Manda-don't be a "good patient" or even "patient". Call the doctor's office several times a day. Tell them your Grandmas Sue said you need to see the doctor now. Keep posting-we will help you wait.

i hope for forgiveness one day. i'm not so selfish that i don't care about other people's forgiveness. i hope one day this is communicated to everyone in my past.

You can ask them and if they understand, they will forgive. If they don't or won't or can't understand, then that is OK-it is not on your shoulders.

Is there a chance that ppl forgive years from now? Is there a chance that even if they do, I'll never know. I wish they knew how much it would mean to me to actually HEAR it

I agree with Alfie. This guy you were with has some serious honesty and character problems. These are NOT your problems, they're HIS. He doesn't have to realize that you are a good person for you to be one. You are recognized as a good person of strength and character by NT members. You will find someone much more worthy of you, and these memories will fade. I understand your depression and have suffered with it all my life. I also understand the loss of a significant relationship. In your case, however, this had nothing to do with you and everything to do with your ex-bf's problems. I Care about you and am following your postings. billie

I know what it feels like to sense that family is abandoning you. That doesn't always mean that they are, though. I talk to my family only about inconsequential things, because my father's age and my brother's busyness do not allow them to think about my real problems. Due to isolation, I do not have the friends that you seem to have. You have MANY, MANY FRIENDS here at NT. Your future will see improvement in all your circumstances. Caring about you - billie

taken me awhile to write back. thanks for the words billie. i'm trying to remember that it's HIS problem and not mine....it's hard, but i try to remind myself every day i appreciate your empathy. it's nice to feel like someone else understands. i don't feel as alone.

i've had a rough week. there's too much to write. there has been a very unexpected death in the family which has crippled everyone it seems. unfortunately i'm not in the same city as the rest of my family, but am driving home tonight at 11pm. when unexpected deaths happen, i can only think about all the people i have unresolved issues. i have apologized to all these people, so i guess i've done my part. i just wish they'd accept the apology and not have things on bad terms....death always makes me think about these things and all the bad terms....and how unnecessary they are. but i guess i can't force someone else to realize that, as long as i realize it for myself, right? i've done my part.

this song is very fitting for the moment: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/benha...easebleed.html

the lyrics are very fitting for what i'm going through and how i feel that everyone around me (NT excluded) seems so hard...like stones. it makes me cry every time i read/hear it. but i can't stop reading/listening to it.

i have a job interview on monday. i'm very nervous. it's in my old city. i can't find work anywhere else and my current job is just a term til the end of Sept. we'll see how it goes. i get scared of change, but i force myself to embrace it as it normally goes well.

love you all. hope everything is going well with all of you.

manda

manda
put all your hope in God,,He will help you

1st peter 5:6-11 proverbs 3:5-6 and psalms 41:1-4 you are in my prayers tonite

Good luck on your interview Manda. I'm pulling for you.