I wonder if any of you can offer advice on a US family law matter . . .?

One of my forum comrades, who I've come to know quite well, has a young teenaged son. "Dad" (my friend) had a relationship with the child's mother when he was younger, that lasted a few years. There were a few "rough patches" along the way, and a son was born during that period.

"Mom" (his ex-g/f) and he could not see eye to eye on any matter relating to his son's upbringing, and she made things quite difficult for him. Of course, that's just his "story", but I tend to believe him, based on what I've heard. He maintained a relationship with his son for the first 3 or 4 yrs, but when she got married and added to her "family", she really became difficult. He basically stopped seeing his son.

He continued to pay child support faithfully, and the "dad's" biological family maintained a very strong relationship with his son. They see him regularly, and he is their only grandchild (and/or chance for a grandchild now). They love him, of course.

About a year ago, a number of things happened that caused the father to question whether he was his son's biological dad. He didn't want to believe there was that chance, so he ignored his feelings about it until he couldn't any more. Eventually . . . with the assistance of his mom ("Grandma"), he had a DNA test done.

He is NOT the biological father.

Of course there are all kinds of ugly considerations (hurting the child, hurting the Grandparents, etc., etc.), but there are also good reasons for this to be "reconciled". The boy should know who his father is, as well as genetic information, etc.

My questions are more legal though . . .

Obviously the mom knew there was a chance it wasn't his child (clearly she must have slept around on him). His features/characteristics are very distinct, which was one of the many reasons my friend questioned fatherhood.

How does he go about stopping child support? Can he just provide this information to Family Enforcement (or whatever it's called there, the people who collect the child support)? Or, does this have to go through the court system?

Will the "real" father have to back-date support to my friend, for all the payments he's made over the years? What about if this guy isn't even around/alive?

Anything else come to mind for any of you?

Thanks, Cherie

He should contact his Friend of the Court advocate. I'm sure that this type of case is not unique to him. He will likely be required to allow the state to conduct their own DNA tests, and perhaps have to attend a hearing.

He might ought to consider a civil suit against the mother for restitution, locating and enforcing support from the bio father is her problem, not his. If she deceived him intentionally, no one will probably ever be able to prove it.

As far as the child is concerned, I agree that he has a right to know the truth, but for his emotional stability, I would strongly disagree with any disclosure until he is grown and situated.

My friends face a similar situation, though not in terms of support issues. They, with the guidance of a professional, have determined that it is in their son's best interest to withhold disclosure until he is a situated adult (His birth mother passed away young, and had him prior to her marriage to the man he knows as "Dad").

Disclaimer: I'm not a lawyer, I've just seen a lot of my friends face similar situations.

it depends on the state. its not a federal mandate.

some family courts will make him continue to pay, since he accepted paternity and didn't request a dna test from the get go.

here is a legal advice forum. have him do a search first before asking. they get snooty replying to the same thing over and over. most who reply are attorney's. i have used this a bunch.

http://forum.freeadvice.com/

you both made good points it may be a civil matter to be taken up in civil court, I am not sure but it probably does matter what state you are in, and how they interpet the word father

Quite true, Frank, CA in particular is freakishly pro force-them-to-be-together, so much so, that another friend of mine had to put her son into counseling because of how upset he gets when forced to visit his lunatic father.

Thanks Cindy and Curious.

Thanks for the link . . .

He really had no reason to believe he wasn't the father at the time. Only she knew she slept around on him.

It's a sad world if men should have to get a DNA, to be sure every/any woman didn't sleep around on him!

They were only together for several months after the child was born, and the boy has had a step-dad that he's called "dad" since he was very little. My friend has been financial support, but that's basically it.

Cherie

Knowing that, he definitely needs to drag her butt into court!

I'm clueless about the legalities, but one thing is for certain. You have an excellent friend in "Dad" who has contributed greatly and positively to the boy. Sounds like a stand up individual. I do hope the best for him.

Thanks.

He's really very broken-hearted about this. My friend is an only child himself, and due to his age, he is not going to have any more kids. His "son" carries his surname . . . and would be the only one to do so in his extended family (cousins, etc.).

The "financial" implications is the anger about this speaking at the moment . . . but at the end of the day, it's also not right that he continue to pay.

Cherie

I too applaud him for stepping up and taking the responsibility. I have no advice on this subject in terms of the law but I suspect he would be able to get the payments stopped but not until after he has proven he is not the father in the courts. It really is dependant on how he feels in terms of letting go which may be hard for him even if he's had no contact. In the end, it's the child who was used as a pawn and that's sad. Shame on the mother for not stepping up and admitting he may not be the father.