My DD turned 18 today. I am still in shock that she is a legal adult and furthermore can't believe that after 18 years, I have paid my VERY LAST child support payment. I get a letter in about two weeks from child support enforcement saying "obligation fulfilled, paid in full"

My first wife and I divorced before she was born so I have been paying for exactly 18 years.

I was born on Father Day 1969 and she was born on Fathers day 1990 so that is special for me. She DID NOT Call me on my birthday which (as you know) was fathers day this year and that hurt. I wish I had had a chance to be more of a part of her life but as many of you know, her mother did her best to keep me out of her life.

I wrote her a letter yesterday and put it in the mail and hope she READS it. It tells my advice on what to do and what not to do in life. Her mother has never insisted on ANY discopline (sp I know) in her life and that is very disappointing. I hope and pray for her daily and hope she takes my letter seriously.

She called me two weeks ago (for the first time in months) to ask me for money for her birthday so she could get her first tattoo. I didn't send her money. She wants one she can raise the money herself.

Anyway, this is quickly turning into a rant so I will simply end in this, Katy, I wish you a happy birthday as you enter adulthood and pray you get and stay on the right path.

Unfortunately some custodial parents lose sight of the fact that the other parent has not only 1/2 the financial responsibility, but also should have rights, and get respect.

I've seen some ugly things happen once parents split, and often one (or the other, or both) parent(s) are entirely unreasonable. There's sometimes way to much bad-talking going on about the other parent too, which I strongly disagree with no matter what the circumstances.

She didn't call you on your birthday/father's day because you wouldn't pay for her tattoo? Seems she's got a bit more growing up to do, even if she is officially an "adult" now.

GOOD ON YA for doing the right thing and paying faithfully though. I'm sure that WILL mean something to her one day, especially if she ever ends up in that situation herself.

BTW, don't you have to pay till they are 19 in the US? I think non-custodial parents do here in Canada (BC).

Cherie

I'm sorry things are strained between you now. Hopefully with time things will improve. You don't know what her Mother might have said about your support or lack there of. The truth is that without prompting from Mom many 18 year olds would miss Father's Day and birthdays. Not saying that it is right just that I understand how hurt you are but hope you can look beyond it.

I do hope that you picked a nice but appropriate gift and sent that for her birthday instead of a tatoo. Being 18 sure ain't easy.

It sounds to me as if you are happy that you no longer have any financial responsibility for your daughter. I did not realize that one's responsibilities as a parent ends when their child turns 18. If you have not been there for your daughter, why would she contact you on father's day? There is alot more to being a responsible parent than simply paying child support.

Of course, I do not know your situation, but your post sounds really bitter.

Well, let me break it down for you.

1989 - got married at 19 while not in my right mind

1990 - divorced due to physical and emotional abuse from wife. The night my divorce was finalized my ex and her mother took my daughter and drove across the country to Michigan to keep her from me. I didn't see her for 7 years!! I still paid my support
1997 - found ex and child, we "mended fences" and they moved to Washington where I lived with my current wife. They stole our identities and racked up $50K in credit card debt, judge let them off with a hand slap
1998, after convicting them of ID theft, ex and mother again ran off with daughter
2004 found daughter on myspace and re-established contact with her, flew her to AZ 3 times where she stole our money, alcohol, and other things from us.

I kept a journal her entire life where I entered my thoughts to her in it. Someday I will give it to her. She dropped out of high school at 15, doesn't want to get a job. smokes, drinks and has multiple piercings in her nose, lips (two) and navel. Her mother is basically not there and when I try to discopline her I get shot down.

I kept my support up the entire time even though for most of her life I was not able to see her.

I should have sued for custody but felt that even though her mother is not stable I didn't want to take her away from her. That was a conclusion I came to after many nights of prayer.

SO... I am glad she is an adult, I love her as a father does and hope she cleans up her act. She has NEVER sent me a fathers day card even though I bought her cards and gifts on every Christmas and Birthday (even though I still have most of them un-opened because I didn't know where she was) and I am basically left out, so I might be bitter but that wasn't the point to this post. The point is my little girl is 18 now and I hope she finds her way.

[/quote] Of course, I do not know your situation, but your post sounds really bitter.[/QUOTE]

well, now you do. don't judge me as it seems you just did.

It's so sad that you paid child support for a child you never had as a part of your life. It was very unfair to you. I hope she straightens her act up and makes something of her life. Maybe someday she will be a part of your life.

I am sorry. You are right! I judged you without knowing your situation. I just felt you were unfairly blaming your daughter for a situation that she had no control over. I hope she gets some help and does find her way.

Hey, not a problem, I could see why you replied the way you did, you didn't have the entire story. Thank you for the apology. no harm no foul.

Happy Birthday, Earl's DD18!

I know it is a bittersweet day for you Earl. I will keep you all in my prayers and pray that she finds her way in this world and gets her act together as well as back to you. Hang in there.

I'm very sorry about your situation. There are no good divorces. My Dad walked out on my Mum and all of us when I was a young child. We never heard or saw him again. We've been told he has a drinking problem and has married several times since he left us. Mum raised all of us on her own, and never bad mouthed my Dad. We just didn't know where he was. When we asked, we were told he didn't want to be with Mummy anymore.

Half of my friends came from broken families. I thought it was normal. I'd like to see my Dad one day, but in all honesty, I don't think he's thought about any of us in years and years. We were just a part of his life many, many years ago.

I was very bitter at one time. I suppose I was the most dissapointed when I was married, and had become a professional, and I didn't have two parents to share my joy and happiness with. One of my best friends in graduate school was a social worker student. We spent a lot of time together, and spoke about this a lot. She taught me so much, and I suppose one of the most important things she taught me was to be happy with myself and to move on without holding on to all the hostility I had. It was not going to bring my Dad back to me, and it certainly wasn't making me happy.

It took me several years, especially after I found out about the MS, but I do believe I've moved on, and if he were to appear on our doorstep one day out of the blue, I would welcome him in to my life as my Father. I do believe that "time heals all wounds", I hope it heals yours.

All the best,
Chris