Morning all,

for anyone who's read my previous threads, my daughter 17 y/o has been diagnosed with PCS and has just recently returned to school after a month long house arrest.

She is in her graduation year and is totally stressed about the amount of work she is behind and the subsequent tests she is needing to take to catch up.

The school/teachers have been awesome but she is not wanting preferential treatment. She doesn't want to just be given the marks so she can graduate and wants to earn them. If she doesn't earn them, she doesn't want to graduate....can you say PERFECTIONIST!

She doesn't like to be the centre of attention (unless its sports related of course) and has been having a hard time when complete strangers come up to her and ask how her head is. The gym teacher is using her as an example but has gotten the facts wrong and that is also making her angry etc.,

She isn't able to remember things she did in grade 10 and pre-cal is a total nightmare for her. She has been working with the teacher during spares and just doesn't get it. In Manitoba, there is a provincial math exam that counts as part of your total mark and the teacher after seeing her after the first day of one on one coaching, realized that there is no way she will pass it and is putting in a medical exemption request.

Last night is the first time she broke down in two months. She has been denying what has happened to her and now its coming to a head and is totally stressed and weepy.

She has stopped taking her meds...t3's and the pill she was supposed to take at night to help her sleep. She said her headaches don't require the t3's and she doesn't want to be a zombie.

HELP!?? she has decided that even if they graduate her, she wants to redo her three courses in a different highschool come September - refuses to go to the one she's in now - too embarrasing.

I'm at a loss - I have no idea how to help other than listen and try and be supportive.

I am ready to lose it here...I'm weepy at times and very down.

She has been basically told by one of the teachers (gym teacher) that they are probably going to graduate her due to her circumstances.

Thanks for listening.

Joan

I am so sorry to hear of your daughter's struggles. Her perfectionism is understood. I used to be a perfectionist. I still strive for perfection but know that it may take repeated attempts to get to that level.

I don't know how to help her change her mind but can understand her frustration. She needs to somehow learn that her injury has not changed who she is. It has only changed how she works. If she would learn how to explain her injury then she may be able to explain it to others in a way that they consider her knowledge of her injury as a sign of her intelligence.

Has she had a NeuroPsych Assessment? It can identify her specific issues.

Regarding pre-calc, has she tried using a blank sheet of paper to cover the problems so she can only see the part that she is working on? Learning how to break down the problem into smaller parts may help her understand the problem.

There are many ways she can work-around her difficulties. Understanding her limitations will help to understand how to learn these work-arounds.

When someone asks about her head, she can respond, "Well, my short term visual memory is struggling. My processing speed is also struggling. I have difficulty doing multiple step tasks. Etc." By breaking down her struggles into the individual components, she can take an objective view of her injury. Instead of "I as a whole person am messed up", she identifies the individual parts/functions of her brain that are struggling to work.

A person who breaks a leg is not a different person. They are the same person with a broken leg that stops them from doing the things that one needs both legs.

As one who had academic problems due to my PCS, in hindsight, those limitations were very minor. the educational system puts so much emphasis on perfection and high achievement when the reality is more about what you can do and not what grades one gets.

If she can learn how to learn with her injured brain, she will do fine. The likely photographic memory is gone, at least for the current time. There are other learning skills she can develop to make up for this.

Try to convince her to put her efforts into learning new ways to learn. This will be the most important rehab. She may need more practical/hands-on time with each subject rather than just theoretical/academic study. Breaking tasks down into smaller parts will also help.

High school and college are much more about learning to apply oneself that it is about mastering any particular subject.

I hope you understand what I mean.

My best to you and your daughter.

It's a strange and scary feeling when you are an overachiever to not be able to perform to your own standards.

I was in complete denial that I had any deficits and I couldn't make it happen like I did before for months. I even tried to return to work - it went horribly.

When I let myself realize that I was not the same and I couldn't will it back to normal the depression set in. The feelings of worthlessness and loss over my well structured life became almost more than I could bare.

I wanted to vanish so that people would never see me again. I felt like a stranger in my own mind. I would sit and cry alone in my room for days. When I hit 3 weeks of not leaving my room my roommate stepped in.

I think what made it so bad for me was I was trying so hard to be and do all the things I did before. I wanted to be the same person. I didn't want people to look at me differently. I put so much pressure on myself and letting up was giving up.

I still struggle but I am doing better the more I talk about my true feelings and fears. Its not easy to admit what you are really thinking or feeling but it sure helps to take the crushing weight off your chest.

Blessing

Dear Wildrose,

I do sympathize with what you and your daughter are going through. You have something to deal over and above the usual trials and tribulations of teenagers and their parents.

Naturally you want the very best for your daughter. You want her to be the greatest in sport, top of the class, graduate with honors etc., just like every other parent wants for their children. However, when you look back on a life, some hardships and difficulties can be overcome. Children may have to cope with many difficulties, which consume their lives with worry at the time, and also the lives of their parents. Maybe they will look back on some of these things and they won't seem so important when they have grown up themselves.

Brain damage, however, is in a different category altogether. This is something that could ruin the rest of someone's life.
This is such an important factor that it trumps any other problem. Trying to read between the lines, I am hoping that your daughter's medical condition is improving and that one of the reasons for stopping taking medication is that she doesn't need it as much.

You have to take the long-term view, especially as a parent. A teenager won't be thinking of what life will be like at 25 - that would just seem unimaginably old. But the really important thing is that she should have a "normal" life, with all its difficulties and not a life in which she is always held back by a disability. So, whatever course of action you and your daughter might consider, just don't do anything that is going to risk not getting better as quickly as possible. That is far more important than graduating, the prom, or calculus. What percentage of high school graduates go on to use their calculus? Not many and, in any case, you can always learn what you need later on in life, provided that your brain is OK.

You can't do anything about the fact that your daughter had an brain injury that wasn't at first treated seriously. You can't do anything about the fact that she ran a half marathon soon afterwards and went on playing soccer. Those decisions were disatrous but they are in the past. You just have to make sure that everything is done to help your daughter on the road to recovery. I am hoping that she is travelling along that road. When her biggest problem is worrying about fitting into her prom dress then you will know that she is just another normal teenager again.

I hope that you both will one day look back on this time and put PCS in the past.

Best of luck.

Concussed Scientist

Hi,

I also have a 14 year old daughter with pcs. Seven months ago she hit the back of her head during a fall in gym class. She has been on bedside tutoring since. The accident happened 5 weeks into her freshman year of high school. We have been to Dr.'s in NYC, neuro's, chiropractors, accupucture and a bunch of meds. Which did nothing to treat her horriable migraines. She has been off all meds since they only made her doped up. We are trying a new Dr. on Monday.

I understand everything you are going through with your daughter's emotional state. As a parent it is so hard to watch your child suffer and feel so helpless. Like one Dr. told us, "there is no magic pill." It just takes time. WE ARE STILL WAITING TO SEE THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL.

Hoping your daughter heals and get back to her old life again.

Take care,

what drs in NY did you see? I am seeing a dr out of Columbia -- he's a neurologist/headache facial pain specialist.

Im in NJ -- where do you live?

I've heard the same response.

what are her main symptoms? Does she know what brings on the headaches?

Suz and Wildrose: I am so sorry you are both going through this with your daughters. First, I will tell you that you are having very typical experiences for head injured teenagers. I can sympathize with the anquish you are feeling. I'm sure that doesn't help at all. Anyway...

Second, there IS light at the end of the tunnel. My daughter took close to a year to "recover" from her injury. I put "recover" in quotes because many people believe a concussed brain NEVER returns to normal. The jury is still out in our case. So far she has gotten her GPA back up to previous levels in honors classes, she's taken the SAT without any symptoms, she can exercise without symptoms, etc. She hasn't had a headache in 8 months. The biggest problem now is a little uncertainty on her part...sometimes she isn't sure she'll be able to do something but then she can. Very out of character for her pre-injury.

My daughter was also an athlete and also did some things we wouldn't have allowed if we had known any better. All I can tell you is that she was eventually able to put that athletic, overachiever spirit to work for her in recovery. She recently had to write a "who am I" poem for her English class. She titled it "BRAVE". Neeless to say, I was a sobbing disaster when I read it. She views her injury as a pivotal point in her life. I'm so very proud of her.

There IS light at the end. Wish I had more specific helpful advice but you just have to figure it out for yourselves. Reflexology, chiropractors, vision therapy, accupressure, medications...who knows. Hang in there!

Hi All.

I would like to echo PCSLearner, sentiments. I am so sorry that you have to go through this. TBI's are incredibly difficult on the entire family - especially the mothers. We want to "fix" our kids but we can't.

My daughter concussion was during October of her freshman year, about a week before her 15th birthday. The headaches, fatigue and sleep issues were terrible. She had memory issues which began to improve around 4-5 months and she was able to work with a tutor to complete a couple of classes and attend afternoon classes at school a couple of days a week. The school was very accommodating, waived course she didn't really need (like health and PE), and gave her credit for the work she completed with the tutor. She was able to move forward with her class and repeat 2 classes (Spanish and Biology).

In the fall, she started back to school full-time. She was able to pick back up where she left off socially and academically. The first couple of months were a little challenging but by November, things were going pretty well. She took the PSAT and PLAN and scored well nationally and very well compared to her classmates (she attends a very rigorous all girls college prep school) and her grades are great too. Socially, she's back to the same level as before.

Athletically, my daughter doesn't play team sports by is an equestrian. Her horse has also been injured. He is almost completed with his rehab and they will both start back jumping in the next month or so. Not riding was very difficult for her and when she was allowed to ride her horse about 8 month into the process, it made a huge difference in her mood.

She still does struggle with headaches periodically and we have sleep issues as well. The major concussion related sleep issues resolved and now we are back to the issues we had pre-concussion. We are in the process of getting a sleep study done.

It's a long process that can't be rushed, so hang in there. We tried NUCA Chiropractor, Biofeedback, Neurofeedback, supplements, some medications but who really knows if any of it worked or just time did it's job. Advocate for your daughter and seek treatments that make sense to you. Trust your "mom" instincts, you know your child better than anyone else. Hang in there, it does get better.