Is it wrong to disconnect from my friends? Even the good ones? I just feel like no one is helping me. Even if they're TRYING to understand, it makes me uncomfortable to be around people right now. I think it's because I KNOW they don't understand, because I don't even understand. Is it wrong to practice a bit of distance? I will keep posting here. I just need a break from constant words entering my head from voices all day long.

Thank you for all the responses.

You have all given me something to think about. I will try and focus on how much I enjoyed my first day at work. It really was great. I will try to embrace leaving toxic people from my life behind. I have had the opportunity to move to this new city and start over. Please help me stay on track with how great starting over is. How now I can start to become comfortable in my own skin....I think this is why I'm finding it tough to be from around bad AND good people from my past. I can feel a new identity coming out in me (and right now, it's bad because it's based around OCD). But now I need the time to understand this new identity on my own and see how I can form it in a way that works for me. That being said, now is it wrong to distance myself?

Manda
it is obvious he isnt thinking, caring or worrying about you that much at all yet you seem to be held hostage by him worrying
caring and thinking of him. Honey you need to try hard hard hard to think of you and care for you. you are the most important person in your life. You really dont need someone so sneaky and uncaring around you. because having people like that around makes it twice as hard to be true to yourself and caring about yourself .
Blue is right go to the 40 steps post you shared and concentrate on some of those listed.
and I know at least one good thing you did today...started a new job and met some nice people and came and shared with us here.... thats 3 can you get 5 things??? I bet you can!
Should take a bath and try to rest cus tomorrow is a new day with new things and I hope those new things are great things .
sending positive vibs courage strength and some serenity .
keep talking ... my best closest pal says many words make well. and I think she is write (right).
hope you can calm your nerves and get some rest. if not can message me or post here. Also we have a sleepless thread up top of this forum in the social chat to pass the restless nights.

PEACE
BMW

Thank you BMW. It's so ridiculous. Right now, I want to ask you "so does he still have feelings for me?" BUT...that is NOT the issue. He was a jerk to me. Who cares if he has feelings for me? I just need to repeat and repeat....I have such a flawed way of thinking. I want everyone to love me (not just romantically). I want everyone to like me. I want to be everyone's best friend. I never want to step on toes.

But, I'm realizing that not everyone is like that. So people disappoint me rather easily because I have such high expectations for myself, I automatically have such high expectations of every one around me.

I need to change my mindset

baby steps ! make a list of 5 things or ways you want to change
and we will help

1. i don't want to mention that jerk's name anymore
2. i don't want to be connected to insignificant people through things like facebook.
3. i don't want to be sad when my friends don't call me or text me
4. i won't continue texting people that don't text me back in my time of need
5. i will make a point to keep you guys in the loop about GOOD things too, not just bad

i apologize for the swears guys, that was disrespectful on my part

Personally, I think is ok if you "disconnect" from the world some days... Like Axl Rose say, everybody needs some time on their own, so, take yours... Once again, the ones that love you will understand you are not being rude, weird or anything like but that you simply need time

It is honestly fine to disconnect or take a "break" from others. I do it and many others do also. sometimes when I have to much going on or I am feeling like..overwhelmed I take a break from posting and just go into lurk mode here. Blue is right and she is also right that the people who care do and will understand.

now I have to apologize as last night it was getting late almost midnight and i had to get some sleep so as i can not be tired at work today so I hit my happy chair and went to sleep after reading your list.

so you have at least 5 things you want to change/work on .great. now it is still baby steps.
number 2 - dont want to be connected to insignificant people
thats a hard one because no matter where you are or go there is going to be those types of people and the best thing to do is not be so friendly when you find out they are like that. you can also "de-friend" people .I have done this on facebook. they do not know you de friended them like there is no notification they get or anything. they just stop getting feed about you .

some of the things you have like not feeling sad when friends dont call well that is a natural reaction and it is like impossible to stop a thing that is natural reaction. it is right to feel sad it shows you are human and caring and have a soul inside. ...thats my opinion any how. let the feelings come and then learn to let them go also. say to yourself okay this hurts cus I care and then tell yourself thats it I am not wasting time dwelling on this I deserve better and I am moving on. I am going to grow make new friends . better friends. and by the way as you are doing this ...growing and letting go of dwelling on those that hurt you well you are becoming a better person inside you are learning how to be a better friend and person. I know that sounds silly but it is true.

now I know you might get upset but I am going to ask you of those 5 things you listed pick 1 that you want to work on.
take your time and find the one that bothers you the most.

I know other family members will be along to help and suggest things too. perhaps there is another way to help but please know this we are all here for you Manda and we do care. You are a great person and soon you are going to shine like a bright star.
I will check back after work and please have a nice day today let us know how things go and how you are feeling the good and bad and the funny
hugs to you
PEACE
BMW

...which I have done on many occasion. Even with my best friend...when my sister was dying from breast cancer...and on and on.

I have pulled away from people many times because I just couldn't deal anymore with what they were going through and needing from me. I can get taxed to the very core and then I pull fast...go on cruise control...put up that shield of self-preservation.

Even people who love you with all of their hearts sometimes need to step back and take a respite from the pain.

I'm not sure how old you are but if you are a young lady, give yourself time to find a 'boyfriend'. If a man loves and wants you in his life, well then he will do just that...love you and be in your life.

It sounds to me like it's really important for you right now to find a therapist that you DO like and keep going and going and goin and talking. I personally prefer a woman counsellor but then, I lucked out the first time I went. I asked for a woman counsellor my age and got a true gem. She helped me SO much! I still go to her for tuneups.

Please continue to work with the meds and do talk therapy. Meditate, pray for help. I occasionally have been known to do exactly what Ms. Alffe has said from time to time....I literally fall to my knees and beg for help...to whoever is out there listening, guardian angels and all! Usually that is when I am on the edge of losing it as you have been.