My DH retired early too and now, I am soooo glad, because he was gone, in less than 4 years..


Make it fun..

You all have given me many things to ponder over. I love my husband, in a weird way but still I love him. I do not believe in divorce unless of course he was beating me or some terrible thing like that. He has never cheated on me, never complains if I want to go shopping. Maybe because I never want tog o shopping. I'm to fat and don't like to shop for clothes. I don't think he realizes that retirement comes with different emotions from both spouses. I tried to talk to him today that we will both have to work on communications skills and maybe both have some changes. He just said he is to old to change his way! So I know I'm in for some fierce weather here. I don't want to threaten to either have him or me move out. We married for the long haul. He told me that our vows said in sickness and health and that includes my MS.

I did ask him today if I needed to give him a doctors excuse for my forgetfulness. He does have problems with that!

Wah Wah Wah!!! I Wanna retire!!!

I don't know why. I'd just die.

When my wife and I got married some 22 years ago, we said - age 54. That's it. Well, that's coming up pretty fast. I don't think it's gonna happen, and there's really no reason for it to happen. I guess this shouldn't bother me. I've had MS for all but 2 days of this period and I really am happy that I've been able to live a normal life (getting married caused my MS...).

Tom

Well Tom, 22 yrs ago 54 probably sounded pretty old. And now, not so much, huh?



Personally I hope my dh never retires. It was hard enough when he was only working 40 hrs, he was home TOOOOO much, in my way, I could not get anything done. It was like babysitting 80 hrs a week.

I actually kind of enjoy that he's a few states away, kind of sad, but you know...



I can watch what I want - and hear it, nobody saying how stupid that is. Nobody comments on what I eat, what I wear, what I do or don't do. I get tired of how he complains about what time it is (no matter what time it is) and complains every time the phone rings - and it's always for him.

He rants to me about what the kids are doing, but will not tell them. ugh...

I guess there's a ton of stuff that drives him nuts about me too though.

My h usband retired early due to disability so I think I can comment.

For us, the beginning was fine then the novelty of having each other around wore off - and quickly in my opinion. I could no longer vacuum correctly, cook my specialties right (thanks to his mother and FoodNetwork shows!), shop for groceries properly (huh?), etc etc etc.

I bit**d, whined, complained and turned a deaf ear as long as I could. Finally I was vacuuming (making the wrong pattern of stripes!!!) so I yanked out the cord and marched off down the street. That worked for a week or so.

While cooking Thankgiving dinner for 20 he kept hovering over me telling me that is not the way so and so says to do it, you are doing it wrong, etc. Picture the turkey pulled out, mid basting, stove top a bubbling, etc. I am talking right smack in the midst of that crazy period we all get into to where everything needs doing all at the same time... I told him "Since you can do it sooo much better, please be my guest" I then marched into the living room, whipped out the newspaper, turned on the TV and sat on my royal bum till he dinner was brought to the table. I njoyed y time with company chatting away. All the older wives would not let me move an inch saying "All husbands have to learn sometime!"

We now just do what needs to be done, avoiding either of us thinking one is the boss over the other. For us (most of the time) life is good. We just needed to learn how to live 24/7 with each other. I think we have become even closer after 20 years of marriage and 10+ in retirement.

I hope I can sound off here too. I am not married but the fiancé and I have lived together for 10+ years and he is the one who is retired on disability.

At the start we were both working 4 jobs (by choice!) and we rarely clashed. The he got sick and was home all the time.
Then he started messing things up and not cleaning up afterward, which led to the DSD thinking she could do the same. They expected me to clean it or for it to clean itself, I guess. I tried to be nice, truly I did...until I exploded. It didn't work. He didn't clean, she didn't clean, so I stopped cleaning. I kept one room clean and lovely, and that was my sanctuary and no one was allowed in it but me. I even took my meals in there for a few weeks! They finally figured it out and started picking up after themselves. It wasn't perfect but at least they made an attempt regularly.

After the DSD went to college, I let him know that I would not live like that anymore. He started picking up the slack. Now he cooks almost all the meals, he cleans the bathroom, he vacuums, loads and unloads the dishwasher, he takes care of the firewood and feeding the wood stove, and does most of the yard work. I do all the laundry, shopping, and the jobs he doesn't realize need doing, but all I have to do is ask and he helps.

I figure he's home all the time and I still work (although it's only one job now, it's odd hours and lengthy shifts with OT) so he can do the majority of the housework! I don't criticize his work and he doesn't criticize mine. I no longer go behind him and do it "my way". It's not worth the time, effort and fighting. We're actually almost to the bottom of the pile that clogged the house for years.

You learn a "new way" of doing things and let go of the "old way" and hopefully it all works out. When there's strife, you try to discuss it without being accusatory or overbearing, and when it doesn't work, you ask yourself: "in the big picture is this REALLY worth fighting about?" and for me, usually the answer now is no, and I hire someone to do it, and that drives him nuts so he does it from then on!

PS: Television in two different rooms helps too!

A deffinate must!!!

Think your stressed now? Just wait until he's home every day. Ha, ha, just kidding. It'll all work out and eventually you'll find so many wonderful reasons that he is home with you. I know I've had to make changes since my DH changed his job a few years ago and is home quite a bit with me now. Most days it's great but I do miss my "me" time. So one day I'm annoyed that he's home but the next day when he's either sleeping (because he worked overnight) or is at work, I miss him and wish he was home. I wish you and your DH the best during this transition into his retirement.

in other words what we are all essentially saying is:

just like having MS, being retired means you will both find your "new normal"

The sanctuary idea really sounds like a winner. We all need our own space. If I could just run off and collect myself I could deal with anything or anybody, lol.

Thanks, RW!