OMG! can you imagine if you had to raise yourself?! I would not have wanted my own mothers job. With my out of control sis, my bully brothers, and myself in tow...NO NO NO! I am not sure I would have handled it with as much grace and dignity as she did. Poor woman.

Part of living and growing up includes making poor choices, and hopefully learning from them. My life sure has included plenty of poor choices.

That said in my family we are pretty frank and if one of us acts like a fool someone will call you on it. Its not uncommon to be like "Are you freaking kidding me? What were you thinking" and then we move on. I enjoy the fact that we aren't artifically polite and we know the love doesn't waiver.

I am TOTALLY with Sally on this. Did this person tell you but not confront your son about whatever it is?

my guess is that telling you was a whole lot easier (and underhanded) than going to your son.

Did telling you do anything positive?

Listen to Sally, she has it right.

Okay, you two. Yes, the person that told me did speak to DS and told him what they thought. I'm hoping it's weighing on his mind tonight and he changes his thought process on this. He's more apt to listen to them than to me. I mean, I'm "Mom".......what do I know?

I am probably totally wrong, but I have been playing this scenario out in my wild imagination since yesterday . I hope you feel much, much better today, hon .

I see you were awake really late, K. I hope you get some sleep.

Hi Kitty,

I am intentionally not reading any responses after your original post so as not to muddy the waters and affecting my response.

You situation is not unusual and you identified a correct "diagnosis" within your post in saying, "... he's 24 and not a child anymore. He's an adult and able to make his own decisions without Mom butting in or voicing her opinions (especially if I haven't been asked)."

There is a point we cease to have the freedom of overt parenting and must simply watch our children make bad decisions and learn by dealing with the consequences. We are obligated to be fair and up front when we are "asked out opinion or for advice." At which time should you decide not to voice your feeling with him, you may be performing a disservice to him even as a friend.

We never stop being their mom or dad, rather we move on in our relationship by being solid friends and are there when needed providing insight only when asked.

Sounds to me like you are one heck of a good mom, yet not immune to the pain of watching our children learn and grow through their own actions. For us parents, one of the hardest parts it to stand by and watch, knowing full well the consequences coming down the road.

So to keep those who are curious from coming to your own conclusions here's the "disappointment" I was referring to in my first post. I know that my own imagination, if left to itself, can come up with some mighty wild conclusions.

My youngest son is planning to get a full sleeve tattoo. His whole arm! Not going to start out with a small one in an inconspicious place in case he doesn't like it. No.....his entire arm! The money to pay for this is from a quarterly bonus he got from work. He earned the money. He should be able to do with it what he wants. I just cannot help but think that this bonus would more than pay for my rent for the month! Not that he is responsible for paying my bills......but he knows that I struggle and an offer would have been nice. I would have said "no" but just the fact that he even thought about it would have made me happy. This is such a selfish "want", in my opinion. I thought I taught him better than this.

My oldest son told me about this. He has a small tattoo on his upper arm that doesn't show unless he goes shirtless. He told his brother that he really thinks he should start small. He's not one to "preach" to his brother and I wish he had said more to him but what he did tell him was probably enough. I asked him to talk to him about it more when they spoke the next time and he promised he would. Younger DS tends to listen more when older DS talks to him.

I'm not against tattoos.......just would not ever get one myself. Mainly because I know they hurt! And it's just not within my personality to get one. I know this may seem mild compared to some of the things some parents contend with and I'm aware of that. I'm just itching to tell him that 15 years down the road he's going to probably regret this and wish he could wear a short sleeved shirt without people assuming he's part of a motorcycle gang.

Somehow I feel partly responsible for this because I feel like the past ten years my kids have been shouldering the "burden" of trying to make sure I'm okay (due to DH's death) and then due to my dx of MS. Neither of which I could have done anything about but I still feel guilty because of it. I feel like he's finally feeling like he can break free and live his own life and this is just a result of that. Plus, his girlfriend has one on her back and I think she's influencing his decision. If he'd just wait 6 months and then, if he still wants it, then do it I'd feel somewhat better about it.

Okay, anyone who is still reading I want to thank you. I didn't mean to ramble on so about this. On one hand I want to tell myself "shut up and count your blessings that he's not taking drugs or doing something else illegal". On the other hand I want to tell him "please just wait a while and see if you still want this as badly then". It's alot of money to spend so foolishly. But that's my opinion and I wasn't asked for my opinion. So I'm keeping my mouth shut.....hard as it may be.

Thanks for all the support....ya'll are wonderful people.

Thanks for that explanation. I like others here had many thoughts as to what it could be.

In a nutshell this looks like a "guy thing".....

I think for Moms...we tend to think our boys will keep our beliefs and habits learned at home. I believed this at one time. Silly me!!!!
But alas, the "man thing" starts up and then well, Men ARE from MARS .... LOL

Many things going thru my son's brain these days are just alien to me. But we did have a good time on vacation. He broached some problems which seem mighty significant to me, but he seems to be handling them better than last year. He is 30 now....How DID that happen?

OH! there is a girlie involved! hehee...men will do silly, crazy, wild dangerous, and expensive things to attract a mate. They shave their heads, they buy diamonds the size of their pinky fingers, they rev their cars at stop lights, and work hard to attract and thrill thier potential mates. If you are not of that age, and thrilled by those things, you simply stand by and shake your head.

My son takes wonderful vehicles that are in great running condition and perfect mechanically because he fixed them, and takes them THRU the back woods, with axel deep mud, and dangers, to impress his girlie. Comes home covered in mud, cant see out the windsheild pumped up so full of testosterone that he can hardly walk straight from his escapes into the world of cave man style mate selection. The gas he wasted! The time he will have to spend now cleaning that machine (he doesnt want to clean it, its a badge of honor!) and lets not even get into what an insurance risk he is putting up! (can you hear the grown up in me?!) I almost cried the first time he came home with a tatoo on his precious little arm. its the chinese symbol for Fire! he wanted at the time to be a fireman, and worked hard on the local rescue squad. Now that he is grown, and doesnt work on a squad, he looks down and realizes how out of place it looks. but that didnt stop him from getting a band around the other arm that says 4x4 all the way around, for mudding in the woods!

The best you can do is speak to him. Let him know you have "heard it thru the grapevine" and while you cant help but have your own opinion about it, that you hope he will slow down a minute. Think about how many other toys that money would buy. Think about how many other girlies may or may not want a man who is "sleeved out" Tell him you love him either way, and let him go. Soooo much easier said than done, but you have done a great job! He wont learn how to walk if you dont let him scrape a knee, or decorate his arm. ((hugs))

UGH!! A full sleeve??!! What on earth is he thinking? Maybe your older son can talk him into getting a smaller one somewhere that is easily hidden. He lives in Georgia for goodness sake! It's gonna be hot as hades and someday he WILL want to hide it if only for work purposes.

I'm sure he hasn't told you this yet because he knows deep down that it might be a mistake and a waste of money. I have a tattoo that I got when I was 20 and believe me, I wish I could erase it now .

Kids. What can we do but hope they think for a while before they do this type of thing. He does still live with you (at least part of the time) so I understand why this would bother you so much. He could be paying a portion of the rent instead. Don't feel guilty, K. None of what has happened in your lives is your fault. Remember that they are grown now and you have done everything possible to make their lives easier.