Once the adoption takes place, the child support payments will cease. I know this to be a fact as my DH adopted my DD many years ago and this was the result (OK by me). As far as past payments? I have arguments on both sides. Hard one. It may just be best to walk away.

I don't have much time this morning because my best friend from when we were kids is coming in town for the first time in 12 yrs. I wanted to make a couple of quick comments though . . .

Thank you for the information, Gazelle. I do appreciate it, and knowing this allowed me to do some research into the laws in the various states.

I don’t happen to personally agree, and fortunately for him this ancient law has been mostly over-turn in the particular state he comes from too. It seems there are a few states that now recognize that the definition of a “father” is not simply “the man who was there when the child was born”, especially when he has been deceived.

“Florida last year joined Georgia and Ohio in allowing a man to walk away from any financial obligations regardless of how many years he may have been acting as a minor's father if he discovers he was deceived into parenthood. Fathers' rights groups in Colorado, Illinois and West Virginia are pushing for similar legislation that would remove or extend existing time limits for challenging paternity.”

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/ar...580398,00.html

I understand your thoughts about this story looking “flimsy” too. I am a single mom who has raised my kids mostly without child support, so I have strong personal feelings about the moral side of this argument. This situation IS legit though ...

Jules, there really are times where the very best thing for everyone sake is to walk away. I haven’t run into that often AT ALL, but it happens, and it is true in this case.

Cherie

I do think once the adoption takes place your friend has no future obligation. At least that's how it worked when my brother gave up his parental rights to his daughter over 20 years ago.

BUT, the rest of the family (our side) has kept in contact with his daughter all these years so I see no reason his family cannot remain in her life. Unless the mom pushes them away.

Ok, I'm back. It was SOOOOooo nice to see my friend.

I guess it will come down to the laws in that state to determine, but here's my opinion no matter what comes of the legal decision . . .

There is only one person in this equation that could have possibly anticipated this outcome, and that is the boy’s mother.

She knew that she had slept around, so she knew before the baby was born that it might not be his. She did not give him a chance to “opt out” (or initiate testing), by telling him the truth from the beginning.

She knew precisely what she was doing as she made my friend’s life HE!!, when he tried to be an “active” parent. She definitely didn’t want him around . . . but she did want his money.

SHE knew all along that the boy was developing into the spitting image of his real biological father.

Knowing what she did, SHE should have requested a DNA test, if not as soon as he was born, certainly before she lied to her son.

She knew the chances she was taking when she “swore” to the court that he was the child’s father.

Now she is going to have to face her demons, and tell HER son. That’s really sad, but she is the only one to blame for deceiving him and everyone else.

My friend’s parents deserve to know that they are not the boy’s biological Grandparents. IF they chose to continue a relationship with him (which I'm sure they will, they are not going to stop loving him!), they will likely continue as on as “surrogate” Grandparents. If the mother stops that, then she is cutting off her nose (and her son’s) to spite her face.

Maybe she just should have done the “right” thing in the beginning.

Cherie

Cherie, I'm just now going through this interesting but heartwrenching thread. The mother sounds so incredibly selfish! I'm so sorry for your friend, his parents and the boy in question. I really hope everything works out okay on the the financial and relationship front. It's got to be very emotional.

amen sister Cherie well said she is the one who is at fault and to blame, shame she cant be charged with fraud

I too take this one to heart as you know Cherie and I also did it without child support a whole 140 dollars in 16 yrs of Seans life and 17yrs 2 months of Roberts life, she went and had herself claimed mentally incompetent of her debts, this is another reason why the walking away idea may be the best solution, its just not worth the headaches and aggravations

just pray and hope his $$ support kept the child from being abused or the lack of money being taken out on the child, she sounds shallow enough to be that type of person. this whole incident tugs at my heart so much having been through some of these same headaches too

Just a quick little update ...

He spoke to a lawyer, and he can pursue (and LIKELY win) for back-payments. if he can tape a conversation where she admits she slept with someone else (obviously ), and that he didn't know the child might not be his. That wouldn't be too hard to do, because she is likely to "play dumb" when she first hears what he's found out . . .

"No, it can't be" . . .

"How can that be?" . . .

"You are a liar" . . .

etc.

However, even though he plans to GET this confession out of her, he has decided he is most likely ONLY going to pursue this to the point of completing the adoption ASAP, and to stop his future payments. The main reasons for that are:

1. The legal fee's are likely to be more then what he would get back for the many years he's paid child support, and even though she will likely have to pay that, she has no money.

2. Since she has no money, she will probably never be able to pay the backpayment debt anyway (plus lawyers).

3. The boy (and likely her husband, and her parents, etc.) will be none the wiser for at least a few more years if he does not take this useless fight to court.

4. The more "hush" he can keep this, the better the chances that she will let his parents continue as "grandparents" (which is to everyone's benefit).

So, he's going to "adopt" him out, if she agrees to do this IMMEDIATELY, and then carry on as the "bad guy" for a few more years . . .

He's a better man the me!

Cherie

thanks Cherie, I am pretty sure to use a recording in court the person being recorded must know they are being recorded, this was based on what type of stuff my ex use to threaten me with, police said she would have to know she was being recorded, but this was about 17 yrs ago so who knows whats what now

Many states have a "one party consents" law now:

http://www.pimall.com/nais/n.tel.tape.law.html

(He shouldn't need to use this anyway . . . it's just for back-up if the adoption angle doesn't pan out).

Cherie

BTW, anyone know how much a "non-contested" adoption costs approximately. (It's expensive in Canada, but I don't know about the US . . .)

cost is usually on the party doing the adopting--not the parent giving up the rights.