Oh I would not have been able to restrain myself....you know me better than that!! Shame on them!!

Moi i'm sure i too could not be quiet.


I usualy say in times like that.

THERE BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD GO I..........................

People have a habit of dimissing things out of hand when they know nothing about..a subject......sadly araogance in this situation can have an awful habbit of coming back and biting you on the prefervbial.


My sister in Law never spoke too me for two years after my attempt..........when she did start talikng again..... she for another 6 months would not allow her kids stay at our house...because she was concerned i may still be un-stable.............

FIVE YEARS PASSED BYE ...........a 3am phone call informed my wife her sister was in hospital after taking an overdose, .............................two years after that ...............another phone call in the small hours the same sister the same hospital he same reason................

Its quite funny..that this sister in law now sees me as a confident...and a 'person who understands her state of mind'

[i dont often understand her, though i have great empathy towards her..........ps

i never said once do you remember how you treated me.....................[though ive felt it]

Suicide can literally happen to anyone..................all it needs is

a large slice of heartache...several measures of cognative breakdown...three or four lumps of desperation +loneliness, and a pinch of unbareable issolation.

throw in drink/drugs/gamling/violence/relationship breakdowns/ or other social disasters any one or more optional...................and hey presto............given the right timing and setting and this realy could creep into anyones mind...........circumstances change thought processes very quickly..mental health causes change even quicker...............



YES ALFFE i agree we show adverts on TV saying drink/drugs /smoking can all kill..

we have no advert saying SUICIDE WILL KILL......but we should have....

David

*sigh...sometimes, it takes even less than that, Dave...

I am going to come out and admit that lately, I've been battling the demon quietly...

after being sick for almost a month, I found myself in great physical pain as of late...but even more so, mentally...

I have found such a joy with the grandkids around but at the same time, I have been feeling bits and pieces of me dying on the inside lately...and I just cannot pinpoint why...

well, maybe a little bit of it...

I saw a video of someone that played piano beautifully recently...and I thought about how much my parents and my grand parents had aspirations for me of becoming a concerto pianist when I was a very young boy because I showed a little bit of sign that I might be good...

from ages 5-9, I practiced intently and intensely and diligently...

but stopped and only play here and there since then...I have found myself in a re-awakening as of late and feeling like I am tired of my current career choices (part of it due to a very bad economy and other part bored with it) and I have been finding myself wanting to play piano again...not to the point of concerto pianist but just be able to play decently...

I sat down for the first time in months and while I can play, I sucked...my fingers are hard and a bit of my joints are in pain...

and JUST like that....the thoughts of being a failure just hit me like a ton of brick as if I have failed all those that had high hopes for me...nobody knows about it yet I beat myself up...
and I felt like dying inside...

just like that...I wanted to sleep that eternal sleep...

I walked and played with the grandson the next day and while I laughed with him on the outside, I wanted to scream on the inside...just like that...

and I had to come home that night and find some time to myself and ask myself questions...why was it that simple that death was planted in my head??

I had to fight that demon that night...didn't tell anyone...

I am tired physically but more tired mentally lately, it seems...and I have NO idea what is going on although I just shared a little bit of it...and it came...JUST LIKE THAT...

*sigh...anyways, not sure if I wanted to hit the send button but here goes....

(((Moi))) you have a long pm in your box.... Luv u my friend, quit trying to battle him alone. There is strength in numbers... thank you for sharing, now let us help. I UNDERSTAND......

We ladies had nine months to get used to a new little person in our lives.
And when they arrived, they had little say in how we nutured them.

You, dear man, are learning all the feelings that go with parenting and some of them are suprising. It's natural to go back in time and wonder about what would have been, could maybe have been. But as you well know, life has a way of happening to us when we are least expecting it to.

I close my eyes and still see two bundled up people, shivering in the back of a boat out on the lake...trying to hide their love from me and that is all that was keeping us warm that day.

You have so many talents that it must be hard to choose which one to use.....I have enjoyed seeing all of them.

Strong emotions can trip other strong emotions that are stuffed away and need to be dealt with. They surface and then we don't know what to do with them. We need to learn how to deal with them in a healthy way. This, too, is a learning process. We may trip and fall, but, hopefully there will be someone to help us up. That is what this forum is all about.

my dear friend Moi

a poem from me to you.

As a child i loved to please,
I quickly learnt how to appease.
I did for others what they desired,
I lived their dreams is what transpired.

I played on ivory keys aloud,
My only wish to make them proud
My desire to play faded with my age
I reached a time, no.... a different page

My life has turned like, hour glass
My piano life I miss alas
Yet I play the keyboard everyday
And for that time: a price I pay

You see my piano now: is not of sound
My music now is more profound
The clatter of keys: plays my notes
From tales of life and anecdote’s

My dream to be a music star
Was not far-fetched or so bizarre
Until this time I did not know
Just how my life would simply go

Until a friend told me to be true
I wasn’t sure just how he knew
He said he read it: in my thread
He told me symphonies were in my head.

He claimed that music was not all sound
That the words in a song were more profound
He told me to look at the words in my mind
And a symphony in there, I would certainly find

He pointed out I was a fighter
And highlighted my vocation was as a writer
He told me millions would pay to read my story
With all its gore, triumph and glory

So maybe my future is as an author, and a freeman
Where I write about life, and my fight with the demon
I could tell the world of pain and loss
I could also tell of love and my life with moss
But most of all I could write to stay alive,
And that might encourage others on how to SURVIVE.




Moi you are a very talented man ...........and i would queue to be first at the book signing...........so start now [ i will save up to get there]

Now fight that DEMON with your inner strength, resolve and that supurb sense of humour..............WALK TOWARDS THE SUN, AND ALL OF LIFES SHADOWS WILL ALWAYS BE BEHIND YOU DEAR FRIEND.

ST GEORGE is on his wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

David

Way cool, David.

A person without a dream is like a broken-winged bird that cannot fly.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P1hTZ...eature=related

mist, thank you for that wonderful PM...will reply soon...(((BIG HUGS)))

~~~~~~~~~~

Alpho, I am wondering if I should wear a 10lb dumbell around my waist for 9 month just to see if I can get a sense of this nurturing although I am afraid my dumbell will turn out to be a well, DUMBELL...LOL

Life is funny that way, isn't it? The unexpected makes life while we want what is expected, which is also life but that part can get boring cause we expect it...hmmmm...balance...

did we tried to hide our love? maybe the shivering part was cause I was trying to cop a cheap feel...LOLOLOL just kidding...well, it WAS cold that day, wasn't it??? But I felt so warm that day in that boat with you and Mr. Alpho and da wife...

It's a funny thing about my "talents" I never was sure that I have any...I always feel like I can do a little bit of this and a little bit of that but I never got really good at anything...maybe that is why I was so frustrated...*sigh...

I feel like I am still searching after all these years...and that time is running out...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

David,

that is such a wonderful poem...I am not saying that because it is about me...I am saying that the POEM itself was very well written and it touched me..if you would've written it for a mosquito, I would've been equally touched...

What I posted was a small part of what has been bugging me but for some reason it was the part that came out...

what you've said about music of the writing is so true...I have seen it too...in many others photos and poetries and artworks and writings as well as yours...

I wish I believe in myself as much as you and others believe in me...one of my biggest champions have always been moss...

and others have encouraged me as well and now you...

I feel so honored...and I am really blushing here as I type this because I feel like I am just such a small part of this universe and this here them forum and that this poem will be saved as well as others have written for me (thank you, mist, duck, and moss) and that since some of you have such faith in me that I will really try to get good and in gear and start writing...I have always felt the urge to write...and while I have...I really need to get my butt in gear and start writing

whether it gets to be published or not, it doesn't matter...what matters is that I have such encouragements from you and others...

IF I was ever lucky enough to get published...you don't ever have to be in queue, David, you'll be sitting on our couch and we're going to have a cup of tea and I am going to ask you tons of question and learn from your brilliant mind...and I will do that with each and everyone of you because I feel like I am the perpetual student...

and of course, da moss and I will throw a big party and get you all over and have BIG GET IT TO GO....

thanks so much, David...it was so cool...thank you...from the BOTTOM of my heart...

~~~~~~~~~~~~

now, back to our regularly scheduled topic...were we talking about "Frank"