He's about completely moved in with his girlfriend. She bought a house last year - he helped renovate it - so I guess he feels like part of it is his. He still has some of his bedroom furniture here but for the most part he lives with her. It's been almost a week since I've seen him.

Maybe I cover up and minimize how much I struggle physically. I really don't want either of my boys to worry and fret over me. They've had enough to deal with in life that's not their fault. I don't want to be a burden in their lives. I want them to live their life and enjoy it. But, on the other hand, I want them to worry about me - at least a little. Older DS does....sometimes too much....but younger DS seems oblivious to it. I hate being so wishy-washy. I need to stop thinking about myself so much and just realize that my boys are adults and have the right to live their life the way they want to. Oldest DS does not strain my "worry muscle" like youngest DS does. He's very mature for his age. He's promised to speak to him about this. I even told him to use the "Mom guilt" card if he has to!

This too shall pass................

Well not to minimize but as a young person without children to support I don't think a "selfish want" is out of line and it is very possible that he has thought about if for the past six months. Both his brother and gf have one so I wouldn't blame her for it.

I do get it and the truth is I still feel slighted that my mother, who doesn't have unlimited resources, purchased another young horse that I will likely be responsible for caring for when she passes away. Although I'm a grown woman I felt as if she was being selfish for not thinking about what my future financial needs may be and yet when I think about it rationally it is ridiculous and I'm the one being selfish. No one is responsible for caring for me but me.

Jules, I do agree with you and I'm not blaming the GF for this. I really love her and think she has a good head on her shoulders. And I'm not against tattoos, either. I really don't like them plastered all over someone but one in an out of the way place seems okay. I'd never get one anywhere.....so I'm sure that is clouding my opinion.

I'm much less upset about it today and I'm very glad oldest DS told me about it. At least this way, when and if younger DS decides to bring it up to me, I won't have a knee-jerk reaction to it and I've had some time to formulate a response that won't shut him down completely.

I think my biggest problem.....and it is my problem.....is that I still view them as "kids" and not the "men" that they are. Do we ever see our own children as adults??

This is a great way of looking at it and I agree it is better you have had some time to process it and put it in perspective.

FWIW I think sleeves are pretty cool and if I were to get a tat that would be it also. Back in the day when girls got them it was something silly on their shoulder so I just never bothered and now I'm just too stinking old, lol. Go big or go home is my motto.

I don't know if we ever see our kids as adults either. It is frustrating! I wonder if when they are 40, will I still look at them like children??

There ARE health consequences of large tattoos:

Problems with MRI machines for one.

The information on this site will help you Kitty in any future discussions.

http://www.fda.gov/ForConsumers/Cons.../ucm048919.htm

I think the source of the inks, is rather scary myself!

My dad (along with virtually every other military man of his time) had a tattoo, navy-type, maybe 3X2" on his upper arm. Back then there was no stigma attached to tattoos, at least not that type.

For the bigger part of my life, though, tattoos had an undertone of "bad". No "respectable" woman had a tattoo. To a great extent, tats meant hooker, ex-con, circus act, or gang member. At least that was the vibe.

I'm smart enough to know that I'm way behind the times on this issue. Nice people have tattoos. People I wouldn't have guessed have tattoos. My son has one (itty bitty). My GRANDdaughter has one (we won't get into that). I wouldn't be surprised if my daughter did, but she's bright enough not to tell me.

They're just so...permanent.

Well, Kel. I know how hard this is.

I remember when my boys were in high school. Their dad had died two years earlier. They both wanted tatoos. One with the date of his death and the other wanted his initials.

Well, they both bugged me it seems like forever. I gave in. I think to them it was like I was still fighting with their dad....sad but true.

At least they were able to be covered up. They are 22 and almost 20 and they both have thanked me recently for letting them do it. I dont THINk it will be something they regret someday and come back and bite me.

Its so hard to let them grow up and make not so great decisions but I am
in awe of your wonderful boys and the job you have done.

Kitty. Yep our boys will never be adults to us...until the day you look and you see a little gray hair or baldness! Then you realize ...oh yeah!!

I knew immediately when I read your first post that it had to be a tat. That is the one thing they "hide" from mom until it's done. At this point, if it were my son, I'd tease him about it before it's done and just remind him to make sure the tattooist uses the most up to date cleanliness practices.

I also commend your oldest DS for ratting him out! He knows you well enough to know your shock when you first see it...so he prepared you. Shows he's paying attention more than you think.

I take it all back about the tattle tale stuff. I didn't know is was your DS who informed you. That is completely different.

I hope DS 24 grows up a little and gets something a little smaller and with the bonus money, buys you that juicer you want and need!!!