My husband took his life on October 6, 2007. All I had to do was talk to him. but I couldn't. I hated him for what he was doing to us.

After a 17 year marraige and a union built so strong. This marraige struggled since 1996 after the birth of our first child.

He was my rock and my grounding place. But alcohol reighned. It was no more a social occassion, it was his daily repreive.

For years, I kept trying to bring him back to the man I married. I am not a fool. If you met him today, you would know why. He was loved by all. But I carried him, babied him, did everything for him. I was the "enabler", his rock. I crumbled.

I couldn't take it anymore. With the birth of our second child, he was at his worst and I put up with the mental and verbal abuse because of his drinking.
Rik had a very low self-esteem of himself, so he had no problem bringing everyone's faults to surfice to make him look better.

He leaned on me for everything and the resentment continued to grow.

When I gave him the ultimatitum of quitting and getting help, he slammed me with divorce papers. What he didn't realize, was that he was truly alone at that point and could not function without me.

I warned his family and friends as I could no longer talk to him. He did it. He killed himself on October 6th, 2007.

Now I am alone with two little girls and full of hatred for what he did. I will never forgive him. What now. I want to disapear, but can't because of the children.

I sold his truck today, finally. Now I don't have to look at it anymore. He took his life in the back seat.

Life used to be beautiful and we had so many dreams. Why?