to lose track of friendships if/when we are sidelined by a medical condition. I am sorry you feel you have lost friendships. Must feel lonely at times? The "dreamy state" you have mentioned can feel very isolating from the rest of the world. Have you noticed if anything helps with this feeling? Sometimes, people report having someone talk to them helps, just hearing a voice helps. Some people report isolation makes this dreamy state worse. Have you noticed things which make this better or worse? Have you been able to see a therapist, a psychologist, a neuropsychologist? Are you increasingly anxious about the school year starting? Does the student guidance office know about your condition, so they can assess your individual needs and can advocate for you at school? Please know we do care, Sam. We hope to help. Sometimes, it truly takes a village. I am glad you are finding the TBI/PCS forum helpful. You are courageous to reach out here, as well. Looking forward to hearing more about you, Sam. Warmly, DejaVu |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | Alffe (08-25-2015), barbo (09-01-2015), Cheryl1818 (08-25-2015), EnglishDave (08-25-2015), eva5667faliure (08-26-2015), indigo (12-12-2015), Littlepaw (09-01-2015), OhKay (12-14-2015), SamG11 (08-25-2015), tamiloo (08-25-2015), vintagewine (08-25-2015), Wren (08-25-2015) |
08-25-2015, 06:15 AM | #5 | |||
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Magnate
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Hi Sam,
I care, too. You are brave and right to admit to these thoughts here so we can start to show you where to get help. Just remember, you are dealing with the turmoil of growing up on top of a serious medical issue - that is not easy for a healthy person. DejaVu has already pointed you towards Therapy and addressing your Guidance Counsellor at school with your needs, but you really do need to deal with family attitude - anger is destructive. Compromise is the way forward here. As suggested by bizi, could you see your way to writing a letter to your family expressing exactly how you feel. If opening up to the whole family is too daunting, choose one member to pass the letter to. Ask for help and understanding, but you have to offer something in return - 2 hours of your game time a day which you will sacrifice to spend with, interact with your family. Even start lower, say an hour, but make that commitment to renew the bond. If your female friend would agree to participate in this activity occasionally, then you may not feel so isolated. Friends at school, or outside, is a tricky one. Often people find kindred spirits in the shared interests of Clubs. The only thing my best friend and I had in common at the start was liking an obscure Prog Rock Group. The thing is you never know where friendships are going to form. Above all else, work on removing these Dark Thoughts. They are damaging further what should be a most wonderful part of your life. You are seeking help, which shows maturity. Now you need to get out and live your life within your PCS limitations. Dave.
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You and I are yesterday's answers, The earth of the past come to flesh, Eroded by Time's rivers To the shapes we now possess. The Sage - Emerson, Lake & Palmer. |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | Alffe (08-25-2015), barbo (09-01-2015), Cheryl1818 (08-25-2015), eva5667faliure (08-26-2015), indigo (12-12-2015), Littlepaw (09-01-2015), SamG11 (08-25-2015), vintagewine (08-25-2015), Wren (08-25-2015) |
08-25-2015, 06:40 AM | #6 | ||
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Junior Member
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Hi Sam,
My caring hugs, heart and prayers go out to you. I'm sure many more people love and care about you than you probably even realize. I have been in that dark place often and it can be overwhelming and isolating . I feel that there is a reason that we are still here in this " game we call life" Have you thought about talking to a professional therapist? I feel that it could be a good step for you to talk to an impartial and trained person to guide you with some distractions and tools to help you cope when you get into that dark place. It's sure worth a shot.... All the best always Sam |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | Alffe (08-25-2015), barbo (09-01-2015), Cheryl1818 (08-25-2015), DejaVu (08-28-2015), eva5667faliure (08-26-2015), Littlepaw (09-01-2015), SamG11 (08-25-2015), Wren (08-25-2015) |
12-10-2015, 09:46 PM | #7 | ||
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New Member
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Chronic pain isn't considered as nearly (or properly treated) as seriously as it should be IMHO.
Most everyone that has suffered severely for a very long period of time has had the same thoughts cross their mind, tried and failed, or felt that moment of truth and stopped. There have been times when I myself have came down to the wire, the two main reasons that the job wasn't completed may sound silly to some. I have four grown children and six grandchildren, I Pray that they never have to understand life with CP. Personally them remembering that I chose to end my life over something that they don't understand would break their heart. A good friend of mine was hit head on by a drunk driver and left quadriplegic, for thirteen years he slowly deteriorated until he passed. Things can get very tough at times, yet somewhere out there someone is in far worse condition than I am and most likely you are. For far too many years I have fought severe pain, I may never actually "win", but I will not surrender either. Hang in there, when you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on tight. When it seems like the world would be a better place without you..... ask yourself the question, do my family and friends, the people that love me feel the same way ?. Deep down we all know the answer. Maybe I am a little different, a smile, hug, or "I love you" makes what life I do have left worth any pain that I could ever suffer. Quote:
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"Thanks for this!" says: | eva5667faliure (12-11-2015), Littlepaw (12-11-2015), OhKay (12-14-2015), SamG11 (12-11-2015), Wren (12-10-2015) |
12-11-2015, 12:23 AM | #8 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Quote:
thank you
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someone who cares eva |
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12-11-2015, 05:15 PM | #9 | ||
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Junior Member
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Quote:
Have you tried prayer? My nephew who was sent to prison when he was only about 19 learned how to pray in prison. There are many kinds of prayer, some are slow, gentle forms of prayer like contemplating your healing process while in the presence of God. Other forms of prayer are reading a little of the Bible and then asking God to open up the verse for you. Of course, you may always pray to ask God to help you get through the day, and heal properly from your injury. Prayer will help you feel like you have someone to turn to. |
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12-11-2015, 06:46 PM | #10 | ||
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Member
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Quote:
I hanged out with multiple "clicks"/groups of kids prior to the injury. I always bounced around trying to find true friends. Now, those kids dont really want to hang with me. They are sorta nice to me in school, but only when I'm the last one to turn to. If they see any one of there other friends, they will immediately turn there backs, ignore me, and start talking to them. So Obviously, there not real friends, and I'm treated like dirt. When I ask them to hang out they either never respond to there texts or make up some fake excuse. I've tried everything, and right now, I'm focused on getting healed. I honestly gave up, and if these people dont like me for me I wont even bother with them. And every time I think of it, it only makes me more depressed and angry. I've been praying to god every once in a while. It helps a little when I'm feeling down |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | bizi (12-11-2015), EnglishDave (12-11-2015), eva5667faliure (12-12-2015), Littlepaw (12-11-2015), OhKay (12-14-2015), Wren (12-11-2015) |
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