HI all I'm just checking in...out of hospital and slightly pIXXXD OFF

After going through all the normal anxiety of an operation, general anathestic, i awake to be told it was not performed. The reason the initial problem appeared not to be there, so a non evasive [not cutting] task was taken instead.

Im pleased in one way, but very angry in another way. Im now told if the problem reaccurs i will have to see a skin specailist. [ i was told this two years ago, but my GP did not agree and never referred me]

This all may sound very Vague....it was a bowel/rectal repair hense my limited explanation. The pain though i have experienced over the last three years is excruciating at times. Now though im told it could be a nervous excema causing the problem. i hope what they did do will cure the problem but allready i fear not.

Its slightly odd really, because my condition is one of those embarrasing type conditions, i tend to suffer in silence and tell very few whats wrong.

Alffes recent post made me think how folk complain about non tabbo subjects[kid/troubles] but wont talk about subjects that are very painful, and out of the realms of most, and therefore catagorised as TABOO [SUICIDE/DEATH/CANCER/ to name just three]

I then thought do i not speak of my BI-POLAR in the same way....at times yes... if i feel it will be accepted i talk about it... if i fear ridicule.. i retain this as another taboo.

Today is yet another example....We went out shopping today and i bought my wife a sat-nav for her car, i bought my boys, trainers, and t-shirts...I FELT OVERLY GENEROUS IN MOOD

When we came hope the darkest of clouds decended over me, yet for several hours no-one even noticed... when i did come out with what was wrong...I got a 'YOU SHOULD HAVE REMINDED US'

My dad died twelve years ago today of Stomach and Bowel cancer.

I guess i wanted others to remember the day as i do- yet by keeping the day to myself and festering on others oversight i reinforeced the silence that is TABOO..[THE UN-MENTIONED, THE OVERLOOKED, THE BRUSH IT AWAY, the i'll get through on my own crap]

Greif/physichal pain/emotonal pain/ anxiety/distress/depression.... they are all individual pain...know one else can catch it....so why are we as humans so afraid to talk about these issues,...........rejection

We all fear rejection ..........the inner child in us all wants to feel safe and protected from the true sadness and distress that lifes rollercoster ride brings with it.....as adults we realise we cant alter the world, heal everyone else's
pain /torment...so we politely avoid what we cant solve..and discreetly shy away from divulging our own traumas/and sadly we tend not to listen to others for fear of unsettling are own .

I for one thought Alffes recent thread was a heartfelt message to us all , it is very difficult to at times see another persons problems as theirs, without simulating the issues to those of your own. Its even harder to tell an individual of your own experience in a situation without making them feel worse than they already do.

I watch this board daily, and inside my heart breaks when i see words, that scream out in un-heard volume.................I'M SUFFERING.

wHAT CAN I DO TO HELP...IS MY FIRST THOUGHT... though at times ..regrettably my first thought is not to respond in writing.............

taboo.......taboo.......taboo..................
bare with me 5 mins.....................[pause]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jReLRxrCJqU [ GOD I FEEL SO SAD ]

To those of you with sad/unhappy user names i plead with you to to change them to help your healing process
To those with Avitars that depict your unhappiness, and slavery to your illness, i beg you to change them to help your healing process.


DAVID