Tell your DH about the call. And that YOU will NOT be going to the party. And that if he wants to do something nice for you, take you out for that lobster dinner. Just the 2 of you.

I have to ask.....

Do you have a caller ID on your phone?

I would NOT answer any calls from this destructive, manipulative person. Just let it ring!

Is this "party" supposed to be in YOUR home?

If so..... Some party?

Is your hubby a party animal? I'd clear this up for the future.
and tactfully ask that this activity would cause you more pain and stress than a nice intimate dinner with him. Aussiemom's
comment is spot on IMO.

Obviously your neighbor is a problematic. I'd be sure not to answer any calls from her EVER!

I would have to say....Mrs. D has the best solution.

This would not be an enjoyable 50th; especially with "you know who" there !!!!

Faking it would be too stressful.

Mrs. D....couldn't agree more with your response.

Yes, I was thinking of not hurting your DH, but doesn't he already know how you feel about her? I think Aussie and Mrs. D are right.....You should probably tell him.

Thank you for all the great advice.

#1 I have caller ID & i have HER # on a special ring, so I know without looking its their # calling. I NEVER answer it. I let it go to voice mail.

#2 I took them a card last year of a woman who does dog sitting/house sitting/baby sitting/errands, lawn care, and so forth. She CHARGES for these services, but she is reliable, friendly, sweet, and bends her schedule for fussy clients. They have stopped calling me after finally getting the hint that NO! I wont watch/walk dogs, watch, fix houses, or do other errands for you. I dont do my own errands, why would I do yours?

#3 DH is so sweet, and its so rare that he gets a chance to give back. I am going to allow the surprise to continue and not clue him in. I wont allow her to ruin HIS hard work. I will go, I will act surprised, and I will be glad to see old friends, and family that i havent seen in a while. its only one night, and how often do you turn 50? I can be selfish everyday, but this is my chance to let DH give back and feel good.

#4 I have made it clear to stop waving when they drive by. When they drop in uninvited i make it clear that I am having a "bad day" and ask them to come back another time. or "im really busy right now, we will have to get together later." I dont give in anymore.

#5 toxic people are NOT allowed in my life. If DH wishes to be friends with her husband, so be it, but he has already been told I will NOT be included. They can fish, hunt, eat pizza, or go to home depot and do projects till the cows come home, but I am NOT ever to be included...got it? If I am not willing to allow it from my blood relatives, why would I allow it from neighbors?

So...there ya have it. im upset, and shocked, but I am going to be a big girl and not spoil DHs fun. He would run a mile naked across hot coals if he thought it would make me happy. To ruin it would only serve to hurt him. she would never ever learn a lesson or feel she did something wrong.

Dej,
Your number 3 is so right. DH is doing what he thinks right. She is not in this equation. Enjoy your day and your party. (I'd like to be 50 again! )

Good for you! Good decisions!

Is there a chance she knows how you feel about her, and spoiled your surprise because of it?

You have to live around her for part of the year so whatever makes it easier for you.......but I have to ask. If DH knows how you feel about this woman why on earth would he enlist her help with this?

Good question?????

This woman knew exactly what she did and is enjoying every moment of it and then some.

YIKES...very nasty person; although I would imagine she is quite proud of herself.

cause he is a man. duh! he rifled thru my address book, got no where. my BFF lives in alabama. got no where. my close friends live in Connecticut, got no where. he thought im sure that since she is a woman, and kinda knows some of the same women I hang out with...he was just trying to be sweet, and he picked the wrong horse.

Do i think she did it on purpose...hmm...part of me knows she is capable of such bad behavior, but I am going to think the best and say it was a mistake, and hope she feels badly for spilling the beans. I am not going to bring it up, and i may go as far as to not show her she spilled the beans. I may play dumb and not let her win.

we normally stay far far away, so I too was surprised to hear he asked advice. it may have been in passing when he was out on a walk. he may have invited her, and she took it upon herself. he may have made a comment and she read into it, who knows! i am going to think the best, and be thankful that my DH is going to such trouble, when I know for a fact he is not very good at this stuff, and is in way over his head.

Will let you know.