Didn't know where to put this, but just wondered if anyone had any comments for me. I am not asking for sympathy or anything at all like that. I'm really asking if I'm being delusional about something because I feel as if I've been placed in a really uncomfortable and weird situation and I think I'm doing the right thing and that's what I think is important but I have people who are second-guessing my decision and the more they do this, the more I think maybe I've got it wrong or am in some sort of denial or something. Well, I don't really, but that's what the suggestion is. I'll try to make it brief.

So when I was very little, my mother died and I was taken away to live with some relatives of my father. I don't remember her at all. I know nothing about her except that she was very beautiful and very tall. Not much to go on, but hey, that's all there is. My relatives where I went to live didn't ever mention her, never talked about her, nothing. It was one of those situations where these people believed that talking about things only made sadness worse. bulldust. I lived my life feeling as if I'd been dropped off from another planet.

Anyway, about 2 years ago some relative of my mother tried to make contact with me through my ex-husband. He passed on the message to me and I let it go. 2 days ago another relative of my mother contacted my ex-husband asking for my address and details. I've lived my whole life dealing with what I was dealt and doing it alone. It's not always been easy, but I keep thinking... why on earth would these people be finally making contact with me after almost 1/2 a century? Why leave it till now?

So, I don't remember my mother at all. I do not know these people and I really do not want to have contact. I see that as quite understandable and yet, I get the feeling that I'm the only person who thinks that and it's starting to annoy the heck out of me. It's making me angry.

I spent my whole lifetime dealing with certain issues about having no parents. Because I don't have memories of my mother, and only a few of my father, I arrived at a place very, very early in my life where I realized there was only me and that was just the way it was and I had to build on that. I wish to keep things intact, if you know what I mean. I don't want some people who I don't know and never have known coming into my life and messing with my mind after all this time just because they are somehow related. It's not that simple.

I just don't undertand their motives and keep thinking that perhaps someone is ill or dying or something and they need to make contact for that sort of reason, but I just don't get it. I'm also angry that they keep contacting my ex-husband who couldn't care less about any of that. It's a total invasion of privacy I feel. The messages have been passed on to me and that was that. I didn't expect to have this continue on for the rest of my days.

So, that's the very short version, but the basics are sometimes clearer. I don't wish to have contact and I feel that's my right. Does that make sense?

lara...the HUGEST loving (((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))

blood does not make family. family lies hurt people deeply. finding out the lies is not always what is best. neither is finding out the truth when yu can't go back and change the past.

some know why i post on sos. but a situation kinda like yurs is what brings me here.

my fathers mother tried to commit suicide when he was very young. he and 2 siblings were taken in by different relatives. different sides of the families. my father was neglected and passed around. treated worse than a dog.

my father being the oldest remebers his mother. remembers the night she was taken away. remembers the horros of visitng her in the place they lockedher up ( in the 30's ) after they fried her brain with shock treatments. he never saw her again. she never remembered she had children. she lived the rest of her life in a home.

my fathers brother was a baby. he was told his whole life his mother had died. he found out the truth as an adult. it scarred him for life. he moved away. not to contact his family again for ever 25 years. my father has since seen him only a couple of times.

you do not have to contact this person lara. you have no obligation to. ifyour x wants and is willing to keep the contact information for you. then great. if you ever want to find them, then it is up to you. if they have medical or health information that you might need, then maybe he could get that for you. or somebody that can act as a middleman.

we are here for you lara. go with your gut feelings. your safety and well being are the most important thing here.

Thankyou for your reply, Curious. What a dreadful tragedy in your family. I'm so sorry. I just don't understand why people would lie like that. It's worse than not talking about it at all. In a way I feel that's where this whole business is leading.

The ex told me the person phoning said something about losing contact with me when my father took me away after my mother died. Well, that isn't what happened at all. My father didn't take me away, his relatives did. My father had been POW in WWII, first in Changhi prison and then on Burma railway for the whole of the war. He survived unlike many others, came home, fell in love, married, started getting his life back together, had me, then his wife died. My father was not able to care for me and I rarely saw him until he also died when I was a teenager.

So, already they have their facts wrong and why they're discussing this with my ex-husband I just don't know. It's not his business and I sure told him that when he called and told me that he'd received another phone call with people looking to contact me, and really it's not their business to be doing so. It's just gone and jumbled up my head a bit and I wish these two people had never made any contact at all. Maybe would be different if the contact had been made when I was little, but now???

It's not like I've lived my whole life with all this in some compartment box in my head and not thought about it. I spent about 30 years of my life somewhat consumed by it and working through it all. I got to a place of acceptance where everything was sorted out and more comfortable and then this. I just wondered if I was wrong about all this. I mean, we only live this one life knowing the people we do, but these people are strangers and they don't know me or anything about me and I don't really want them to ...

Lara, I hear what you are saying and I think everyone else is just going to have to abide by your wishes...you've adjusted to it, worked your way thru it and it has to be very unsettling for some strangers to decide to stir the pot for whatever their reasons. It's impossible to miss something you never had...people have trouble getting that when "they" have a different agenda.

We mellow with age but we don't turn into something we've never been...at least most people don't...we evolve thru what we have experienced in our lives...both present and past.

Do your children have curiousity about their grandparents relatives?

I think you are feeling the right things...including anger. (((Lara)))

Alffe said: Do your children have curiousity about their grandparents relatives?

No. My daughter has always asked more questions about my parents than her brother has, but she's never taken it any further than that. She said yesterday that she couldn't understand why they would persist in trying to contact me after all this time. That's what she couldn't understand either. We're very close and we talk. They know about my father's family history and she's always shown interest in geneology of the family name and all that, but has never expressed any interest in my mother's side of the family. I guess that's because we don't know any of it. lol If she wants to for some reason in the future, that's up to her. My son (autism spectrum) doesn't really contemplate history at all. He lives in a different time and place. His world is in the instant... the here and now. Not the past and not the future. That's just the way he is although he has taken to making plans which is something he's never done before. Great step forward for him I see. Helps me not worry about him quite so much in the future when I'm not around.

Thanks for you reply. I always find it difficult talking about "me". It just has helped today to clarify my thoughts a lot. Thankyou.

Dear Lara... you, too, are tall and beautiful. I can say that with conviction and truth because I know it to be a fact. I imagine that you may look very much like your mother.

Hold on strong to the steps you have taken to take care of yourself and your children.

I will never forgot the strength I saw in you when I first met you... both here and in real life. Although you may not feel this - I have admired and gathered personal strength from knowing you. I will always treasure our bond.

I think that perhaps these family members are curious. You are a part of something they lost - your mother. That being said... they were not there for you when you needed them most. Perhaps they are young (your age) and had no responsiblity at the time but if they are your mothers age then I say shame on them... where were they when you needed them most? Perhaps they are wanting to explain and ask your forgiveness.... you may feel this curiousity and wonder, too...

I trust that you will make the decision that is right for you.

I am so pleased to hear that your son and daughter are doing well as can be at this time.

My love to you and yours xooxxoo from Addy