Tomorrow I have a hearing before the review board. I've often wondered if the question from any judge has ever been, How do we cope?

It is a tough question to answer, but I really thought about it today and I found no easy answer. We cope as individuals to the best of our ability. One might manage to cope through pride, refusing to give in, refusing to use a cane or scooter. One might deny that one's body is becoming more uncontrollable and doing everything to work against a person. How we cope depends on one's character for the most part. Stop and think about your character, some people are stronger emotionally, more determined. This is not to put some one less so in a defensive position.

I was raised in a family with two older brothers, I had to adapt to a neighbor hood of boys. Therefore I had to be as strong, as determined as they that I would not let them get the best of me. My family has always been hard working, determined to make the best of any situation, therefore, I was taught to get through life no matter what life threw into my path, good or bad. I'm not the only person to whom this has been taught, and its not to say others taught are now in a position where they feel the need to give up.

A chronic illness of any kind is devastating to an individual and to those around. I might spend three or more days in bed, not so much because I want, but because I have no choice. Are there days I might could be up doing more, I'm sure there are, but I feel that if I push too hard, the payback is not worth the reward of accomplishment.

So, back to the question of how do we cope? We cope as we know how and no one should be judge accordingly or made to feel less than they are. Even if they could do more, that is not the important issue. The important issue is that each individual ask themselves: Why do I feel quilty? Is it because I could do more, but will not because of the consequences. Then why do you even ask the question of quilt. I often feel as if I should do more...but I have come to this conclusion.

If you feel that it should get done...do it yourself or shut up!! lol The energy I have I want to spend doing something good for a change. Those dishes are not going anywhere, the laundry will not jump up and run off. If people come to see me to see my house...stay home! If they are coming to see me, they will not care about my house!

So, I guess the answer is we cope best we can with what we have. We can't give up, nor give in...it is what it is and we must relish our good days and do our best through the bad ones. Sometimes the bad are more often than the good, but then maybe that makes us appreciate the good ones more.

Ok, I must plan my strategy for tomorrow and make sure I have what I need:
Amaretto, ink pen, cane, lol (this refers to another post btw)

Remember to do something good for you...don't make me tell you twice!!

Momma Sez...
I asked a judge what he had under his robe, he answered nothing.
I said, no wonder your wife is looking for another man. lol

You were SO RIGHT ON when you said "We cope as we know how and no one should judge". As long as we are not coping at someone else's expense, or in a knowingly hurtful way, then each has to find his/her way through the mire.

Some days I cope with determination and grit (with the Lord's help) and just decide to push on through.

Some days I cope by temporarily "running away", though not always literally. I just need a break, an escape from it all.

Like you, I know that there are things I "could" do, but it's not worth the trade-off to me.

I am my own worst judge sometimes, and believe me, the competition is fierce.

Glad to see you posting. Keep it up!

I hear ya. 4 big brothers and a mother who could take anything but whining here. Ask her, she'll tell you, she'd kick you right in the butt if you whined.



I never felt like I *had* to keep up with the boys, but rather that I wanted to, that I could.

Losing abilities has been hard for me because of that - because I can't keep up with anyone anymore. Not even my mom.



It's a tough call at times, when to push on and when to rest and recover. I have learned not to let other people define me though. Not to let their expectations make me feel guilty.

I'm still working on not defining myself too strictly. It's good to be flexible, after all, and it allows me to be a little more sometimes than I otherwise might have been. It's not always about being or doing less.


Dh asked one time why it seemed if I really wanted to do something, I could do it - and if I didn't want to, maybe I'd say I couldn't do it.

Sometimes I can do things, sometimes I can't. I told him. But if I have to pick, why not do the stuff I want?


I can't do it all.

Maybe that's how I cope, picking what gets done, not getting it all done all the time.

Good Luck tomorrow Momma!! I'll be thinking about you!!!

3 older brother and 2 older male cousin's across the street - I hear ya. Only girls for miles! I played marbles and baseball with the best of them. Could kick a few butt when I needed to also!

Good Luck tomorrow Momma - I will be cheering you on from here!

Thank you, I really needed a reminder today....

Good luck tomorrow Momma! Please let us know how things go. If the judge gives ya trouble, call me and I'll make sure he aint got nuthin' left under that robe! ;-)

Good luck today.
I hope the review isn't too taxing and that it goes in your favor.

Do they make you wait long for a decision?

Thank you for the well wishes today. I would gladly except a decision today, but I think it will take a few weeks...about 4 to be exact.

Today I feel like that Mack truck ran over me again...when I catch up with that rapscallion...he's gonna know how I feel.

My biggest fear for today...IBS or worse!! lol I never know when it will attack...but then...I can always say, "Judge this another reason working impedes getting the job done. I stay in the bathroom more than a desk!"
LOL

OMG Momma.....I got on here to tell you about a dream I had last night.....I had read your thread starter last night just beflore I went to bed. With sleepy eyes I couldnt read the rest....I guess I fell asleep with you and your "day ahead " on my mind.
I saw you in a court room. I saw the judge in his robe on his "throne"
There were several of "us" friends of yours in the chairs behind you.
About every 5 minuites one of us would have to get up and hobble to the bathroom. Then they called you to speak for yourself. You simply looked back at us.....mentioned the canes, scooters, hobbling, door slamming , said they ALL have MS....you asked us...How many of you have had to get up during this hearing , leave the room and use the restroom due to control issues? WE ALL STOOD UP...You looked back at the Judge, nodded your head at him and said " You see how this disease is not in our control and how we cope? We do what we HAVE to do.....Now if you would please excuse me I have an IBS sx to deal with"......and left the court room.....we all (taking several minutes) stood....clapped our hands and followed you out....while the judge stood and clapped his hands to us all!!!!!

Then you got on sometime this morning and typed about that....I was laughing so hard when I read your post..........

I guess I feel like the only way the world totally gets it about this disease is by example!!!!!!
Go show them a thing or two Momma.....we got your back......

Good luck today.

Thank you for another wonderful insight. My hubby himself tells me I'm my own worst enemy as far as guilt goes. I'm learning slowly but surely what battles to pick.

Coping in my family has always been a combo of humor and plowing through. I'm from a long line of stubborn women, so that's where I get that from - LOL.