Broken friend, I think you are right.
I truely think she is suffering from PTSD and is having non stop flash backs. There must be a way to break this cycle.
Only her doctor can answer these questions for her.
She must talk to her doctor and talk about how her meds are not working if she is not taking them....WE can't make her take her meds.
We can only tell her that we care and are concerned....
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

((BJ)) By now, I hope you know how much I truly care for you.
There will never be a time I won't want to hear from you.
Please never - ever - feel you would be bringing us down if
you come share with us. That my friend, is why we are all here!
If you are in a dark place, I want to hold a candle to light you
way. Please come share with us. We care greatly for you and
wish to support and comfort you

I wish you would just reach out ,come talk and share with us , go to your doc she can help , tell her how you feel ,how overwhelming things are. being stuck is harder then reaching out. Please know how much you meen to all of us how much we care and how much we want you to seek help . your doctor knows you and she cares too she is there to help you. as are all of us

...even though it may not seem like it right now... life is too precious to NOT REACH OUT...every little step you can take is important....

((((HUGS))))
for our girlie
bizi

(((((BJ)))))

Thinking of you and sending you BIG HUGS!!!!

Please... come in and talk. You ARE LOVED!!!

YOU ARE MISSED!!!

I can't speak for all, but I would guess many.... I will gladly push away from the joking to help you in any way that I can... that won't be a problem... NOT AT ALL. I know there will be others that join me because WE ALL DO CARE ABOUT YOU!!!

My shoulders are strong, please come and lean on me. I just cleaned my ears so they are ready for listening. My arms may not be as strong as they used to be but they are ready to give hugs!!! I have a good chair if you just want me to sit with you in the silence... I will gladly do that also.


Abbie

You’re right Alffe, I’m stuck and I can’t get unstuck and I’m sorry I disappointed you. I can’t stop thinking about death and dying, I’m obsessed with it. I can’t stop thinking about how my mom and dad looked in their coffins and how when I threw dirt on my mom’s coffin I wanted to jump right in the ground with her. I didn’t want to let her go because she was all I had left. I went so far as to make my will today. Pretty sad when I had to put down as beneficiaries The Humane Society of the US and Alley Cat Allies.

But I can’t get the vision of Mark’s lifeless body hanging in the bathroom out of my mind. I don’t know if I ever told you what he was wearing……..his baseball uniform. We went to bed just like any other night and we talked a while, nothing big. He said he was tired and wanted to go to bed. I heard him in his room and then I fell asleep. His last words to me were “Even though we kid around and have brother and sister squabbles, I'm glad you're my sister and don’t ever forget it.” The coroner said he had been dead around 7 hrs when I found him. So after I fell asleep he must have gotten into his uniform and ended it all. That quick and he was gone. And that’s what my mom buried him in, his baseball uniform. I just want to know why, why why?

I tried to forget about it, tried to watch Biggest Loser. I couldn’t even do that because it was about mothers/daughters and daughters/fathers. I tried to take Hooper for a walk and I saw 3 boys playing baseball. Nope couldn’t do that either.

I feel so bad about what I said about joking, it was just a moment and it came out wrong. I was glad to see every one having fun again. It was so dead in here for so long and I really really was glad to see some fun in here again. Hopefully one day I’ll be able to join in on the fun. Just like families have fun, you're my family and I want you to all have fun.

BJ the things you say..NEVER COME OUT WRONG!!!!!! I am glad you are here sharing .
I think the best step to take to start being un-stuck is to keep seeing your doctor and reaching ,take your medication. Your doctor needs to hear these words and know what you are feeling and know the things that hurt you that trip you up and send you back down into deep saddness. She cares and she can help you get threw this. She can help you cut threw the straps that seem to keep you down and so very sad. please talk with her and tell her everything. what you say does not come out wrong..NOT saying things is wrong. let your thoughts and feelings out ..on paper share with us and talk to your doctor. I am so glad you have come and posted because I and all of us love you so much it is reassuring to see you no matter what.
please keep reaching ,remember to take your meds, share with doc and keep taking little steps .
I always have you and hooper in my prayers. healing strength and courage and much peace to you sister BJ.

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