Cherie,

Unfortunately, I think your friend might be out of luck. Whether or not the DNA test shows that he isn't the father doesn't mean he isn't the father legally. It's a legal fiction, but it's the law in many states--and is often codified in state statutes.

There is a legal theory known as "paternity by estoppel" that most likely will apply in this situation. It is also known as "equitable paternity." Googling either of those terms (with quotes) will produce a plethora of legal sites with case law and discussions about this theory.
http://www.google.com/search?q=pater...ient=firefox-a

If your friend held himself out to be the child's father and if he paid child support without getting a DNA test within a reasonable amount of time, he is probably going to be considered the child's father whether. BTW, that doesn't just apply to married couples either--it applies to unmarried couples.

That's just MY opinion, but there's plenty of case law in loads of states to back it up.

He should, of course, seek the advice of an attorney licensed to practice in his state.

Cherie --

Wow! No advice, but -- what a conundrum.

~ Faith

Boy, this is a tough one on so many levels..As far as the legal issue, I think Gazelle may be right, though each state is different in the details.
Is your friend sure he wants to go thru with this, though? Even if he was able to get the child support payments stopped, it sounds like this child is an important part of his and his family's life. "Mom" would probably make sure they had nothing more to do with the child, and that would be devastating as well. No easy answers here, I'm afraid. I hope he's able to work it out for the best.

Thanks everyone, for your comments and kind words.

I think he might have a leg to stand on in this case too, actually.

The relationship was for approx 2 yrs, but they did not live together until she became pregnant, and it lasted for about 6 months after the baby was born. There was considerable tension between he and his ex-g/f during the final months of their relationship, and following.

That ongoing animosity made things quite difficult for him to have opportunity to visit & bond with his "son", although he tried to maintain a relationship. Then, when his mom remarried, her demands became entirely unreasonable, and he ultimately just stopped seeing his son all together when he was about 4 yrs old.

His son has called his step-father “dad” for many years. He lives with his mother, step-dad and siblings. These are his "parents", although he is aware this man is not his biological dad.

The child contacted his dad (my friend) a few months ago, and asked to be adopted by his step-dad. Since my friend does not have a "fatherly" relationship with him anyway, and this guy does, he wondered if that might not be the best thing. He was torn.

He really has never been "dad", and had no idea he wasn't the father. I would think that would factor in.

Cherie

Something else to consider, and again, this is up to the family law court in the state, whose name is on the birth certificate as the father?

Gazelle makes some very good points.

Having been through this almost identical situation with my nephew, it is not going to be an easy situation no matter what. His mother died and no one ever did find out who his real father is.

I know what you mean. To be honest, he really didn't think the results would come out as they did.

I know his parents (Grandparents) will hurt. He's told his mom already, since she was involved in trying to get to the bottom of this anyway. She is very sad . . . but I think she would rather face it now then continue to be decieved.

If my friend had stayed in a relationship with the mom, and they made a family together . . . he wouldn't walk away even knowing this information. You grow to love the children you raise, and genetics doesn't matter to terribly much. That was not the case here though . . . he barely knew him, and was shut out early. His "son" is really a stranger, except to the grandparents.

Cherie

The mom knows who the real father is, as she "hung out" with him for a few weeks during a very short rocky period in the relationship.

My friend's name is on the birth certificate, because she did not tell him that there was any chance that he might not be his child.

Cherie

Cherie, I know this is judgemental especially because your friend was horribly wronged in this situation but he did walk away even before he knew this wasn't his child. Writing a check is not enough, imo. I am saddened to read that even before the DNA issue that he did not find a way to stay involved with the child he thought was his son. His family managed to do it so I'll be very honest I find his story kind of flimsy from the get go.

Can't say what the courts will decide and I am terribly sorry this happened to him but even more so to this poor kid.

Cherie,

You're saying your friend's name name is on the child's birth certificate as father of the child.

You're saying that he had a father/son relationship, however tenuous, for at least 4 years of the child's early life and made efforts to have that relationship.

You're saying that he's held this child out as his son for almost the entire child's life.

Your saying this man's family believed the child was his, apparently because he held this child out as his son.

You, yourself, are calling this child your friend's "son."

It is irrelevant whether or not he called his stepdad "dad." That's common with many stepchild/stepparent relationships. Some children call their parents, biological, by their first names. The name doesn't matter.

There is one fact that would, however, remove him from being required to pay support. That is if he consented to allow his child to be adopted by stepdad. Adoption would remove the onus of support from your friend. It would also establish, as if the child were born to the stepfather, a parent/child relationship between child and stepfather.

Your friend has a few choices:

1. continue paying child support
2. continue paying child support and fight this
3. stop paying child support
4. stop paying child support and fight this
5. stop paying child support and consent to the adoption
6. continue paying child support and consent to the adoption
7. do nothing

Think what you will. You asked an opinion on U.S. law. I pointed you to many sources that backed up what I said.

Your friend's situation will totally depend on the laws (both statutory and judicial case law) of the state and the court's interpretation of that law should he choose to fight this in court. As I said above, he should seek the advice of an attorney who is licensed in that state.

We can bandy his situation and the facts around here all we want, but we cannot determine whether or not your friend will be able to get out of this situation or whether he will be required to pay support for this child. An attorney in that state would, most likely, be able to tell him. An attorney in that state would basically know the pulse of the court decisions and how the courts would most likely come down in this situation.

Cherie, I have no advice but hope for the best in the situation what ever that may be. Even though he may not be their "grandson" maybe they can continue a relationship with him for they certainly have grown to care very much for him?

Best of luck for your friend!